Fear. We've all experienced fear. To what degree differs. What do I fear most? You hear this question asked often. For me, a Mother - it will always be something related to my child. When they were little I feared abduction, now that she is older - sickness and disease and accidents. As we all know, nothing compares with health. It matters not who you are, how much money you have, where you live or what you do - without your health - everything pales in the background.
I try to imagine the fear a person must feel being in Afghanistan if they don't wish to be there. I shudder to think of the people who are in danger there. And their families. I know this has happened in history all over the world, all through time. It doesn't make me feel any better. Worse, in fact. And I wonder, what determines how much fear a person is going to experience in life? Or, what degree of fear? Is fear just fear?
I'm going to try to recall a time in my life when I had the most fear. I'm thinking driving/riding in a vehicle? A roller coaster? One of those chair lifts that take you out over land and water? The one or two times I rode in one of those, I was young and not so fearful as I am now. Losing my daughter when she was six in a Sears? That lasted all but 10 minutes. Waiting to hear the news of how surgery went for a loved one? Wondering while racing to the hospital if my Mom was alright after a vehicle accident. She died. But I wasn't so fearful as I was hopeful. I usually think positive.
As for me, I've been lucky. Is that what you call it? It's possible that I have something yet to feel really fearful about. I know I have not thought of everything that has happened to make me feel fear. The one and only time (that I am aware of) I had an anxiety attack was when I was blocked in a room and somebody stood in the doorway. I felt threatened. I did not realize it was a panic attack until 3 days later when I researched the symptoms. Nothing happened - all ended well there. I never want to go through that again! I felt WAVES of what I imagine was adrenaline surging through my bloodstream?
Ha, ha! I just did some panic attack researching and one article described exactly how I felt during a time when I dropped acid. How did that phrase ever come about. "dropped" acid.? Where or how did you "drop" it. Ah, well. The online dictionary says it is slang for taking an illicit drug. I was not having a panic attack when I took the acid. It was an "okay" experience. Nothing horrible happened and nothing fantastic either. Just my senses intensified and my sense of time was warped.
But, back to fear. I was not afraid to hear the news from my doctor when I was diagnosed with cancer. Is it because I kind of "knew it" in the back of my mind? I had been having a very serious symptom for a couple of years that I had ignored. Well, you couldn't ignore this symptom, I guess I just put up with it and ignored the fact that I should have it looked into. I remember when the doctor told me, he never exactly said the words; so during the conversation he made the remark "I've never had anybody take the news they had cancer as calmly as you are." My first split second thought was "Is that what you are telling me?" Then, I said "It is, what it is." I guess I did not comprehend or absorb the news right away.
So, for those people left in Afghanistan. I can't imagine. I guess what mystifies me is why them? Why children? I'm not a religious person so "God's will" does not come into it. I don't care what anybody else believes or thinks - I feel they need or practice whatever belief they need to - to get them through the day or life. One of the times I dislike a religion is when it causes harm to others. Such as war in the name of religion. Since time immemorial. I don't suppose things are going to change in that respect. It seems the harder we try to "civilize" the human population, the more savage it becomes. So, I'll relish the times when I hear/experience good stories/deeds that humans have performed. And let that sustain me.