Rage

I wanted something warmer and prettier than my day

Rage. It is a wild emotion, isn't it? You have a bad day. You begin to feel a cold coming on. You are sneezing, you are stuffy, sniffling and your sinus begins to ache. Your elbow pain from the day before comes back in that dull ache. Your co-worker won't shut up.

One thing goes wrong. Then another. And still another. Okay. Don't let it get you down. You have had setbacks before. Then a big setback. This one concerns the plans for March when I will be out of town. Somebody told me the wrong information. I began to scramble. My mind began to race. Action, action! Start making phone calls, get the paperwork out of the car, if possible fax the information, right? My head begins to ache. My co-worker asks if she can help me. I tell her "No, thanks." I want her to just leave me alone. But, she continues to talk about trivial stuff. You want to know how you can help me? Shut up! The rage begins to boil.

I want to blame somebody. Pulling my daughter out of a school. I don't do this every day. In fact, I have never done this before in my life! How do you think I would know what to do? I have lost sleep over this decision! Deep breath. Just move quickly. Phone line is busy, redial. Fax line is busy, redial. Don't give up. Don't stop to think, just keep pushing. Get the paperwork in order. Co-worker is still chatting endlessly about what, now? Her exercises that her physical therapist has her doing? Is that what she is jabbering about now, or was that her diarrhea of the mouth episode this morning?

Oh, no. That's right. This morning it was all about her will and finances and how I should be doing my taxes the way she does hers, because that is what is best for her. She goes into minute detail about how she is claiming a cup of coffee from McDonald's because she bought it on a drive to one of her doctor's visits. She said that she can claim any uncovered medical bills and how I should do the same thing. How in the hell does a cup of coffee qualify as a tax deduction? She has it written down in her little daytimer that she bought just for this purpose. Oh, I could go on.

My daughter needed some new clothes for the funeral and dinner we are going to this week-end. I drive her out to the store. She picks a few things out and we check out. I get into a tiff with the sales lady. She is selling me a magazine I don't want, because it has a coupon in it - blah, blah, blah. I made her show me in detail how this was saving me money. She finally did, but come on. Explain it to me, just don't tell me to take your word for it! Sheesh! I came this close to returning the merchandise and closing my account. I can't do that to my daughter. We hate shopping and we want to just go home.

My nerves are shot. I made a commitment and I am going to stand by it, but give me a break. Why does everything have to catch on a snag with each turn I take? My pain has radiated down from my elbow into my arm and wrist. The heating pad helps the elbow but makes the wrist and forearm ache.

To put the icing on the cake, I have a department meeting tomorrow at my home office. I have a lot of anger towards my manager and some co-workers at this time. I have not been in that office since May. I was wondering if I was going to go one year before they had a meeting with us. My co-worker in my office has been down several times for her particular job description. My department has not met to discuss work and the organization since May. I know that not everybody likes meetings but get real. We need to have some kind of communication. Something to tell me in which direction is the company going? What is expected of me? What is in store for me? Instead of me getting surprised when they tell my clients (schools) what I am going to be doing before they tell me? Breathe. Let it all out.

Could be I may not have to go at all. We are under a winter storm watch from 7 p.m. to 7 p.m. My drive is 60 miles one way. My manager stated that if we have bad weather to postpone the meeting one hour. What ever.

My wrist is really hurting and my rage is finally dissipating.

Edit: After much research I found the problem with my elbow. It is rare and you probably won't find much information out there about it. It has a name, I guess. Some call it scotomukitlit syndrome. (Scooping too much kitty litter). Yep. Besides the computer and writing, that hurts the most. Scooping.