My sister's mess

Day one of the cleaning begins.

When my nephew scheduled his open heart surgery my sister was in jail. Jail is different than prison. Before her "ordeals" I did not know this. I thought they were one and the same. I have also discovered that this incident is number 10 for her.

So, now she is back in prison.

I told my nephew I would help him to clean up her stuff since he can't move very well or lift anything. In fact a walk tires him out. He is napping. I am trying to figure out how to cram her stuff into totes and/or boxes. Yet again. It is usually me or her son that cleans up her mess. Never her. She will complain to the person who "didn't" clean up that they threw all her stuff away. I say "Impossible." She has started over so many times, she should have a world record.



How can I put this? My sister keeps notebooks. Dozens of three-ring binders full of construction paper with photographs out of magazines. She goes through thousands of sheets of plastic page protectors. She has each one labeled by the year. I try not to look at them. She is obsessed with make-up and health ideas. Kind of ironic, isn't it? For someone who is an alcoholic. I have put about 26 bottles of old vitamins and mineral supplements down the garbage disposal today.

She has medications. I have no idea how they manage that in prison. I guess she sees a doctor, but I am not certain how soon. She certainly cannot take any with her.

She is a night owl. I have boxes of OTC sleep medications. Scarves, hair bands, trinkets, cheap costume jewelry. I swear she has a serious problem with lids. There are no lids on her lipsticks or eyeliners. Her make-up was probably purchased at the Good Will and bargain bins. She has pictures of herself everywhere. In sexy teddies, stuff like that. She never emptied her trash can, if stuff even made it to the trash. Certainly there must be a disorder for all of this mess.

Sigh. Back to it.

Fair weather

Fair weather is here.
Headache around the corner.
Can feel it coming.

Post surgery

It is very important that the patient keeps their lungs clear after open heart surgery. That cough. That pain. That agony. I cringe. I hear. I want the pain to stop. I worry. Above is a device that the patient uses to blow into so that they can keep the air pockets around their lungs open.

Halls of a hospital

Overheard in the hall.

"I have tried on 60 dresses. I was the only 18-year old bride-to-be who isn't pregnant."

"Sixty dresses?! Sixty!"

"Yes, sixty."

"I only tried on about 10 when I got married."

Wow.

Roller coast emotions

I am in the middle of a roller coaster. I am experiencing just about every emotion that can be felt. My family is notorious for burying their feelings. We don't do emotions very well.

I go from intense rage to the pits of despair. At one point today a Dr. brought in two doctors in training. He had them "attempt" to place an I.V. in the hand of my nephew. This would enable them to take the I.V. out of his jugular vein.

I got mad and left the room. Both doctors failed. My nephew is NOT a guinea pig or a pin cushion. I unloaded on a female doctor I found in the kitchen. I'll lay odds that male doctor does not show his face again for some time.

My other emotion that I am not used to experiencing is utter despair. My nephew had some complications last evening and it was after all my family had left. It was just me. I was on pins and needles. Every beep every cough every breath I was jerked into "what, what?" mode. Or, what now?

The song "Philadelphia" has the lyrics "Nobody's gonna save me, it's just you and me my friend."

There is nobody else. The responsibility lies with me. Why do I feel so sad? I feel so guilty about these feelings.

The evening before

I travelled today to my nephew's house. We are ready to get up and go in the morning. His surgery is scheduled second this time. The anesthesiologist talked to him during the testing today and gave him a rendition of what he think happened last time. His monitor was angled and when he turned his head to look, he must have moved his hand the slightest bit.

Ooookay.

Where the heart is

Christmas Past

I am going to guess 1987 for this photo. My nephew (having open heart surgery Tuesday) is the one circled in red. I am directly behind him. One of the rare years I did not have my hair dyed blond and my sister (his mother) is directly behind me. I have one brother in-law missing from the picture. I believe that he is on the far left of the frame holding his son (chubby in gold/white/blue). You can just see the top of one of my brother's head at the bottom. I believe a friend of the family was taking the photo. Two people from this photo have passed away. My Mom, in white (center right) and the fellow in blue with the moustache. He was my nephew's father (another brother-in-law).

Besides replacing a valve that was placed in my nephew's heart when he was a toddler, they are going to do what I believe is called Cardiac cryoablation. My memory is hazy and I am trying to make sense of notes I took on December 17th. From what I am reading this condition is common for those who have had Tetrology of Fallot. A question that has come up is "Will the team use the same anesthesiologist who made the previous mistake?"

My sister did not get her second continuance. The courts will only bend so far. It is not her fault that an error was made when the surgery was scheduled the first time, however she is a repeat offender and she has been in jail/prison numerous times. So much so, that the family stopped bailing her out. How many times were we supposed to pay for her lawyer, court costs, rehab, and many other monetary needs? When she first started down her path of misery, it was the late 80's and her children were very young. They were taken care of by their father and his Mom, along with my family. Every other year or so she was in prison. Out for nine months, in for two years. She was in prison when my Mom died and was not able to attend the funeral.

After a while, it just became routine. We could have been crass and started drawings on how long it would be before she was back in jail. She has the knack for finding desperate men who will supply her with money until they wise up to her. It is remarkable how long she can play them. It boggles the mind. I believe that some of the men never do wise up. They just "quit" her for a while. After a few years away she can weasel her way back into their lives. Amazing.

His sister will not be able to get the time away from college and her job to spend any significant amount of time with us. She was prepared to spend the entire week the first time around. We call it the "dry run". A lot of the original group do not have the time away from work and family life to give this time around. That leaves me with more of the load. My sister may not have been able to drive, but she could cook and clean up a storm and being his Mother would have been able to nurse a bit more comfortably than I. My niece can drive, but will be an unavailable two hours away. I won't be able to leave him alone. My nephew may be relieved that his "hovering" Mother is out of the picture, but as for me, she would have been a great help. But, that is that.

Back when

Here is Titten back in the day when she was smaller and cuter. It is hard to believe that she terrorizes the house today. Night and day. It is possible that she was taken from her Mother at too young of an age. She only goes in the litter box now, (thank goodness!) however, she gobbles her food and gets a bloated stomach. Well, we all know what a bloated stomach can do. Pass gas. And, this she does without abandon. She can clear a room.

For a homework assignment, my daughter had to watch a science fiction movie and answer questions about it. She chose "The Time Machine" 2002 edition. My nephew is a huge sci-fi fan and he gave the movie to us a few Christmases back. I adore Jeremy Irons, except not in this picture. Too creepy. It was fun reading the reviews from users about the movie. My daughter picked up some really good points from their comments and it helped her to answer the questions in her assignments.

This homeschooling is kind of good for us. I am off work until the middle of April and I have been very involved in her school work. We did an experiment together, this movie together and we have even been doing the math together. She would give me a problem and we would compare answers. I only wish that I had the Internet back in the 70's when I was learning how to multiply mixed fractions. Yuck!

We did miss the black out that we were supposed to do from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. this evening. Darn it. We were reading the reviews of the movie and completely forgot.

I wanna go back

A long time ago, I had a daughter that smiled. Before the surgeries, before the boyfriend woes, before the school mess. A long time ago we had small bumps in the road and snags that left us depressed for a day or so.

Now, times have changed. We are sad and very depressed. I am trying to help, but I have a lot on my plate. My daughter feels damaged and very neglected by her boyfriend of 3 years. She had the most invasive surgery one can possibly imagine a teenager having. She had moles removed in her private areas (front and back) and another on her back. Could she get a phone call from the boyfriend? Not even. Nothing. No hug, no phone call, no words of encouragement, no questions to ask how she is feeling. Three years and this is what it has boiled down to. She spent thirty minutes ripping him a new one last night. I let her go. I felt that she needed to get this frustration out of her system.

As for me, I wouldn't waste my breath. I'd say "It's over." Hang up the phone and never speak to him again. But, that's me. She handled it differently. At sixteen she is close to having a relationship longer than I ever did. But this isn't about me.

My daughter is in pain. Physically and emotionally. Mama is mad as a wet hornet. She will let him back in. That is her way. I just hope she gets real tired of the neglect soon and finally dumps his ass.

The green, green grass of home

Ohio, May 2007

From 10 to 30 I usually had my head stuck inside a radio. Well, as close to a radio as I could get. My life revolved around music. When I had my daughter, the music stopped. All of my attention and listening devices were saved for that little baby girl. If there was music playing, I may miss a cry or a giggle. And that just wouldn't do. Now that my daughter is days away from 17 and listening to music of her own, I am easing back into the world of music.

The above photo reminds me of the tune performed by Tom Jones "Green, Green Grass of Home". It was written by Curly Putman who wrote a few other country favorites. I'd change the words to fit my life when I would sing along with the songs. Of course I didn't sing "...run down the road with my sweet Mary..." I think I used a horses' name when I sang it because that was my love when this song was a hit.

My daughter received an iPod when she began her homeschooling. So I get her used mp3 player. I can add iTunes gift cards to her Birthday and Christmas lists. My niece said that I can download iTunes for the mp3 player, also. I am a bit rusty on the newer music technology today. I'll catch up. What irks me a bit is that I cannot find some of my favorite artists music for sale. One artist in particular just does not sell his music this way, I guess. Of course what also irks me is that I purchased a favorite album when it was an LP in 33 rpm. I purchased it when it became a video cassette. I skipped purchasing it on a CD, but now I need to purchase it (or just the songs I like) in an mp3 format. It reminds me of the line that Tommy Lee Jones said in the movie "Men in Black". "I guess I'll have to purchase the White album again." Referring to the tiny disc format for music and the popular Beatles album.

Speaking of Tommy Lee Jones, we watched "No Country for Old Men." A bit bloody and gruesome. I watched it a second time and it wasn't so bad knowing when the spurting blood and gory scenes were coming. I could close my eyes or mute the television. I watched it the second time for the story line and to get parts that I missed. I also watched the bonus features that helped to erase some of the ghastly things that they did. To hear them speak as normal people talking about their characters, sort of minimized the horror for me.

We also watched "August Rush." Somebody had gushed about this movie to me. I was disappointed. It didn't move me at all. I could easily pass on this one.

I lounged around all day yesterday resting from the holiday week-end and getting the rest of that nasty flu out of my system. Today I do not get that luxury. There are things that need to be done and tended to. My daughter has her mole-removal surgery tomorrow in Akron. I better check the roadways. The flooding is pretty bad in areas around me.

Floods of all kinds

Ohio this week

Well. My yard is soaked but I am not flooded. The edges of the yard and some low spots in the sidewalks are covered with water, but thankfully, for me, that is all.

I have been flooded at work with work. My computer keeps crashing at work. I am off now until mid-April. I will be playing nurse maid.

I have been flooded with work at home. Setting up home schooling for my daughter, cleaning for the coming holiday and my two week trip to the Columbus area. We beefed up my daughter's PC at home (her Easter present) so that she can better play her video game (her birthday present). She decided to do her school work on the Mac that the academy provided. My PC keeps crashing at home also. I've been struggling with it.

I have company coming in for Easter. (Provided they can get here via the flooded highways).

And, today I am sick. A nasty sick that I won't go into detail, here. I could not figure out why my headache would not respond to medicine this morning until I caught the weather forecast. What the? More snow?

We watched "Martian Child" last week-end. We watched "I Am Legend" last night. I have yet to watch "No Country for Old Men" and "August Rush". I hope I get around to watching them before we have to return them tomorrow night. Since I am not feeling very well, there is a good chance that I will.

My brother and his wife returned from their Caribbean cruise. I asked them if they found it necessary to bring the ocean back with them. As if they didn't get enough water down South, they are inundated with it at home.

I figured when they left in the middle of that horrendous snow storm, that when they returned the mess of it would be gone. Au contraire. The melted water remains.

Dubious

Sable seems a bit dubious

Six days. Three of them with a toddler. She seems so depressed. I don't know if she is happy to be home and is giving us the cold shoulder, or if she misses my sister's house. Her back leg is still giving her problems. We have been giving her Glucosamine twice a day. She improved but she is limping in the one leg still.

The tyke above dressed her up in Mr. Potato Head's glasses, sat on her like a hassock, ate her dog food and had to have a peanut butter sandwich when she was given her medicine. We put her glucosamine pills in peanut butter on bread and she swallows it whole. He even took a couple of bites of her bread as he gave it to her. I was told all of this second hand. I didn't get to witness any of it. The eating of the dog food would have done me in. Yuck. Currently we feed her dry Purina One. I can't stand wet dog or cat food. My pets do not get that. Ever.

Hey, wait a minute. I just checked the ingredients of Purina One. It states chicken as the first ingredient. I knew this. But, in parenthesis it says: Chicken (natural source of glucosamine). Well bust my buttons. Maybe she just needs extra.

I am worried about hip dysplasia.

Seven inches

Snowfall outside my back door

It looks as though my little town got off easy. Compared to the bigger cities of Columbus and Cleveland and Cincinnati. And, I didn't have to drive. If my nephew's surgery had happened as planned, I was supposed to drive home Friday afternoon, pick up my daughter and return to Columbus area on Saturday. It would not have happened. Columbus area was on a level "emergency travel only".

As it was, I did go to my department meeting at my home office (60 miles away) on Friday and got caught driving in a mess on the way home. During the meeting one of my co-workers piped up that all schools were dismissing early in my area. It was a mess up that way. They ended the meeting and instead of our usual lunch together, I headed west. About 20 minutes into my drive the roads were a mess. I was mostly caught in a huge line of traffic where nobody was passing anybody. You couldn't, really. It took me 2 hours to return instead of the hour fifteen I normally take.

My poor brother, his wife and her family are stranded in an airport. He called from a motel near the Cleveland airport last night. He said a van was supposed to pick them up and take them to Pittsburgh and they were going to try and get a flight out of there. They have to make it to Florida's Eastern coast by 3 p.m. today to get on that cruise ship. What a wonderful get away that would be. And 10 days later you return and this mess will be gone. Hopefully.

My Sunday paper just hit my doorstep and I think I will get it and read a while before I bundle up and start the shovelling. I pick up my Sable today from my sister's house. She has been stranded there along with my grand nephew. I have a photo of them playing in the snow, I'll have to post it soon.

As for the movies. No Reservations was a bit "ugh" for my taste. Across the Universe was better, I thought. I enjoyed the music and some of the plot was of interest to me. Neither movie was riveting.

Eighteen years!

My sister's pet cat lived to be 18 years old. They are now down to six cats. See? It's a family tradition. I still have five. Two of them are at least six years old. The others are young'uns.

My Sable is still up at her house from the surgery trip. My eldest brother watches her for me. They spoil her rotten. My grand nephew uses her as a pillow and a chair.

We are supposed to drive up and retrieve her on Saturday, but with this storm coming, I don't know. I might have to wait until Sunday. Of course I am hoping for the storm to come overnight tonight because I have a meeting with my home office scheduled for tomorrow and I won't mind missing it one bit.

My middle brother and his wife are headed out on their first cruise Saturday morning at 3 a.m. They have a limo picking them up, so they won't have to drive. They are concerned that their airplane won't be able to take off, though. They are scheduled to leave from Cleveland, but may have to re-route and leave from Columbus. I wouldn't want to be a limo driver and have to drive in the snow and ice. Yikes. They are headed to the Caribbeans.

I didn't get the chance to touch base with my nephew today. I'll check in on him tomorrow. I think he was headed into work today.

Boy howdy. Is everyone else getting sticker shock in the grocery stores these days? Wow. We stocked up just in case we get snowed in over the next few days. (Hope so, hope so, hope so). And we rented movies. Across the Universe, and No Reservations.

Speaking of. While at my nephew's house we watched Apocalypto. What? Did Mel sit around with his sons and they all came up with ways to gross each other out and he put it all in this one movie? Bloody, gory, ghastly, gross! I even closed my eyes when I knew a sickening event was going to happen. My nephew is the Blu-ray disc, home theater surround sound, plasma T.V. larger than life type of guy and what I didn't see when I closed my eyes made the sounds that much more horrifying. I am still reeling from the movie. If you don't care for blood spurting out of some guys head or hearts being torn from the chest - skip this one.

Detours and bumps

Life is full of setbacks

The short version. My nephew's surgery was cancelled at the very last second. And I really mean the absolute last second. The anesthesiologist inserted the catheter that would thin the blood to the heart, but inserted the tube into the vein that went to the brain and because there was too much risk for a blood clot going to the brain, the entire procedure was scrapped until the beginning of April. You can read more here.

Now, for the long story. I understand mistakes. I have made enough of them. I felt bad for the anesthesiologist. But I wonder if he fully understands what he has cost people. Maybe he does, and maybe he doesn't. He is probably reminded daily of what he has cost the hospital in prep charges and fees and I have no idea if the insurance company will pay for this mistake or not. Maybe there is insurance for that sort of thing when my nephew's medical insurance says "This was not part of the cost! We won't pay for his mistakes!" Maybe they bill it under something else. Maybe they say that the patient had a problem and bill the insurance company with that verbiage on the claim. Who knows? Who audits this stuff?

As for my family. This was stressful to say the least. First there is the patient (my nephew). He needed to schedule the time off from work. His work needed to find somebody to replace him for six weeks or so that he was out. He used sick days and/or vacation time. The day before the scheduled surgery he went to the hospital for a round of tests. There is his drive back and forth (an hour one way).

Second there is his Mother. She is not currently working, so there is no use of vacation or sick days. But the stress would be enormous. She was prepared to feed all of the family that was coming in.

Third is the sister of the patient. She was on spring break from school, which was fortunate. She took a week off from work. She does not get vacation pay because she works as a waitress in a restaurant part time while she attends college. Her drive back and forth from Toledo to Columbus. Her stress. Making arrangements for somebody to take care of her cats.

Fourth is my eldest sister and her husband. Their drive from Canton to Columbus and back. In an ice storm, no less. Their meals. They are both retired so there was no vacation/sick time taken. My brother-in-law's Mother is in the hospital in another city, so he had to skip a day from visiting her.

Fifth is another older sister who took three vacation days for the trip down and back (3 hours one way). Her gas mileage, her meals. Making arrangements for somebody to watch her pets.

Sixth is me. I was to provide the primary care. My sister is not permitted to drive a vehicle, so I was going to be the driver for after the surgery and the main care taker. I arranged two weeks off from work vacation time. Since I couldn't leave my daughter at home, I arranged for her to be home schooled. This was all decided before my sister was allowed a continuance from court to keep her out of prison until the end of March. (Even longer story). We had anticipated my sister (his Mother) being out of the picture during this time. My drive (2.5 hours one way) and meals for my daughter and I. My arrangements for somebody to watch my pets and check on my house while I was away.

What cost do you put on all of that? Other than getting my daughter home schooled, almost everything listed above will have to be repeated. I didn't include the things that only needed to be arranged one time, like the mountain of paperwork that was needed. Fortunately, the motel let me cancel our reservations. My sister's intentions were good, but five of us were going to stay at a motel, instead of with the 3 of them for a total of 8 people in a little two bedroom house. I mean, get real.

My niece won't be able to get the time off in early April. My one sister won't be able to, either. My eldest sister and her husband who are retired will probably be able to make the trip again. I can swing it. I'll have to jump through some hoops at work, but they are pretty good about that. I'm glad I did choose the home schooling for my daughter because now she can travel with me. My nephew will swing it at work. He doesn't have much of a choice.

But, will my sister (his Mother) convince the judge to give her yet another continuance? She is working harder than ever before on staying sober this time around and at finishing her counselling and rehabilitation. So far, so good. Most people drink because of stress. The strange part is that her heavy drinking problem started when he (her son) had open heart surgery at three and she sort of fell apart back then. She had another child ten years later and five years after that she had an Autistic child. Her fragile psyche does not handle life very well.

So, there you go. I am trying to get over it. I have gone through many feelings. My first response was "I'd rather the doctor come to us and say 'I'm sorry, we have to reschedule the surgery - too risky.' than for him to come to us and say 'I'm sorry......' because of you know what!". The other response was "There is a reason". We all went through that response. Maybe something would have happened, etc... Of course I am trying to put this into perspective. I do understand mistakes. It is just that a lot of folks have to pay for this one.

Sigh. Life does have some detours and bumps. Since it is winter and our roads in Ohio are atrocious, we can say that life has some huge pot holes (some folks call them chuck holes) and when we hit them, we blow out a tire. That costs us to repair the tire and maybe we miss work or an important appointment or some ceremony that we will never get back in our life and who pays for that? Not ODOT, that's for darn sure.

Maybe I should have stopped with the short version.

Some questions pop up as I read my post. There is a lot more to the background of this story than what I have written about here. For example. When my daughter's art teacher asked her why she would be out of school this week, my daughter replied "My cousin is having open heart surgery." To which the teacher replied "If my cousin were having surgery, he could darn well do it by himself!" What the hell kind of response is that? The obvious question would be "Why does my daughter have to go?" My answer. Because her Mother is going and we live by ourselves and there is no other family within a fifty mile radius she could stay with. There is no other family who does not work who could pick up and leave their homes to come and stay with her during this time frame. Without going into a lot of explanation, I cannot leave her by herself for a week. End of story.

The next question might be "Why does your Mother have to go?" My answer. I was there for my nephew. When he was four and I lived with he and his Mother when she was in the army, I was there to care for him. When she lived with me and my Mom and she was out late at night, he would wake up scared in their bedroom and come running to me. I was there at night for him. When she worked in a bar and I worked during the day, I was there for him in the evenings and I bathed him and got him to bed. After he grew up, we remained close sharing our love of computers and he often stopped to see me wherever I lived. I obtained custody of his sister when she was 13 years old, he was 23 and juggling college and work, their mother (my sister) was in prison and my Mother was tragically killed in an automobile accident. He visited almost every week-end while his sister lived with me. The two of them, my daughter and I formed a make shift family. Every holiday we spend together. During the holidays that my sister is free, she spends them with us.

My nephew is thirty years old. His father is dead. His female maternal figures are his mother, his paternal grandmother and his maternal grandmother (my Mom) and me. All grandparents are dead. My sister was supposed to be in prison. His sister is 21 years old. She is struggling with school and living on her own. That leaves me. I am next in line for spending the most amount of time with him. I love him like I would love a son. He means the world to me.

What does my daughter's art teacher know about our family and why my daughter must go with me to Columbus during this surgery? How dare he question something he does not know anything about? Would he like to take my daughter in and get her to school and back and be responsible for her? My daughter will be seventeen years old, this is true. Maybe I was mistaken when I drove her everywhere (we already went over this in a previous post). Maybe I am over protective. Actually, it was her decision to wait for her to get her driver's license. Even if she were able to drive herself and had her own car, would I leave her for a week? Who am I supposed to leave her with? Her boyfriend's family? My co-worker? She told me flat out that she refuses to stay with any friend's family.

Oh, wait. Isn't there another question? A more personal question? Dan Quayle would not approve. If you want to see where this paragraph of my post goes you can look Mr. Quayle up on Wikipedia.com. I won't even start with that topic. That would be some can of worms that would include therapy and therapists, religious beliefs and society beliefs. We make our beds and we must lie in them, isn't this so? So, there I am. We all have our grief in some strange way. We all have pot holes in life that give us flat tires. We all have to pick up the cost of repairing that tire. And, we must all move on. And so, I shall.

Back in the day

When I was a little girl we swam in the lake pictured above. Today it is stinky and dirty. I don't see how I would have stuck my big toe in it, let along went completely under water. My sister said that it wasn't dirty and stinky back in the 60's, but I wonder.

My fondest memories of this lake were the large beach balls that we would bat back and forth. The sand was a bit silty and if you don't know what that is, it is like a sticky mud. It was almost black in places. Pretty gross now that I think about it.

We have home movies (on 8mm) with this lake and a lot of Christmases on them. What was fun about 8mm was that we could play them backwards. Hilarious. We moved a few to VHS over 10 years ago. I wouldn't mind gathering the rest of them up and transferring them over to DVD format.

My daughter, nieces and nephews roll their eyes and run when I get that old tape out. My sisters and I love it. We laugh and say "Didn't we ever mow the grass?", or when we look at the old dogs that we used to own. One is of my sister with the old fashioned hair dryers. Where you place the hood over your head and it is attached with a hose to the dryer. And, this is great. Each of us were reading a book whenever the camera came around (unless we were outside). That is what we did back in the 60's. We read books. Amazing.

Style

I think it would be great to have Venetian blinds like this in my window. Except in blue, of course. Instead of just a plain color, I think they can begin to create beautiful colorful fabric blinds. Maybe they already do.

Plans are set for motel reservations for my nephew's surgery in Columbus. The hospital allows a room for immediate family. My niece was eligible for that room. My sisters and I rented a room in the nearest motel. It is one mile away. The free room that is affiliated with the hospital? Twenty minutes away. How typical.

My nephew was very close to both his grandmothers (who have passed). His father is also gone. I think about them a lot as this surgery approaches.

On my last day of work my co-worker talked me into going out to lunch. It was in the middle of the blinding snow storm. During the meal, she made about a dozen remarks about a guy sitting across the restaurant who kept looking at her. When he got up to leave she asked me if she should run over there and give him her telephone number. My turkey sandwich tried to reappear.

Except for three days, I will be out of the office the entire month of March. I know. I should have just taken the 3 days, too. Maybe I will.

Feedback

I used powerpoint and Jasc's Feedback for the above image

I told my daughter not to. But, she did. With days left at the school she spoke negatively about her teacher. I told her "medical" to say medical reasons. She said the class was not what we expected it to be. The teacher is bristling. I am sure it didn't take long for the guidance counsellor to talk to her teacher. Lessons. Life lessons.

Rippled

As if my thoughts weren't scattered enough, I plunge down another hill on the roller coaster ride of life. A representative of the home school speaks to me and I want my daughter to be home schooled. The school supervisor speaks to me (yes, the same one I confronted about the hair issue) and I want my daughter to continue at the vocational school.

My few days in Columbus talking to my sisters (former teachers) should get my head straight.

The candidates have been close to my area. I am surrounded by superfluous political propqganda.

Oh, and pay no mind to that distorted being posting on my blog yesterday. That happened to be a stressed and perplexed desperado incurring the effects of a mid-life meltdown. Yuk, yuk.

Bare trees

Photo taken February 2007

Since I am not going anywhere these days for work, I pulled a photo from last year. All the trees are cold and bare in Ohio this time of year. Except for those pesky marcescence oak trees in my neighborhood. Their dry, brittle and brown leaves hang on all winter long. Annoying!

My spirits are low and my stress is high. Actually my spirits go up and down like a roller coaster. One day things are going smooth. This plan and that plan come together and it looks like all is going well for my March madness. Then, a phone call on Tuesday. Two weeks. I didn't even think to look to see when my daughter's 9 week school semester would end when we planned the surgery. Ugh. If I pull her she may lose all the credit since the beginning of January. What to do, what to do?

So, would you leave a 16 year old girl alone for a week by herself with all family over an hour away? Nope. Me, neither. Me and this school. We gotta work something out. So my stress soars again. Can they? Can she? Will they give her work to do while we are in Columbus? Will her absent days go over the horrific 18 that they allow students to miss before wiping them off the face of their school record for the entire year? Can I drive her home in the middle of the week, while my sister comes up to stay for two days to drive her back and forth to school for the rest of the week? Can she do a week's worth of school work in two days? Will they bend? Will my sister come up and stay with her? She is now the only money earner in her family. How can I ask her to do this for me?

One brother is watching my dog. He doesn't see very well. Three of my sisters will be with me in Columbus. One brother will be on a cruise. One brother barely speaks to the family. My sister was able to get a continuance to be with us during her son's surgery. She can't drive, but she can do some nursing. Washing clothes, cooking and taking care of household stuff. I'll be the main driver.

Pedal faster, Peruby. I'm dizzy. I have to get organized. I guess I have to tell the school that she needs to go to Columbus with me. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am abnormal in providing a home life and normal school life for my child. Why didn't I plan this better? Why couldn't I have suggested the surgery to be in the summer when she could come with me without missing school? The hospital said, "We recommend that he have this surgery sooner rather than later." I was thinking of him, not myself or my daughter (that sounds horrible).

I worry that the school may not understand why I have to take her with me to Columbus. I am sure they will ask "Can't she stay with anyone?" Okay, then I have to confess to them my trust issues. I won't leave my daughter with anyone but family for a week. I worry that they will think I am a freak who cannot provide adequate care for my daughter. Or, that I cannot make arrangements for her to stay with anybody while I go to Columbus. Why, oh why do I worry about this?

I feel like a failure. Why didn't I insist that she learn to drive a car when she turned 16? This way I could have a second car and she could drive herself to school. But, that wouldn't solve the issue of her having to stay by herself for a week. Why doesn't she have a friend pick her up for school? My daughter doesn't like asking her friend for favors. Sound familiar? Apple doesn't fall far.

When I mentioned to my sister if she could come up and stay with my daughter, she said "The girl is 16 years old! Can't she stay by herself?" Ouch. I feel like a failure. That maybe I have babied her too much. My sister has since said of course she will help me out by coming up and taking care of the cats and driving my daughter to school. Her first response stung and this is why I hate asking people for help. God, how I hope she never finds this blog. I don't mean to sound the way I am afraid it is sounding.

The school levy didn't pass last year. They don't run busses with-in 2 miles of the school. We live one mile from the school. My daughter has to walk 1 mile to get to the bus that picks her up at her home school and is going to take her to the vocational school which is 5 miles away. I know my daughter. She will say screw it and stay home (causing another absent day).

I drive my daughter everywhere because my mother did not drive and I never had rides. (I won't even begin to tell you why I couldn't ask my Dad). I always had to beg rides from sisters, brothers and friends and Mom's of friends. When you see one too many eyes roll at the thought of them having to drive you home or somewhere, you learn real quick not to ask anymore. I did not want my daughter to go through this begging that I went through. I make sure that I offer rides to all of my daughter's friends. I will never forget having to ask for rides when I was young. I look back and I realize that I just quit the activity rather than ask rides from anyone. I always felt like a burden.

So, there. I feel pretty much like a failure. I can't control this. I want to, but it is fast slipping away from me and I feel that it is controlling me.

Big breath. Okay. I know I am not a failure. This is just the jitters. I'll call the school tomorrow. If they allow her to try and do the work until the 14th while she is in Columbus, that will be great. If not, she will have to make up all the credits. So be it. See? I'm feeling better already. Her home schooling orientation is scheduled for the 19th. Her surgery is scheduled for the 26th. Oh, I didn't mention her surgery? I'm getting dizzy again.

Golden

A Wine Cellar Restaurant

I moved to a small town when I was three years old. We moved once more across town when I was six. When I was that age it was 1966. My oldest sister had graduated college in 1964. She married in 1968. In that time frame she had a few cars and they were clunkers. There was a repair shop/garage. It is now a fancy restaurant.

What makes the evening a "good" evening? Is it the company? It is the food? It is the atmosphere? Is it somebody else picking up the check? LOL!

I would say the most important ingredient for me is the company. That was taken care of (my family). The second most important would be the food. The restaurant gets a super A+ for the food. I had filet mignon and it was superb. My daughter had the salmon (also superb). The third would be the atmosphere. Another A+. In fact the decor was golden and magical.

The prices were on the high side, but I had been forewarned so I was prepared. When the food was that good, you can make some sacrifices. And the food was THAT good.

One little itty, bitty flaw. Somebody had invited a friend who became drunk and a bit belligerent. He happened to be seated next to me. Now, he was an okay guy, but he was loud and a know-it-all. You know the type. Once we mentioned the fact that my daughter had been given some flak about her hair color at school he went on a rampage about how schools could not do that because of freedom of expression etc... And, when he found out she was interested in Graphic Arts he knew all about that. Then he proceeded to tell us all about Kurt Vonnegut Jr and Einstein and so on and so forth. The folks on his other side got the worm hole theory. He probably needs to be a college professor or something. Let him bore students. He has some great insight and appears to be well informed, but he was so full of hot air. Oh, well.

Otherwise, a splendid evening.

IT

What I'll be drinking tonight

Iced tea. Not the Long Island type, either. This has been a long awaited evening for most of us. We (family) are dining in a place where my oldest sisters used to have their cars fixed. Back in the 60's it was a garage. Now it is a restaurant. I'll take pictures. We have heard a lot about this place. I hope it can live up to it's reputation.

Funeral was very nice. The sun was dazzling on the snow. Things were slushy but there were no casualties. The procession was led by a huge fire truck and followed by an ambulance. All with lights and fanfare. She was a wonderful contributor to community service.

I am dragging but I hope to catch my second wind before the 50 minute drive.

Snow day cookies

Sob. What went wrong?

I follow the recipe on the Nestles chocolate chip bag. Maybe I shouldn't. My chocolate chip cookies come out flat. I need to research this on the web. They get hard quick this way. I will have to seal them up with some soft white bread. That will do the trick. Yum.

I baked the cookies this morning. My manager called at 7:30 to say that the office is closed. Forget the meeting. Problem is, he called at 11 p.m. last night. I was in a beautiful deep sleep. My daughter was too. I had wrapped my elbow and arm snuggly in the heating pad, turned it up on high and had drifted off into one of the most peaceful sleeps. I was so scared it was a relative calling about a loved one. Since my brother's MIL just passed, death is on my mind.

I may be able to go to calling hours this afternoon then instead of this evening. I have the Columbus group coming in for my niece's 21st birthday party. I am picking the carrot cake with cream cheese icing up at 5 p.m. This is the niece that lived with me for a few years and this is the nephew that will be having the heart surgery in a week. Their Mother is still unfettered. May be a different story on Monday. Oh, well.

Tomorrow is a busy day, too. I like snow days, but this will delay my home school plans yet again. I can't call to get direction if all schools and their personnel are not in the office. Sigh. Figures. Time keeps pushing the deadline to the edge. I am in a slow panic. The funeral should slow me down and give me something peaceful to reflect on and to put my universe into perspective.

Rage

I wanted something warmer and prettier than my day

Rage. It is a wild emotion, isn't it? You have a bad day. You begin to feel a cold coming on. You are sneezing, you are stuffy, sniffling and your sinus begins to ache. Your elbow pain from the day before comes back in that dull ache. Your co-worker won't shut up.

One thing goes wrong. Then another. And still another. Okay. Don't let it get you down. You have had setbacks before. Then a big setback. This one concerns the plans for March when I will be out of town. Somebody told me the wrong information. I began to scramble. My mind began to race. Action, action! Start making phone calls, get the paperwork out of the car, if possible fax the information, right? My head begins to ache. My co-worker asks if she can help me. I tell her "No, thanks." I want her to just leave me alone. But, she continues to talk about trivial stuff. You want to know how you can help me? Shut up! The rage begins to boil.

I want to blame somebody. Pulling my daughter out of a school. I don't do this every day. In fact, I have never done this before in my life! How do you think I would know what to do? I have lost sleep over this decision! Deep breath. Just move quickly. Phone line is busy, redial. Fax line is busy, redial. Don't give up. Don't stop to think, just keep pushing. Get the paperwork in order. Co-worker is still chatting endlessly about what, now? Her exercises that her physical therapist has her doing? Is that what she is jabbering about now, or was that her diarrhea of the mouth episode this morning?

Oh, no. That's right. This morning it was all about her will and finances and how I should be doing my taxes the way she does hers, because that is what is best for her. She goes into minute detail about how she is claiming a cup of coffee from McDonald's because she bought it on a drive to one of her doctor's visits. She said that she can claim any uncovered medical bills and how I should do the same thing. How in the hell does a cup of coffee qualify as a tax deduction? She has it written down in her little daytimer that she bought just for this purpose. Oh, I could go on.

My daughter needed some new clothes for the funeral and dinner we are going to this week-end. I drive her out to the store. She picks a few things out and we check out. I get into a tiff with the sales lady. She is selling me a magazine I don't want, because it has a coupon in it - blah, blah, blah. I made her show me in detail how this was saving me money. She finally did, but come on. Explain it to me, just don't tell me to take your word for it! Sheesh! I came this close to returning the merchandise and closing my account. I can't do that to my daughter. We hate shopping and we want to just go home.

My nerves are shot. I made a commitment and I am going to stand by it, but give me a break. Why does everything have to catch on a snag with each turn I take? My pain has radiated down from my elbow into my arm and wrist. The heating pad helps the elbow but makes the wrist and forearm ache.

To put the icing on the cake, I have a department meeting tomorrow at my home office. I have a lot of anger towards my manager and some co-workers at this time. I have not been in that office since May. I was wondering if I was going to go one year before they had a meeting with us. My co-worker in my office has been down several times for her particular job description. My department has not met to discuss work and the organization since May. I know that not everybody likes meetings but get real. We need to have some kind of communication. Something to tell me in which direction is the company going? What is expected of me? What is in store for me? Instead of me getting surprised when they tell my clients (schools) what I am going to be doing before they tell me? Breathe. Let it all out.

Could be I may not have to go at all. We are under a winter storm watch from 7 p.m. to 7 p.m. My drive is 60 miles one way. My manager stated that if we have bad weather to postpone the meeting one hour. What ever.

My wrist is really hurting and my rage is finally dissipating.

Edit: After much research I found the problem with my elbow. It is rare and you probably won't find much information out there about it. It has a name, I guess. Some call it scotomukitlit syndrome. (Scooping too much kitty litter). Yep. Besides the computer and writing, that hurts the most. Scooping.

Bend

The "taken-for-granted" elbow

I am surprised that it hasn't happened to me before this. Yesterday shortly after writing my last post, my elbow began to hurt. It started out aching, like the old folks say their joints are aching when there is rain coming or something like that. I may have taken some Advil, I don't recall.

I went to bed with a heating pad on it. The kind that shuts itself off automatically after an hour. I awoke at 2 a.m. I was in severe pain. I stumbled around, took a couple of Advil and turned the heating pad on and tried to get comfortable. I watched French Connection II with Gene Hackman. You know how I like him as an actor. I have not seen the first one. The movie was strange in the fact that it kept freezing. Must be a digital thing. I would have been on the computer, but I could not move my fingers without severe pain, let alone type anything or move the mouse.

I finally drifted back to sleep at about 5:30 when my alarm is set to go off at 6. Figures. I was so tired all day. You could see the pain and fatigue in my face. A couple of people gave me that double take when looking at me. Advil kept the pain at bay, but I couldn't wait to run home and wrap the heating pad around my arm again.

I typed this morning with my left hand. Or, I should say I tried to type. It was comical. I moved very slowly doing everything. So much I take for granted! Now I can relate to the expression "Like losing my right arm". Wow.

Things are better and I should be resting it instead of typing, but here I am. Restless.

My sister-in-law's Mother passed away today. They knew it was going to happen. Two nurses yesterday said "She will go in the next 24 hours." I guess they have seen death so much, they know. The massive stroke had left her nearly brain dead. She was a very special lady. So gentle, so kind, and so very giving. May she rest in peace.

An angel of hope

From Warther's Museum 2007 Christmas display

I am consumed today by a total and complete feeling of sadness and despair. I wasn't this morning. I was fine at my meeting. I do believe it did start after the meeting. It put me into a deep and dark despair. Sometime after lunch it began to envelope me. There are a lot of contributing factors to this particular episode, most of which I won't go into much detail.

I have a relative who is facing the death of a loved one. Her Mother had a massive stroke and is not doing well at all. She is not coherent and she does not know where she is most of the time. The hospital sent her home saying that there was nothing they could do for her. You wonder. Who at the hospital decides this? A team of doctors? The Administrator? Both? The Insurance company? Medicare/Medicaid?

Things are not working out for me as far as my scheduling family to help me out with pets and my daughter. They are not working out at all. I am trying, but I feel like I am getting nowhere and that things are taking longer than I anticipated. I am beating myself up for not starting arrangements sooner than I have. It isn't like I do this every year. People keep asking me questions and I don't have any answers. I don't know. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know who is going to do what. I am too timid to tell people I need you here this day and this day and I need you to do this, this and that. I don't often "need" anybody. Ugh.

I want to stop my addiction to Ginger ale. I am losing. I want to stop my addiction to news on the web. I read and read about what is going on. I am an information guzzler. I read article after article. I branch off when something interests me. It has a price. I get depressed. Serial killers, hackers, missing children, drug abuse, politics, terrorism - it is bringing me down. I can't seem to stop reading. I want input. More input. I am thirsty for information. What is this addiction?

What is it that a therapist would say? "You are not getting all of your needs met." Who the hell does? And how in the hell are we supposed to know what our needs are? Shelter, food and clothing. Oh, you meant emotional needs! Most of the time I am fine. This is one phase of time (perhaps 4 hours, perhaps 24) out of weeks of content living and feeling good. Everybody gets the blues. Good Time Charlie. Come to think of it I found myself singing that song four times within the past month. Maybe my blue period is lasting longer than 24 hours, eh? Well there you have it. The winter doldrums. Pass the sugary donuts. I'm wallowing in my self pity tonight.

Dusting off my black suit

I turn, aroused from my slumber
A noise, a presence floats from the hall
I hear a hushed and haunted footfall
Ominous death has come to call.

Snow Doe

I've misplaced my camera. Again. I used my daughter's Olympus a couple of times, but I am not familiar with it, so pictures come out blurry. I reached back into my archives from one year ago this month for the above photo of the deer in the snow. Salt Fork region.

I have not received the promised new cable modem from my ISP. Our connection has been cutting out for the past three days, so I am not real certain what is going on. Kids are complaining because they are using the Xbox 360 online and when the Internet cuts out, they get dropped out of their game.

The winter doldrums have set in. I am looking at a busy March. I'll be out of town for about half of the month taking care of things for family. I am busy this month scheduling and rounding up family/friends to take care of my pets and to help out with my daughter. I'll probably be doing a lot of driving back and forth. This will give the little green car a workout. It is now 12 years old as of last month. Since the odometer worked on and off for 2 years, I am not exactly certain the mileage. Since we put the new one in and started at zero, it has over 16 thousand on it. Prior to that the old one read over 150,000. I am estimating we probably didn't register 10,000 to 15,000 miles. Around 190k.

I am not exactly sure why my spell checker quit working. Maybe I should post in Explorer to see if it starts working again there. I am running Firefox 2.0.0.12 version right now.

In my Sunday paper I get The Parade section. It lists the world's worst dictators. I find this interesting as I get older. After watching the movie The Kingdom and researching as to why Americans choose to live in Saudi Arabia, it answers some questions. But, how dangerous. After reading about the way these dictators run their "kingdoms" are just plain scary. And why does the United States keep in contact and trade with them? Oil is an obvious reason, but there are others. Sudan because of gum arabic? An ingredient in soda and candy. Ugh. I chose a great week to stop drinking my beloved Canada Dry Ginger Ale, didn't I?

Zimbabwe for stainless steel. Or rather the stuff that goes into making stainless steel. We do like our stainless steel. The economy in this country appears to have gone kaput, but the United States is owed a great deal of money from them and so we continue to keep negotiations open hoping someday to collect on that debt.

And, as for Uzbekistan, isn't it rather ironic that the largest importer of uranium from that country is given the name "Nukem"? Is that some sort of a joke?

We went to see Jumper at the theater the other night. I wore my ear plugs, but I think I even got a headache from them being in my ears. It was quite uncomfortable and I am not sure I can get used to them. I'll keep trying different types, I guess. The movie was okay, but had a rather lame ending by my account. It is about teleportation.

Like my frill?

Triceratops display at the museum

I read that the frill on the back of the neck quite possibly changed color when facing a potential mate and when facing a potential foe. I guess like a peacock this creature strutted his stuff when mating was a possibility.

First remains were found in Denver, CO. and was thought to be those of an extinct buffalo.

We've had a couple of days off from school because of inclement weather. Did not get much done because inclement weather equals headaches. We did catch a movie The Kingdom. About Saudi Arabia, terrorism, oil and the Bureau.

Lucy didn't fall

Dinkenesh

She only moved around the corner. Well, she may have fallen - but it would have been 3.2 million years ago. And it could have been from out of a tree where she spent most of her time.

It had been a few years since I had been to Cleveland to visit my friend Lucy. The last time I was there I told her that we were kind of growing tired of the trip and we had pretty much exhausted our interest in the area. She said she understood and that she would be there if and when we decided to return. Somewhere along the years, she moved from the East Wall to the South Wall. I told her that change was inevitable. She laughed and said "Don't I know it!"

Lucy is full of stories. You can't imagine her experiences. She doesn't tell me in so many words what her life was like, I pretty much have to make it up as I go along. There was a gentlemen there that was telling everything he knew about Lucy to a man from Nigeria. I already knew how she got her name. What I didn't know was that she was christened during a beer drinking party. Well, I guess they were celebrating, because Lucy was a very special female.

I thought it was Richard Leakey, but it was Johanson. He happened to be the curator of the Cleveland museum during the time that he and Gray discovered Lucy and this is how she ended up in Cleveland. Except she isn't in Cleveland. I was a bit dismayed when I discovered she really resides in Ethiopia, but came to realize that was her "real" home. I have heard that she may be visiting in Houston Texas this year. Just a replica of her resides in Cleveland. Oh.

It was a 93 mile trip one way for my daughter and I. But, we learn. We broaden our brains just a little bit more. For more museum photos, click on the link on the right side bar of the blog "See more of my photos."

Moving on, does this sound legitimate to you? Yesterday in the mail I received a notice from my cable/Internet provider. They stated that they realized they had made a mistake when I added turbo Internet to my service. They realized that I didn't have the correct modem for this service. Not only are they going to send me a new modem to set up, but they are going to credit me for all the months I have had turbo Internet but (by their words) have not had the speed I should have been having. Okay.

I haven't called them to complain in months. What gives? I am suspect. Have you ever heard of a cable company admitting a mistake and compensating you for it? And to top it off, admitting it before you even ask or question the bill and/or service? This is just too fishy for me. I may have a problem with trust, but I have my reasons.

Is there anything in my previous posts that could be incriminating to me? Did I go too far with my daughter and her school? Did I say something about work that I shouldn't have? Hmmm. Interesting. Is this modem going to monitor everywhere I go and each word I type on line? I just don't trust them. Here are their exact words:

(begin letter)

It has come to our attention that the cable modem we provided to you for use with your "Name of Internet Provider" Turbo service needs to be replaced. In the next few days, you will receive a replacement modem via UPS which will allow you to take advantage of the full speeds of Turbo. In the meantime, in order to minimize any inconvenience to you, we have credited your account the difference between the Turbo price you have been paying, and the price we charge to regular customers. Depending on your billing cycle, you should see this credit in your next statement, or the statement after that.

We value your business tremendously and apologize for any inconvenience this situation may cause you. We look forward to providing you with blazing-fast Turbo services for many years to come.

(end letter)

We watched Jodie Foster in The Brave One. It was okay. I didn't like it as much as her recent movies. Too gruesome for me - the violence. Ugh.

Deluge

On my drive today

We've had some rain. It spit a bit of snow, but for the most part - it is warm enough for rain. A little flooding east of me. I captured this image while driving to a school today. The wind was biting cold when I stepped out of my car to take the photo. I didn't tarry.

I am watching Dragonfly with Kevin Costner and it is freaking me out.

What is it?

It's a freshly opened container of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"

My daughter was amazed at the swirl and had to take a picture. I am thinking this is about four years old - the photo. I think it kind of looks like a diaphragm. Sort of.

As for her hair incident. It seems to have blown over. Monday the supervisor was much nicer to her and let her go to class. The next day in the newspaper I read that the school had to deal with a kid who came to school drunk. Wow. He got something a little bit more interesting to take up his time than my daughter's hair. It only cost me a 12 pack of beer, but hey - it was worth it. The hard part was getting the kid to drink it on a Monday morning. He wanted to wait until Friday. JOKE people, JOKE! I would never buy an underage kid alcohol.

Well, okay. There was this one time. No, no, no I didn't. Just kidding. Again.

Dipping oil

The first time I was at a restaurant that served dipping oil with their bread I almost became physically ill. The other night I found that I couldn't resist it. The spices were perfect.

This may be the recipe for the one served at Carrabbas.

We tried

We had the hair stylist re-color my daughter's hair. It didn't make much of a difference. The photo is a little blurry because it was snapped at 6:30 a.m. with my daughter's camera and I am not familiar with her camera. The school supervisor said to her, "I can see that you are working on it" and he let her go to her classes. He mentioned that he had spoken with the Cosmetology teacher and she had told him how difficult it is for the color of red to hold onto blond hair. Whatever. We'll see what he does tomorrow. We have not done another thing to her hair tonight. She is tired of this and so am I.

She asked me "NOT" to go into the school with her today. I didn't go because she asked me not to. I wanted to confront him again. Probably a good thing that I did not.

Thanks to all who commented that they are as baffled by this as I am. Again, the two reasons are "Unnatural hair color disrupts education and they (as a Career Center) must teach the students to have employability." Somebody said this guy has too much time on his hands and he needs to get a life. My daughter said another teacher told her this.

I know for certain that I have a headache. My daughter is tired of people dying her hair. I don't have much money to spare to hire a lawyer (if I wanted to go that far) and the ACLU makes the comment on their web page for our district that they don't have enough man power to answer the phones, they recommend that I write a letter. Ugh. If push comes to shove, I will ask to meet with the entire Administration staff and the board that supervises this entity. Why does the song by Jeannie C. Rylie keep running through my head? No, on second thought I'll just pull her out for the rest of the year and sign her up for home schooling. Screw it.

On a lighter note, my nephew chose "Carrabbas" for dinner Saturday night. It was packed. We had a party of 8 and had to sit in two different booths, but we were next to one another. The food was great. Better than great. It was a wonderful time. I ordered the zucchini fritte with a roasted garlic aioli dip for an appetizer and my entree was the whitefish wulf in a delicious creamy artichoke sauce. I wonder if they flew it in from Wulf's in Boston? My daughter had the grilled salmon. Exquisite.

Here's the hair

she cannot wear...
in school.

No time

I closed my eyes and picked a photo

This is what you get. I didn't have much time to look for a photo that kind of describes my life right now. This is a picture of a rarely used water fountain in my office building. We have the water coolers planted in three places in the building that serve up delicious cold fresh water. Only rare visitors passing by the men's restroom use this fountain.

My daughter had to sit in "In school suspension" on Thursday because of her hair color. I went a couple of rounds with the school supervisor. I did not win and I did not expect to win. I wanted to argue my point on my daughter's behalf. She had me convinced that it was the amount of the unusual color in her hair the last time instead of the unusual shade. Au contraire. Because of conceding at the beginning of the year to her choice of hair color, I knew that he was going to keep throwing that up in my face. He did. Here is the beginning of a letter I wrote to my newspaper editor (which they did not print, probably a good thing for me, because I signed my name).

At a school near you students are pulled out of the hall in Hitler fashion and being placed in the gas chamber (In-school suspension). Why? Because they are not blond hair and blue eyed. Well, close. Because they have unacceptable hair color or eye make-up. Shades of red, pink, blue green and purple. Anything deemed unacceptable by the Administrator. The reason they cannot wear the unnatural color? It is an educational distraction or it may affect how they are judged in the future when they go off into the world to make a living.

My daughter does not want to change her hair color, but I am taking her tomorrow.

Her junior year in this school and her time with this school administrator is a blip on the radar in her beautiful and creative life. Screw him.

For the record, my daughter is NOT being discriminated against. They are pulling kids out left and right because of hair color and eye shadow and hair style (such as mohawks). I am not certain about piercings and tattoos. I had to wear a dress (or skirt) to school until I was in the 8th grade and I am bristling. Hair color harms nobody nor does it threaten other students. She is not using a lighter and catching paper on fire. She is not dropping banana peels in the hallway in an attempt to get someone to slip and hurt themselves. She is not squirting soap onto the bathroom floor. She is not sassing the teacher. She is not flinging rubber bands at staff or other students. She is not misusing school property. She is not throwing food in the cafeteria. She does her work, she does well. She is not a straight A student, she gets an occasional C.

I understand that limits have to be set. If they let her get away with a magenta/red hair color (even just a patch in her bangs) then they have to let another student get away with lime green, plum purple and Easter egg blue, and so on and so forth. He refused when I offered to have her cover it with a headband or to hide it behind the blond hair with a paper clip. Not acceptable, he said. I understand rules have to be followed. But the handbook was too vague for his argument. The rulebook reads:

"Hair color is to be of a natural shade as deemed acceptable by the Administrators."

There are 10 administrators and only 2 have seen her hair. I asked. He said that all Administrators are on the same page and in agreement with him. Hmmm. I asked him if he had a chart to determine what shades of red are acceptable and what shades are not. He said "No." I said then it is a matter of opinion. He agreed. He kept repeating "A color they can be born with or close to it." I scoffed. Another opinion. Oh, bother again. I am getting fired up. Again.

For the most part we are getting her hair changed because it did fade into a lot of pink. That is not what she wanted. She told me she wasn't going to do it. She wants me to pull her and home school her. It is something I have been against for years. I would consider it if it is just for the remainder of the year. Another point is the fact that we are very unhappy with the school's graphic arts program. I figure if she can do her math, English, government and science at home, then I can take her to the University for Graphics arts classes. Directly across from her current school.

Walking in the mall yesterday, I saw girls with green hair, red striped hair, and other various darker colors. I asked them where they went to school. "Home schooled" was the answer from each and every one of them.

I swore I wouldn't do it. The homeschooling. Arrgghh! Then where would she go for her Senior year? There is open enrollment. Worry about that when it comes. I have another reason in favor of homeschooling that I won't go into at this time. Big decisions. The pro's column of homeschooling is getting longer. I work at the place that actually offers the orientation and arranges the schooling. How convenient is that? I talk to the staff daily.

I cannot get in touch with my nephew who is supposed to be coming into town for a birthday dinner and a lot of family are waiting for me to let them know where the dinner is. He has not picked the restaurant or let me know what time he will be arriving. He didn't even answer his cell phone or return my call. This has me beyond worried.

One of my cats vomited and my daughter found a worm in it. The vet is diagnosing the worm as I type. I told them I want to treat all my cats and my dog if necessary for whatever it is. Yuck. I am about ready to hurl my coffee. Moving on.

What else? Oh, I have had a migraine on and off all week. Silent scream. I really didn't want to take any more medicine today, but guess what? It won't stop. It begins in the eyes and then I get really sick to my stomach. Sleeping makes me feel much worse. The medicine works wonders, but how many times a week am I supposed to take it? The weather in this Ohio Valley has been nuts, that is for sure.

I have a cake to bake and a house to clean. I have no time for migraines.

Well, the vet's office just called. I am off to get my babies their worm medicine. I chose the drops on the back of the neck instead of 2 pills for each cat. Could you imagine? I wouldn't have any skin left on my arms or hands if I had to force 2 pills down each cat's gullet.

My head is really pounding, now. My 3 Advil didn't last long. Ugh.