Sunday School never prepared me for THIS!

I had a strange day at work Friday. Circumstances late Thursday afternoon had me creating a list of keywords that I blocked in our filter for the school districts.  Words that we do not want students to be able to search for.

You know. If you search for images of a 'foot' you will see images of a foot. You can imagine the rest of the body parts or actions etc...

One letter combination that comes up is 'vk'. Go ahead search the images in bing or google search and scroll around a bit. I'll wait.

Yep. They were appearing at the schools also. Why? Because the letter combination 'vk' has never been associated with pictures of that nature. What is next 'oo'?  How can we block every letter combination. Pretty soon all searching will be blocked. 

Egads! Of course our filter company scours the Internets and blocks all the p0rn0 sites it can find. I just hope they have a machine that does that and not actual humans. Yuck!

The issue with the photos from this certain letter combination is vk is like fb (facebook) but in Russia. Our filter company had it listed as an online community (as facebook). Our US facebook appears to be monitored much better and it keeps out the ugly. This vk one does not.

So, 'vk' was listed in the vulgar words the same as 'you can imagine dirty word here'.  This list can get pretty long. I cannot include medical terms for body parts - they are legitimate and certain high schools and vocational schools that teach nursing etc... may need to search for them due to research. Not images, mind you but research.

So there you have it. Sunday school did not prepare me for this. My Mom would be rolling over in her grave and I was so ill with having to isolate the source of the images (you can't do without clicking on the images) I kept my trash can handy because I really felt as if I was going to vomit.

My saving grace was when I went back to an office with some wonderful ladies. I told them I needed a reality check. I told them what I was doing (we are all Moms) and they helped me get through this sickening job with humor and stories. Yes, we laugh at p0rn and are disgusted by it at the same time.

But really. Never in my life would I have imagined I would be creating a list of vulgar words and sharing that list with 40 other people. Then I realized that this is all about change. The world is changing. I don't like getting body scanned or taking my shoes off at an airport either, but it is what it is.

Mmmmm...spaghetti!

An actual text conversation on my phone:

Coming in from a number I do not recognize...

"I think you should come to our "name of city" fire department spaghetti dinner tomorrow."

I replied:

"I do too. Who is this?"

Teton in a drawer

Leave any drawer open and Teton finds her way inside.

One time I was shopping at wallet-mart and my daughter's beau called to tell me he found her inside the bathroom drawer. I guess I had accidentally shut her up in there (she must have crawled to the back) and when he used the bathroom heard her inside the drawer. Oops.

If the FBI want me, they know where to find me

Timeline:

I receive notice from my director at work about fingerprint background check on January 17th that I am due to have one by May 6th. We are required to get one every five years.

I place a reminder in my phone for May 1st and in my day timer.

On April 5th I go to home office for a department meeting. (Fingerprint background check has slipped my mind since the reminder 2 1/2 months ago)

On April 10th I get a reminder from the secretary of our home office reminding me I need background check by May 6th.

I curse under my breath saying "Drat. I could have had this done on April 5th when I was there for a meeting."

I ask my manager what action I should take:

      a. drive to home office just to have background check done which costs mileage and cost of  BCI.

      b. have BCI done at my location office with a PO from home office and they will bill my home office

      c. have BCI done at my location, pay for it and put expense on my monthly expense sheet

My manger says I bring up a good point and he will check in with the director to see what I should do.

After one week, I receive no answer, so on April 16th, I ask my location office if I get a PO can I get a BCI done? They say absolutely. I take the most sensible option from the three choices. Please take note here that the regular lady who does PO's was not at her desk, so I asked another employee.

Many times I just take matters into my own hands because past experience tells me that if I don't, nobody will ever get back to me about what I am supposed to do, and I get in hot water for not having this done (in this example - my background check) by the due date.

I ask (in an e-mail) secretary of home office for a PO number so I can get my BCI.

 Home office secretary snaps at me that I should not need one. There is one on file for this!

I apologize to her and tell her I will check with my location's office to see if they have an outstanding PO number for me. I explain that the regular lady who handles the PO's was not at her desk and I had actually spoken to another employee there.

Home office secretary does not wait for my return message but runs to director with my e-mail message and who reprimands me and says I should have had this procedure done on April 5th! Of course I feel like a scolded child.

If I were the manager/directory I would have said "In the future, please try to remember to have this procedure done when you are scheduled at the home office for meetings."  Something to that effect. I was there in November for a meeting and the next one was April 5th (that is how rare we have department and/or staff meetings). This is the first time this incident has happened. It is not a repeat issue. I am very good at being efficient and always keep money-saving/time-saving practices in my mind. In fact, I am damn good.

I gather myself and say my mantra over and over that I must remain calm and not fire back a sarcastic smart-ass remark. After some time, I decide to dis-arm them all.

I apologize to her, the secretary and my manager and let them know it slipped my mind when I was there on April 5th and that I am SO SORRY! I state the three dates in my apology. January 17th (first notice), April 5th (meeting) and April 10th (second notice). The reason my manager is now included in the e-mails is because the director carbon copied him when she scolded me.

Secretary sends me a PO number and asks me to let her know date so she can log my next needed BCI check (in five years). Check back in five years for what I am certain is to be a similar episode.

Note on my satellite office. They tell me don't worry about it, they will give me a BCI and bill the home office with or without a PO. They also mention that it is illegal to keep a PO open for 5 years. We all agree that we are so thankful we do not work in my home office. (They are not in any way a part of my home office. They offer me an office to work out of since I am a satellite worker. This arrangement was made 18 years ago by two guys that are now gone). Also note about my location office - the previous evening 10 of us ladies had all met for dinner at a restaurant. We do this monthly and we laugh and carry on so much. We have become so close over the  years. 

I have talked to people in my home office. They say they are so miserable that the atmosphere there is horrible. They all despise one another. The departments work to undermine the other departments. People in the same department work against each other. It is pure poison there. I have heard this from several workers in that office.

I cannot change other people, so what I have learned from this is perhaps when I received that notice on January 17th, I should have put a reminder in my phone for April 1st (because our meetings at the home office are so scarce). This would possibly have reminded me to have the procedure done on April 5th.

And I will take a few moments again today to be thankful that I work in such a warm, friendly office and not in my home office that is filled with hate and animosity.

Everything AND the kitchen sink

I've written about this artist before. We saw her work at Akron Museum in 2000. Here is an article I read recently:  http://www.wmagazine.com/artdesign/2008/09/liza_lou.

I find her work amazing. The photo of the sink of dirty dishes is part of her kitchen piece. It took her five years to create this one. At Akron they also had the backyard picnic and the president portraits.

Really?

Please, please, please readers forgive my next line.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ!

As if the bombings were not bad enough, low lifes have to set up fake sites and charities to dupe unsuspecting people.

They came!

I received my order of A.S.S. (a1s0 $alt $ubstitute).  It is a shame that I had to reduce myself to a threat to get them. In December their e-mail stated 4 weeks for delivery....more like 4 months. Would I ever have received them if I had not resorted to a threat?

I have not tried it, yet. I am half afraid too. They are probably poisoned. LOL! No, they are factory sealed. 

The reason I ordered them on-line in the first place is because my nephew put this product on his Christmas list. He noted that it was difficult to find. Well, me being me - I went straight to their web site and ordered from there. It did not matter to me that it was coming late - he did receive one from his sister who found some when she was roaming out in Colorado on Christmas, so my order was more to stock up. I wanted to begin using a $ubstitute also. This product has added potassium so it probably does mess with medication that the doctor may have prescribed for hypertension. Read about that here.

My daughter is not on any medication, yet. Heck - she never adds sa1t to anything anyway. She has not formed the habit, yet. And, that is what it is. A habit. You acquire a taste for the sa1t and you shake, shake, shake.

During the entire ordeal, I dealt with one lady. Joan. Her last name was even printed on the return address. She is the person who answered the phone (when she answered) - she is the person who called me back. She is the one who sent me the e-mail about the product being shipped.

I wonder what kind of company this is? Is it large? Small? Is it family-owned? It almost sounds like a small family business. Oh, groan. I just checked their BBB rating. A big fat "F".  The most complaints are from delivery issues. Surprise! Surprise! You can read their BBB report here.

I did a search on the CEO - Joan W___.  I had to laugh. Her facebook page shows her favorite movie as "Unbelievable".  How apropos!

Shipped

Huh. That's all it says. I received a message from the A.S.S. company and this is what it said when I "checked on the status of my order".  Shipped.  Bleh.

Maybe they ship via a slow boat to China, then across the Himalayans into Eastern Europe and north through the Netherlands.

Will be looking for that package to appear on my front porch. Sigh.

Oh, and surprise! Surprise! One of the gutters on my patio is leaking. Gah!

Oh yes - I did!

Remember the Salt substitute company that never sent me my order from December? I started out Sunday thinking about having my family members help me call this company everyday. I was going to e-mail them the information and the phone number reminding them to use their cell phones so it would not be long distance. But I changed my mind.

I researched how to go about getting my order and one thing led to another and before I knew it - I filled out a complaint with the FTC. Now, it clearly states when you begin, that the FTC does not accept complaints from individual consumers or something to that effect. Did I care? Not one bit. They can e-mail me and tell me to go fly a kite, but I received the above notification when I was done.

I grabbed a snapshot of it and e-mailed it to A.S.S.

Wow! I had an e-mail and a voicemail before the day was over. On a Sunday!

Joan is going to send me the order a.s.a.p. and if I have any questions to call her.

What think you? Will I get my salt this week? LOL!

Tune in next week for the continuing A.S.S. saga!

Baby time

It was a very small slice of time, but I was honored with holding above little girl for about fifteen minutes. She slept on my chest. She is one of the prettiest babies I have seen in a long time. But then most of my nieces and nephews have been producing boys. Not saying that boys are uglier - it is just that this one baked for so long she came out so developed. So...done. No left over wrinkles - all smooth and peaches and cream color, no yellow. Just one good looking baby.

Sister 1956 is still on cloud nine and rightfully so. Recent circumstances have moved her almost next door to the wee one and she just could not be happier.

On another branch of the tree, my nephew and his family went to an indoor water park for four days and his little imp of a three  year old jumped back onto the elevator one time when the doors were closing. Security for the motel found him 20 minutes later walking the hall back towards their room.

I was holding my breath typing that last sentence and just took a big gulp of air. I can't even begin to explain the fear a parent feels (or in my sister's case - a grandparent). My sister and her husband were there also. It was a nightmare for twenty minutes.

Motel floors all look the same mostly and you just have to wonder where he was and how many halls he walked down  - but nobody saw this little guy for 20 minutes? Any parent would stop the boy and call the front desk. 

I like to think that he was giggling and pushing the elevator buttons and just having a blast.

Ugh. My stomach hurts. Have you lost a child? I am not speaking of that horrible nightmare of losing a child for good. I hope I do not have any readers that have lost a child due to abduction. When people ask me what is my worst nightmare - that one is right there at the top of the list.

I am speaking of losing a child for a few minutes (or heaven forbid, hours). In a department store, at an amusement park, at the park. 

I have a story about my daughter walking for 1.5 miles by herself when she was five years old, but it is almost too painful for me to recall and tell it. I will muster up the courage (try to find the humor) and write a post about it.

Oh, oh! I have some news on the A.S.S. issue. I'll post that tomorrow.

A grab handle

I knew about the "grab" handle but did not know what it was called until I looked it up. I went through the drive through at the bank yesterday and shifted to reach for the canister. I bumped my head on my grab handle. I cursed under my breath and rubbed my head.Ouch!

While the bank was processing my request I looked at it. Why in hell is there one on my side of the car?

I have been in cars where I have "grabbed" the grab handle when I was the passenger. Not often, thank God. I usually don't ride with daredevils. I really didn't even need it while I taught two girls how to drive. My daughter and my niece.

I tried to imagine the driver ever needing a grab handle. It would make sense to me that if you were in a situation where you were driving fast or recklessly enough to grab the handle, you should certainly have both hands on the steering wheel. That would be what I would be grabbing.

Then this morning as I looked through images, it occurred to me. Oh, maybe it is for cars that are shipped to Australia or Ireland. Where the steering wheel is on the other side of the car. Maybe it is just easier to manufacture one on each side.

And the hairy arm up there? Not mine.

Just the wind

Sorry guys. I've hit a bit of a dry spell. If you hear anything here it's just the wind.