Tangled

Sigh. No, not the movie. Wires. I do not deal with this (photo) much anymore. Thank God! I still have tangled messes at work, though. I have four major issues and no matter how hard I try, I cannot get them resolved! I have banged my head against my computer all week in an attempt to at least fix one of them before the week is over. I have today,  yet. There does not seem to be a fix for them. Arrgghh!

The movie. My daughter and her beau have the movie at his house. They are going to stop and get it today so I can watch it. We won the movie in a gift basket at a recent benefit supper. Yay!

I do have a movie to comment on. The Sea Inside.  It was an interesting biopic of a man who became a quadriplegic after a diving accident. He wanted somebody to assist him in suicide after 28 years of paralysis. Somebody asked me "why didn't he just quit eating?"  I am not positive of the answer to that, but perhaps they would have fed him intravenously if he tried that. I don't know.

What a pair

They came as a pair. Mr. Tibbs on the left and Teton on the right.

Like a Rock

Stood there boldly, sweatin’ in the sun

The song was still resounding in my head after
my drive.


...felt like a million, felt like number one


I sat down at my computer to check my e-mail messages

....at the height of summer, I’d never felt that strong

My god! I felt so strong and alive back then.

Like a rock

My daughter's boyfriend and his cousin walked into the room.


I was eighteen, didn’t have a care

I felt like I was on top of the world back then.

workin’ for peanuts, not a dime to spare


"We are going to a Bob Seger concert the end of May,
you wanna go?"


but I was lean and solid everywhere

Sigh... Bob Seger... I knew every word to every song,
maybe I still do.

Like a rock

I leaned way back in my chair. Bob Seger.....
in person. Not the tribute band this time.

My hands were steady, my eyes were clear and bright

At 20 years old... they were going to listen to Bob...

my walk had purpose, my steps were quick and light


Where was I working at 20 years old?

And I held firm, to what I felt was right

I despised injustice in the workplace. Still do.


Like a rock

A live conert, huh?


Like a rock

Ah yes, I have always witnessed somebody puking at
every concert I have attended....


I was strong as I could be

My head aches thinking about it.

like a rock

I didn't care to see any of that!

Nothin’ ever got to me


Life speeds by, I feel as though I am on a runaway train.

like a rock

Sigh. At 18, 19 and 20 I was a real dancing queen....

I was somethin’ to see

I would even dance sober!

like a rock

Life was risky back then. I was naive.


And I stood arrow straight

Energy seemed endless back then.

...unencumbered by the weight of all these hustlers and their schemes

If I didn't like the situation I was in at work,  I just left.

I stood proud I stood tall high above it all

I had my integrity... I would quickly lose respect for my boss.

I still believed in my dream

Yep. Piss me off and I was out the door. A regular ramblin' man.


Twenty years now, where’d they go?

Twenty, thirty? Who is counting anymore?

Twenty years, I don’t know

Getting up for work day after day after day.


I sit and I wonder sometimes

And when in the hell did my boss become a
person YOUNGER than I?




where they’ve gone

Sh!t! I was singing "Old Time Rock & Roll" before
my current boss was even born!


And sometimes late at night,


No more late nights dancing and partying...don't really miss it.

...oohhh when I’m bathed in the firelight

More like the television light.

the moon comes callin’ a ghostly white, and I recall




That crazy moon! Why does it cast such a spell onto us?

I recall

Why does it bring back such melancholy memories?


Like a rock...

My daughter's boyfriend brought me out of my reverie,
"So, do you want me to get you a ticket?"

Like a rock...

Thirty years....

Like  a rock...

Time waits for no one....

Like  a rock...

I managed a weak smile.
"Nah, go on ahead without me..."

I still have my dreams.

Found the video "Like a Rock".

All aboard!

My great nephew at our local park, driving the stationary train. Whoo. Had to look that one up. At first I typed the "e" instead of the "a". 

The train of life goes fast, n'est-ce  pas?

I am exhausted. Just going day to day is draining me. I have a five day break this week-end and I found myself trying to fill up each and every day with something. Why? 

Probably to get out of housework. I need to do some serious cleaning and maybe by scheduling myself out this day and that day I can say to myself again, "Just not enough hours in the day!"

I volunteered to help paint a set for the local theater. I told my brother I had the firehouse software ready for the new computer. They are jumping from a Windows 98 machine to Windows version 7 - 64 bit. What a transfer! Needless to say it needs to be performed in stages.

I travel two hours on Sunday to go to the family get together. Not a lot going. They are not driving the over two hour drive to get there. Whatever.

I have worked very hard to rebuild my reputation at work. I am not in the same place I was four to five years ago. I have come to realize that my co-worker may have had a lot to do with my problems. She has been gone for two years and I am at the top of my game. Like I am supposed to be.

Then one little incident sent me spiraling back into the suspicious mindset that I nursed for so long. I figured it out in my head to where it does not bother me. I worked things out so that I do not feel cheated.  Two can play the game, n'est-ce pas?

How many times do we feel as if our life is a run away train? Out of control? Ready to jump the tracks? Which brings me to a movie. Hah, always!

Unstoppable with D Washington. I liked it. Based on a true story. Some filming was done in Ohio. My favorite quote is "...not you. I'm not doing it for you."  That is what I want to tell my manager and director when they thank me for doing a good job. I have zero respect for them. I am not doing this for them. For me it is all about the children. And to feel good about myself.

My home made added color to my dogwood tree

The batteries iare dying in my mouse and I am too tired to go and dig up new ones to put in it. Here is my dogwood tree from a month or two ago when a wet snow fell on my home made color flowers.

Need to make one of these

Maybe I will make this one for Easter. We travel a bit farther this year than usual. I am to make a cheese ball and bring a vegetable tray. Easy food to transport.

I have not been cooking very much this week. Been crazy busy. I did make some steak and potatoes and chicken tenders. I put too much cayenne pepper in the breading for the chicken. Whoo! A bit hot.

I also seem to be out of the habit of taking pictures. I need to get back into that hobby again. I love to take pictures and see them when I transfer them to the computer. I would love a new camera, but I don't think that is feasible during this sorry economical time.

We went to a benefit dinner today. Spaghetti. My stomach has been hurting this evening.  Not sure what that is from. They had delicious pumpkin cheesecake for dessert from Bob Evans. Simply delicious. We won two gift baskets. A doggie one (surprise) and a movie one. Another surprise. My daughter was trying to win the golf one for her beau.

I tried to see the moon tonight but there were too many clouds. I'll take the big dogs out one more time. Maybe I can catch a glimpse of it this time.

Cheech is the playful one

Cheech should have been a girl dog. He prances. He is pretty. He is very playful and tries to get you to like him very much. Chong is the big and burly (almost husky in the shoulder area). Cheech is very playful and dances when  you take him outside and runs and grabs a pine cone to play with.

Chong struts around kind of stiff legged. Both from the same litter. Both have their own little personalities. They have never been separated. Not even for one night. Their cages are side by side.

Visitors are amazed when I take my dogs outside. All four are looking at me with questions in their eyes as I open the back door. I say the name of one dog. For example, "Cheech".  The other three back away and Cheech comes forward. They seem to know their names. Even if I call them each by seven different names. Cheech, Chester, Chimichanga, Cheechie, Chee-Chee.

We watched "Hereafter" last night. My daughter loves Damon. The effects of the tsunami were spectacular and horrifying. I want to apologize to anybody that is a fan of BD Howard. But I cannot stand to look at her. It is her eyes, I think. She just makes me uncomfortable.

We were left flat at the end of the movie. "Is that all?"  Nothing more about the hereafter? Basically it is just the lives of two people who have lived a near-death experience and one boy who lost his twin. Nothing magical or riveting. Except for that tsunami scene at the beginning. We were disappointed and left with a big fat "Big deal."

Sweet Sixteen

Picture taken in April  of 2007. Four years ago this last week. Sweet Sixteen. One of my favorite pics of my daughter. Her hair is all blond and much longer now. This was when we went to Cincin to see The Lion King on stage. Fantastico!

Work and life (in general) has been crazy busy here in the Peruby household. I still have four dogs and five cats. Everybody has their addiction. Some folks buy a bottle of wine with each trip to the store. Me? Dog and cat food.

I would love to see another performance on the stage. Maybe this summer? Ha. 

Purchased a new router and my computer would not connect. Everybody else was able to get a connection pronto. Me? I deleted and re-installed my wireless device. My hard wire cable barely connected directly to the cable modem. What the heck?

Another trip to the store. Now I have a new wireless device. I am connected. I am a little bit poorer, but I am connected. Why did I buy that new router? Speed. Faster, faster! More, more! Now, now!

In my defense, this is what I do for a living (more or less).  I need a good solid connection. I am beginning to do a bit more work at home for the office (they now allow flex time). Some of my work needs to be completed after hours.

It seems kind of funny that the techie the family always calls when they have issues cannot get her own computer on  line. Yeah, yeah. Funny stuff. So I missed a few days of facebook updates. Big deal. I was a bit slow responding to e-mail. Whoopee. 

Well...

There I was enjoying my coffee, toast and jam reading the newspaper. Now, I am sick and feel as if I am ready to throw up.   http://www.timesreporter.com/news/crime/x1485956889/Dogs-muzzle-duct-taped-charges-filed

The owner didn't know it was illegal. I suppose it is a good thing for him that "I Know" it is illegal for me to go there and bust a cap in his ass.

Drawing

My daughter likes to draw. I did to. I still doodle, but do not do much serious drawing. I really need to get back into it. I purchased a tablet for her a few years back. Now, I have helped her to set up purchasing the HP Touchsmart. We will see how it goes.

Here I am

This is me. Right now. Well, if I were male, I guess. My hair is longer. It might be sticking up. I don't know. I do not have as much stubble. I rarely use a pencil. My desk is not this neat. My coffee cup has to squeeze between slippery magazines and stacks of papers. Stuff I never throw away. It helps to absorb the coffee when I spill it anyway. Then the paper and magazines get thrown away.

I am so exhausted. I cannot sleep. A couple of things I know for certain are contributing to my insomnia. Peri menopause and work stress. I had a huge upgrade to the appliance that I take care of at work. I had to drive to my home office. I was gone for over 12 hours. During that time, my only brain breaks were while I was driving. We even had pizza brought in so that we could keep on keeping on. A slice of pizza in one hand, clicking the mouse with the other. Ugh.

There are going to be a slew of issues to deal with today. I can just feel it. This change was quite massive. I inherited this appliance from some guy who did not give a sh!t. He still doesn't. He is a mystery employee where you do not know how he stays employed because he ducks out of everything. So the appliance was not properly  managed for two  years before I took over. Before that the person who managed it is now our director and does not have time for me or the appliance. For two years my questions have gone unanswered. I quit asking questions and hoped for the best.

Then comes the tech who helped me perform the upgrade. We worked over the telephone. For a long time he asked questions. What is this? Who put that in there and why? Do you realize that this won't work? Why didn't you order the "bigger" "better" "more expensive" unit and software? Why? Why? He finally realized that I just manage the damn thing and that I do not get to make any decisions. I tried to explain to him that I "asked" for the correct unit. I was told that we were not going to "band-aid" the appliance. That we were going to get a unit that would work and carry us into the future. I didn't get what I needed.  Imagine that.

What I wanted to tell him was that in case he did not notice, education is getting their budgets hacked all to pieces. I have no idea what state he lived in. It appears as if he were on  Eastern time. He was arrogant. He was technical. He was almost - no he WAS condescending. I needed him. I tolerated it. I still need him. Things were not as bad once he resigned himself to the fact that I had not chosen this ill-fated marriage of appliances - that I was told what we were getting and to make it work.

We will see what the day brings. With such little sleep, I am not optimistic. I may try to shut my eyes, but after this post it will be the most opportune time to take the dogs outside to do their business. Before all the neighbors begin to get up and take their dogs out. It is a zoo out in my neighborhood between 5:30 and 7:30. If I wait too long to take the dogs out - they do nothing because they are too busy barking at other dogs. Sigh.

Anyway, there is no rest tonight. I have planned a small family get together for my daughter. (Small as in less than 12 of us) are meeting in town about an hour away from me. After work there will be a cake to pick up and balloons. Then I rush home to let the dogs out. Then I try to make it to the restaurant by 6:30. 

School budgets. I got the news today. A lot of folks are against public employees getting some of the health benefits paid for. When I was hired (after working in the business field for almost 20 years) I was told that the pay was not up to scale as private business but that they make up for it by offering a better benefits package. Part of that was that some of our health care was covered. That will be taken away (possibly) this July. I have to prepare for the worst. That is a ten percent deduction in my paycheck. 

A lot of people say "Boo Hoo" you don't get your health benefits paid for. I would have been one of them - why should "THEY" get their benefits paid when "I" don't?  This was in the business field where we were evaluated and got raises. In education you get steps. Some years you get a little step, others a little larger.  A step plus a percentage pay increase. Sometimes 1%, rarely 3%. The past two years - no raise at all. 

Like I stated earlier - (benefits) was one of the bargaining factors in getting hired in education. I did not choose education. I chose technology. The benefits of working in technology in the education field were the hours and the lack of emergency downtime. With a five year old (at the time) to raise by myself - the hours were a plus. The fact that if a school's network went down it was not the end of the world compared to a business or hospital needing their Internet connection running 24/7. That means that I would not have to leave the house at 10 p.m. because the network was down. These were attractive traits to me when I accepted the job.

Even the security is gone. Once hired with an on-going contract, I am now an at-will employee. I know, "Just like the rest of us". I can hear you saying "Get over it" or "deal with it". No surprise to me.

If I were to work in business (as my previous jobs) I would possibly be working an afternoon or midnight shift. As you may be aware a lot of computer works gets done "after hours".  And week-ends. I am family oriented so I wanted my evenings and week-ends free. That is why I accepted the job in the education field. Even though it paid less than private business (substantially less), most of us accepted it because the benefit package worked for us.

I enjoy my work. Will I enjoy it less if I have to work evenings? With this new appliance I am finding that I am working more time at home. We did get the notice that we could begin using Flex time. I'll see how that pans out. For whatever reasons - nobody likes to get their paycheck cut. I don't care who you are. I do not look at what people in the business field make doing my work. That just brings on feelings of frustration, anger and resentment. Who needs that? It probably is not an accurate survey, anyway. So, if I have to - I will take the cut. As some of my co-workers mentioned also - we are already drowning, exhausted trying to stay afloat in life. What interesting challenges this cut will bring to our lives.

I read the newspapers. Folks will say "Hey, you will be in the same boat as the rest of us! You will have to pay for ALL of your benefits - just like the rest of us!"  The issue here is - the younger folks - the ones with the freshest minds and ideas and knowledge? They won't be picking education to work in. Our schools and students will be stuck with an older workforce running the networks. Because we are too tired to start over and go back to the business world - where we could possibly make more money. The younger ones won't blink twice about going for the bigger dollar. Once the benefit package is taken out of the equation. I am not just talking health benefits with the package - I am talking sick days/holidays/vacation. Older staff members had experience and patience on their side. Younger staff members learn and grasp new technologies quicker and can implement it faster. And they have fresh ideas. We need to continue to mix it up. I am concerned that our younger, brighter workers are going to move on down the line.

Okay, did I mention I was exhausted? I may not be making any sense.  I may be repeating myself. I am trying to purge the poison feeling out of me. I will type until I do a complete face plant into my keyboard, hopefully missing my coffee cup on the way. Headache - oh yeah. You betcha. Probably need the pills by 8:00.

Face plant completed.

Two decades

Two decades ago I spawned this Monstrosity.

Nothing to write about

Well, I probably have PLENTY to write about. I just don't feel like writing, I guess. I made crab cakes for the first time the other day. Never been a fan. My daughter looks for this appetizer at EVERY restaurant we go to. And, we go to plenty. Lazy ass that I am.

They came out edible, but bland. I have many more recipe ideas to try - so I'll get there.

BTW, this is post number 1900. Woot!

Swan song - NOT!

I realized as I titled this post "Swan Song" some might think it were my last. No way.

Anyway, we watched "Black Swan" over the week-end. What is it with movies and their scenes of private moments with oneself in the bedroom? Good grief! We watched a couple of other movies also, and some of them also included this subject matter. Whatever.

There are about four characters in this movie. Three women and one man. The rest are little bit parts who barely speak or continue the story line. Worthy of all it's embellishment at the Oscars? Again - whatever.

There are moments of suspense. Moments of "ouch!" Moments of wondering "Did that just happen or is she losing it and hallucinating?" Moments of disgust. (If I never see V Cassel kiss again, it would be a-okay with me!). Yes, the movie is intense. We did laugh. Once. When she is in the subway and the older man is making sexual actions toward her. We cringed - a lot. 

Get two movies if you rent this one. Get a comedy. Watch Black Swan first because you are going to need something to lift you up after it, like a silly comedy. I recommend "Due Date". Some vulgar moments with it, though. Very, very similar to Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Where have I been? Hell if I know. I'd like to say I've been busy, but I don't think I have been. Just lazy, I think is more like it. I am getting nothing done.Well, nothing significant.