Unimaginable

Some time ago - back in the early 80's - during my idle time where I read, stayed home and studied about art, poetry and whatnot; I caught a show on PBS (one of the 3 channels we were able to receive). It was about the mythological character Medea.

This was the first time that the idea of a mother killing her own child or children caught my attention and brought it to a grinding halt. I may have heard stories before that time, but didn't grasp the meaning of it. That story sunk in.

The 'why' and 'how could she' and many other questions went through my mind back then and as more and more stories appear in the news, they still go through my mind.

Which brings me to the reason for this post. Just a few miles away, a young mother fatally shot her two children before turning the gun on herself.

It appears as if she had been planning it for a while.

It boggles my mind. She was depressed and under stress? Yes, I would think she was.

Stranger still: both Medea and this lady studied a form of witchcraft.

Finding shelter

The shelter house where we held our summer family reunion

Photo was taken this past week. Since I STILL can't find my camera's battery charger (oh, this gets really old, I know!), I will rely on others' photos. An elderly first cousin passed away and sister 1944 went to the funeral. While visiting, she drove past the shelter house where we held our summer reunion. Whew. I wouldn't like to spend the day there during this time of the year.

I hope that we can shelter the poor lost souls of Haiti during this tragic time.

I mentioned the Colin Powell video. You can watch the video, just google "Colin Powell BBC Haiti" and it will most likely be the first URL listed. He speaks of how organization must be restored before they can just start supplying much needed food and water to the victims. Oh, I don't know. It sounds good on paper, I suppose - but in reality I have to think "bullshit!" Save them, restore the government later! Maybe the greedy, bigger stronger victims will get the supplies, and maybe some will trickle down to the weaker people in need. It is better than waiting until there is a working government in the country.

Is he for real, or is he so full of bureaucratic logic that he cannot relate on a tragedy level? I'm sure he would just say (or think) "The average citizen has no idea what steps need to be taken to obtain order and to properly distribute supplies to the needy. Most of it would be wasted if we just threw it out there at random." I suppose he knows better than I, and I'll try to wrap my head around it. Meanwhile, how many more died today because we didn't drop supplies but waited for a government to be established in the country? I guess that is why he held the position he did and I deal with machines and their catastrophes. :)

I watched "The Hurt Locker". I really like movies like this. I don't know why. It reminded me of "The Kingdom." Yes, there is some gore and blood but I have so much empathy for soldiers and what they go through that this really touches me. Not that I can ever imagine what hell they go through (and personally, I hope I never get to know really).

J Renner looked so familiar. As I looked up his list of movies (and television appearances) I am guessing it must have been the episode of "House" where I remember seeing him.

A Mackie was superb. I have seen a few of the movies he has been in, that is why he was familiar. B Geraghty has also been in a few that I have seen. He plays a very good mentally fragile soldier. I thought I recognized D Morse and R Fiennes.

On a lighter note:
For a funny medieval help desk video, go here. Then tell me if you don't think it would have been funnier if he would have knocked the burning candle over and burned up the book at the end of the video? They missed a great ending with this one, I think.

In Memorium

Circa 1999

I think this photo was my Mom's last Christmas. We were surprised that she actually wore a silky blouse that my sister(1954) got for her. My Mom was always cold and this material is not much for warmth.

She would have been 89 today. Her last birthday she turned 80. It was a wonderful day. We put a sign up out in front of her house telling the cars to honk to wish her a happy 80th. Oh, she didn't like that one bit. It never occurred to me that she would be offended. She left it out there, but I kind of felt like maybe she was upset. We just got a kick out of all the horn beeping, though.

I cannot look at a 3 axle truck without shivering. My sister (1956) was driving. She was not a seat belt advocate like the rest of us. She still becomes gripped with guilt. We do not fault her at all. Heck, one time I caught my Mom holding her seat belt in my car instead of clicking it locked. I guess she was having trouble getting it to snap so she just decided to hold it. I caught her and made her fasten it. She was like a little kid sometimes.

A coal truck bounced through a stop sign. My sister (1956) laid rubber trying to stop. We really thought my Mom would be okay because she was talking and joking with the EMT's at the accident. "Ruth, how do you feel?" "With my fingers!" my Mom quipped. Does that sound like she would be dead in 28 hours? Blunt trauma to the head.

A 30 minute ambulance ride to the nearest hospital. A 20 minute wait in the life flight on top of the hospital. (I would guess they were waiting for a paramedic). A 20 minute ride to Pittsburgh in the helicopter.

It was a two hour drive for me. All of us got to talk to her except for sister (1954) who was (as usual) in prison. My Mom was not happy. She did not like doctors or hospitals. She only went to the hospital to have a baby. I was her last baby and I was 40 years old. She went in the hospital for a week once in 1972 for dehydration. That was it. She wanted nothing to do with doctors. They wanted her to quit smoking and she just snapped at them that she would rather die than quit smoking. They just shook their heads. She would go for eye cataracts and stuff, but that didn't really count. She took only aspirin for medication.

They would give her morphine for the pain. Her heart would begin to stop beating. They would give her medicine to bring her out of the morphine, then she was in pain. It was a long cycle. Round and round they went until her poor old heart gave up in the middle of the night so they put her on life support. I realized later what they were doing. They were keeping her alive for 24 hours. Any time a victim of an accident lives for longer than 24 hours they have to do an autopsy and an investigation.

She burned coal in her fireplace. She rolled her own cigarettes with bugler tobacco. She was born in a log cabin. She had all her teeth pulled sometime in her 30's. She only wore her false teeth on vacation. Her gums hardened enough to even let her eat peanuts.

She bore 8 children. Her husband became an alcoholic and did not work steady after 1950. She refused to go on welfare. She came close to losing her children many times. She moved many times.

She was raised by her maternal grandparents. Her Mother did not marry the father. When my Mom was 8 her mother married and she was told to call her Mother "Mary." That wasn't even her name. My grandmother's new father-in-law didn't think Lydia was a proper name for a woman so she was to be called Mary. WTF?

Her Mother died when she was 10 giving birth to her half brother. He is still living and resides in Florida. Her father did not know her but tried to kiss her in a car one time. She really got her revenge when she told him "Sure you can kiss me, since I am your daughter." What a riot that must have been. She said he just beat his fists on the steering wheel calling her mother's name over and over again.

What a life. And that ain't even the half of it. This is definitely a book worth writing. I must be careful, though. With 8 children, some are still sensitive about it all. They are talking more about it as the years go by. Sister (1944) just recently told me the story about how she and brother (1942) had to beat our father in the head with a high heel shoe so he would stop beating our Mom. I wasn't even born yet. My father used to tell sister (1944) that he would beat their Mom more when my she tried to go to the neighbor's house for help or to call the police.

They never had a telephone until 1966 because he would get drunk and call relatives in West Virginia and run the phone bill up. I got to see the least because by the time I came along the older siblings were able to stop our dad.

My Mom used to go to the bars with my dad. She left the younger children in the care of sister (1944). She said if she didn't go with our dad he would spend all his money. He always was buying drinks for everybody. At least with my Mom there, she could stop him or the bartender would not do it if he saw my Mom and her look. The other patrons wouldn't accept the drinks either, if my Mom was there to give them a look.

I really have to stop, now.

Snow day cookies

Sob. What went wrong?

I follow the recipe on the Nestles chocolate chip bag. Maybe I shouldn't. My chocolate chip cookies come out flat. I need to research this on the web. They get hard quick this way. I will have to seal them up with some soft white bread. That will do the trick. Yum.

I baked the cookies this morning. My manager called at 7:30 to say that the office is closed. Forget the meeting. Problem is, he called at 11 p.m. last night. I was in a beautiful deep sleep. My daughter was too. I had wrapped my elbow and arm snuggly in the heating pad, turned it up on high and had drifted off into one of the most peaceful sleeps. I was so scared it was a relative calling about a loved one. Since my brother's MIL just passed, death is on my mind.

I may be able to go to calling hours this afternoon then instead of this evening. I have the Columbus group coming in for my niece's 21st birthday party. I am picking the carrot cake with cream cheese icing up at 5 p.m. This is the niece that lived with me for a few years and this is the nephew that will be having the heart surgery in a week. Their Mother is still unfettered. May be a different story on Monday. Oh, well.

Tomorrow is a busy day, too. I like snow days, but this will delay my home school plans yet again. I can't call to get direction if all schools and their personnel are not in the office. Sigh. Figures. Time keeps pushing the deadline to the edge. I am in a slow panic. The funeral should slow me down and give me something peaceful to reflect on and to put my universe into perspective.

Bend

The "taken-for-granted" elbow

I am surprised that it hasn't happened to me before this. Yesterday shortly after writing my last post, my elbow began to hurt. It started out aching, like the old folks say their joints are aching when there is rain coming or something like that. I may have taken some Advil, I don't recall.

I went to bed with a heating pad on it. The kind that shuts itself off automatically after an hour. I awoke at 2 a.m. I was in severe pain. I stumbled around, took a couple of Advil and turned the heating pad on and tried to get comfortable. I watched French Connection II with Gene Hackman. You know how I like him as an actor. I have not seen the first one. The movie was strange in the fact that it kept freezing. Must be a digital thing. I would have been on the computer, but I could not move my fingers without severe pain, let alone type anything or move the mouse.

I finally drifted back to sleep at about 5:30 when my alarm is set to go off at 6. Figures. I was so tired all day. You could see the pain and fatigue in my face. A couple of people gave me that double take when looking at me. Advil kept the pain at bay, but I couldn't wait to run home and wrap the heating pad around my arm again.

I typed this morning with my left hand. Or, I should say I tried to type. It was comical. I moved very slowly doing everything. So much I take for granted! Now I can relate to the expression "Like losing my right arm". Wow.

Things are better and I should be resting it instead of typing, but here I am. Restless.

My sister-in-law's Mother passed away today. They knew it was going to happen. Two nurses yesterday said "She will go in the next 24 hours." I guess they have seen death so much, they know. The massive stroke had left her nearly brain dead. She was a very special lady. So gentle, so kind, and so very giving. May she rest in peace.