That Oh, sh!t moment

Remember Wednesday when I was jacked up on all that prednis0ne and I worked all day on entering schools into the new filter? Well, it appears that I put them all ON the new filter thinking I had them entered correctly to be ignored. I wanted to have all their info typed in , so all I had to do was take their IP range out of the "Ignore" box and they would be ready to go. I guess it did not work that way.

I was attempting to prepare for next week when we were going to test them.

I drag myself into work yesterday and promptly get a phone call. The tech said a few things about the filter blocking this and that and I knew he was still on the old one. At one point he said the new filter's name and about it's blocking screen and I said "Wait...you are on the new filter?" He said "Yes."  I said
"Your district is not supposed to be switched over until next week!" Then it hit me. That "Oh sh!t" moment when I realized that something had gone wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong and I would be getting (see photo above) a flood of phone calls.

And this was me, if the tech could see through the telephone. Thankfully he could not, but I can imagine he figured how it looked because of the panic beginning to rise in my voice. At about the time I began to figure out that something was horribly wrong, a tech stuck his head around the corner and said "Did you block our e-mail?"  Oh, sh!t.

The Treasurer came into my office and asked me if I had blocked something because our grant writers had a dead line to get this grant in and they could not access the site. Oh, mega sh!t.

I spend the next hour in a total panic (actually I was pretty calm) and as quickly as I could began to repair my damage. I was prepared mentally for something like this to happen (as a big move or change like this always has the potential for unwanted chaos and alarm). Mentally I was prepared. I answered calls, I apologized and my fingers did their magic.

It took me about another hour to answer and explain everything in e-mails, all the while my manager calling me every twenty minutes or say saying "Instead of switching EVERYBODY over at once next week, why don't we do them in groups?"

I smiled. My error was a blessing in disguise. Every cloud has a silver lining. The schools can relax, now. We won't throw them all at the same time into the deep end and make them wait until we slowly pull them out one by one. We will be smarter about it, more organized.

It was a little far fetched thinking we could move them all at once, but I am like 'Hey...either way - somebody is going to have a painful experience out of it. That is inevitable."  Most of the time, it is me - but I have had many. I am a veteran. I just need to be prepared and carry the right attitude. That I can do.

There are many things happening "behind the curtain" that at 53 (gawd, almost 54) years old, I know that there is not much I have control over. For example, when my organization decided to perform this test, I began immediate plans. I wrote e-mails, I asked for this, I asked for that. Things I would need to make this switch over possible. I needed to be prepared. I needed to be ready.

Alas. The waiting game. I get my answers four days before we perform the switch over. The districts are scratching their heads saying "You guys are not very prepared."  Yeah, well. It may look that way but know this. Some things were just out of my control. To gripe and whine to them when they speak of it just makes myself look like I am making excuses. All I can tell them is I asked for information that I needed to make this change as easy as possible, and I only received the data at the last moment.

And then there is the issue of them being told what is to be expected of this change. I wrote my part up weeks ago. My manager was to send out the message. He did this yesterday. Yesterday. And the language was all new filter language and the techs did not understand what he (we) wanted from them so they did not answer him. 8 out of 40 answered him. When he re-messaged them, one tech gave him a nasty message berating him for his complicated questions that she had no idea even of what he was speaking.

Granted, she does not come to the monthly meetings (where we speak about this) but it is not OUR fault she is too busy. And round and round we go.

That is okay. SNAFU.  I am ready and prepared for the change. I am geared up. Thank goodness for this prednis0ne. (Another silver lining?) Who knows. Just back off and get out of my way. I am working here! With the over-worked management on one side of me, and the stressed and burned out techs on the other side - I am the bridge that will support them and bring them together. Yay. Go me!  LOL!

Dragging today

Am feeling very low and down today. I had a very rough day yesterday. I won't go into detail but it all has to do with my age and the process we deal with when we reach a certain age. This also ties in with why my week-end was a wash after what felt like a migraine coming on. I could not function very well on Monday either  - I went home sick from work and went to bed.

I had to be in a certain training for two days (these guys flew in from California) so we had a small window of time and I could not call in sick or go home sick or excuse myself. I was in our home office which is 60 miles away from my home. I couldn't just "run home for lunch". They insisted on taking me to lunch and I had no co-worker available to go with us and I had to keep up the chatter by myself.

I was drained. I feel like I don't even remember anything after lunch yesterday. There were two trainers (one was training the new guy) and my head was spinning from both of them showing me this product we are evaluating. Of course with this aging process comes insomnia so I had awoken yesterday morning at 3:30 a.m. and never got back to sleep. I was not hitting on all cylinders and my brain was so weak.

I am behind on some planning for the baby shower and I had 14 trick or treaters come to the door last night. (I fixed my porch light.) They don't stop unless the porch light is on. This is after I told our new neighbor lady that we get no trick or treaters in this neighborhood.

I guess that is changing. I wish I had more energy and I wish I had asked them if I could grab a few camera shots. The dogs were being, well - the dogs were being dogs. They barked and wanted to meet and greet every single kid that came to our door.

And, of course we had two "older" kids come around. One is a "little person" and I knew him from a few years ago. He wasn't even dressed up (that I could tell) and his friend looked to be an older teen. I said "Hi Larry (not his real name)". He said hi back. Sigh. I don't care. As long as it does not get out of hand. I don't mind a teen sneaking in here and there (actually I am fairly certain that Larry is in his twenties). He was always very nice to me.

I know this tired "episode" will pass. I hope it goes quickly as I want to be at my best when I host the shower on Sunday.

Up against it again

I will be up against a firing squad at a meeting again tomorrow. The sh!tstorm that happened over the past month has stalled out and is left sitting right in my lap.

My organization has me taking care of other stuff besides the filter these days. I am running around from school to school trying to get them connected to fiber (all this was supposed to be completed two years ago) but the telco took their sweet slow time.

Now the schools are screaming - and they are being charged for the fiber but we don't have them connected. So, as you can see - me getting out there and connecting them is kind of dire.

I am going to work all morning on my mental state. I must be positive. I must not falter one iota and get upset. I will just smile and take notes and tell them I will "Look into that".  That is the best I can do. They don't care that I have other stuff on my plate. They only see their predicament. Well, some of them. Two or three that are like fire truck sirens. Me, me, me! I'm coming through - I have an emergency!

We all have emergencies. We all have fires that need put out.

Get over yourself.

If I even go to the meeting. I plan on it - because I don't want them saying I was afraid to face them and ducked out. I will go with my head held high. I never shrink away.

The only thing that will keep me from the meeting is if I get direct orders to skip it and go to a school, which just may be the case with all this fiber going in.

I want (need) to show at this meeting. I need to show them they do not win. Not on my watch. I will be there supporting myself and my work. It is imperative that I show them I can take it.

On the line

My daughter's current beau works in the kitchen of an upscale restaurant. His brother also works there. His brother is younger - nineteen while my daughter's beau is 21.

The brother was in the hospital four days last week for his back problem. Neither one have medical insurance of any kind. Their father (still do not know which one is their biological - they have had several step dads) is out of the  picture. Neither son gets along with current step dad and their Mom kicked them out as she prefers her current husband over any child she bore. Three siblings share an apartment in town.

The brother is small in stature. His diagnosis was spinal cord trauma. His brother said it is from lifting large vats of chicken, grease etc... One is supposed to ask for help when lifting them but some people are stubborn and get an attitude of  "I don't need no stinkin' help!"  Or mostly, there is no available body to help. Sadly.

So, he left the hospital with a prescription of Vicodin. How American. He is back to work. There was talk of him filing for workers compensation, not certain if he is or did. Maybe his employers talked him out of it. He is supposed to be doing light duty, but we all know how that goes, right? When you are young and you have no parental backup, you have to take what you can get.



My daughter's beau is working 12 hour days. This upscale restaurant cannot keep help. Listening to the way he tells it, the managers and supervisors are all screaming at each other and people just leave. The turnover is tremendous.

My daughter's beau is applying for two other jobs this coming week. We are hoping he gets it. Twelve hours Friday, Saturday and Sundays really stink.

I always crowed about how "good" the food was at the restaurant. But at what price? At least I don't hear any horror stories from my daughter's beau about slimy food or bad food. That all seems to be on the up and up or he just does not speak about it.

If it wasn't for their darn bleu cheeseburgers (picture above is stolen from the Internets again - not in any way affiliated with the restaurant) - which are to DIE for, I would ban that place. Aw, have mercy.

Just a side note (if anybody cares) my daughter's father was never in the picture, either. I preferred it that way. (I only owe her an explanation). I never have accepted one dime from public assist or any man. I made certain I had a good job with good insurance and was able to care for a child all on my own before I decided to have one. Call it a trust issue, call it what you may.

Regardless, I give my daughter full support when she is having work issues. She is still covered  under my insurance (thank heavens for that law) and is very close to going full time at her job with her own benefits. I would advise her against working in an establishment that was so careless for their personnel that they would suffer in such a manner. She has my total support.

I feel for those young adults (and any person for that matter) who do not have health insurance. The stress of deciding whether or not to go to the doctor or the hospital is a huge risk.

I hear him getting ready, now. It is 8 o'clock on a Sunday morning. Another twelve to fourteen hour day coming up. And, he goes. He grumbles, but he goes. I have never seen him drink caffeine of any kind. I would imagine it won't be long until he leans on that crutch as most of us do. I ask him if they feed him. It is a restaurant, of course they do. I advised him to stay hydrated. He said "yeah." Sigh.

Blah, blah, blah

When did January turn into February? When I wasn't looking? I did enjoy the R&R Hall of Fame. I especially liked reading where the artist wrote the song(s). Usually on a yellow notepad. Bob Seger has the most mechanical handwriting. Like an engineer. And some of the words were much different when first written on paper. "And here's to you, Mrs. Roosevelt."   Not Mrs. Robinson. Heh, heh.

The headaches came back. They started and once they started did not stop. The doctor told me to start taking my Nerontin three times a day and then in a month back to twice daily. The increase in medication barely worked. I have episodes almost daily. It felt as if somebody had stuck a steak knife into the corner of my right eye yesterday. I had to leave work. I broke down and took my migraine medication. A few hours later I was pain free. Now, I am concerned about the rebound. Almost 48 hours after I take the medication the misery starts again. Stupid hormones. Stupid weather.

I have a big family get together Saturday. Sunday I have to go out of town for work until Wednesday. I hate that. I hate not sleeping in my own bed. I think this is the last one I will go to. I will let somebody else go. I am supposed to go every other year but I am dreading it so much. I've made myself miserable.

I watched "Hitchcock" a while back. As always I get S Johansson mixed up with J Biel. I think they look alike. I "googled" pictures of Hitchcock's wife after I watched the movie. She was a very homely woman. They tried hard to make Mirren homely. Sorry. Didn't work. She is a fine looking woman. I liked the movie. I am not certain I would have liked Alfred and Alma in real life. They guy playing A Perkins - nailed it!

And did he really buy up all the copies of the book so nobody would know the ending? Is that part true? Can that be done?  I don't think they could use that tactic today.

A post is a post is a post

What to post about? I am not in a dry spell. I have plenty to talk about (or write about, I suppose). I just have not had the inclination to sit down and write it. I do not plan my posts ahead. Maybe once in a blue moon will I schedule a post, but for the most part -  you get what I am feeling at that time. If I think about something during the day that I may want to post about, you only get it if I remember it later.

I could write about what I think about the mayor of New York deciding to hold the marathon even though there are so many still suffering (he finally canceled it). My thoughts - what an idiot. And I am certainly not alone.

I could write about a movie I watched last week-end. N Cage (who is really going downhill if he was even on a hill in my book). I am not speaking of looks. I never liked his looks.What is with the eyeliner he wears? It looks freaky. I am speaking of his acting choices. I found it a little far fetched that in the movie Stolen he would go to prison for 8 years and come out knowing how to use the latest cell phone available like a pro. And purchasing (what looked to me like a Blackberry) for thirty dollars. Eh, I may be wrong - he was supposed to be a brilliant con man before going to prison - and maybe they taught prisoners Technology 101 in the prison he went to. To the movie makers out there - don't insult our intelligence.

I guess what really has me bogged down in the writing department is my job. It was a bear this week. My duties got pounded. Nothing was working right and I had a "hell" of a time getting any help from our support for the product. I am fairly certain I am going to dump them after our year is up in June. I hate to admit I was wrong, but I did want to give them a year to straighten themselves out. They are not.

Then, there is that word "hell".  I work in Education. Okay, I get that. My e-mail messages go to men and women who work with computers. My e-mails do not go to teachers, superintendents, treasurers or students. Or, parents. 

We have (and maybe you are familiar with) distribution lists in e-mail. That is a group of e-mail recipients who belong to one group. Such as technology. There is another distribution list for superintendents. One for treasurers, etc.. You get the picture.

When I send an e-mail out to the technology distribution list, all 45 (give or take) of my technology coordinators in my school districts get a copy of my message.

I also have a distribution list (with five people in it) that sends messages to only my staff that I work with in my organization. We meet once a month, we laugh, we go to lunch together. We make fun of the other departments - you know. Just like a little click back in middle school. We are a fun group. We are all over 21. Hell (there's that word again) we are all over thirty. Maybe 40. I don't keep count anymore.

This week I was having a particularly tough time with what I am responsible for and I was especially fired up on Friday because that was the day I decided to give the company that manufactures my product both barrels of my fury.  Sigh.  Again.

So my e-mails were kind of flying thick and fast. They consisted of instructions such as: If this happens, please do this. If that happens, please do that. Please let me know the time and what browser you were using and what site you were trying to get to when this happens. Etc...etc... This type of messaging went to the 45 techs in my schools.

I would also throw a few messages to my co-workers (the smaller distribution list) and let them know what was REALLY going on. You know, things I could not tell the schools. Such as the company I was angry with is on the west coast and I cannot get any support until 11:00 a.m. because they don't start business until 8:00 their time. They tell me this is not true, but they lie.

In one message I printed this phrase "when they decide to wake the hell up on the West coast".

A few messages later, I get an e-mail from my manager telling me to keep the word "hell" out of my e-mails and to portray a more professional disposition when communicating with the school district technology personnel. 

First of all, I did not remember using the word "hell" so I scoured my messages to my techs in the schools and came up with nothing. No curse word "hell" in any of them.

However, a message to my co-workers (the five in my department to which he was actually referring) had the phrase mentioned above  - "when they decide to wake the hell up...."

So here is what my manager tells me (when he still was under the impression that I had sent that line to the schools):

I know you're frustrated and I appreciate all the time you put into this... Let's try to keep the word "hell" the hell out of the e-mails.. :) 

Just want to make sure we are keeping the comms professional from us to the techs...

We'll save the colorful language for when we get these bozo's on the phone.

Ahem. Yes, he did put in a smiley face.

Here is an example of a message I send to the techs in the school districts, all of which I think are very professional:

We are still isolating the problem with the slippage.
If you experience any please let me know the browser and web site you were trying to get to.

Thank-you for your co-operation in this matter as 
intermittent problems are hard to troubleshoot.

And this one:

Please be patient while I work this out with (the product).
I do not need any more information. I understand why it is sporadic and why it is only https:// sites.

I will update as soon as I can.
 

I always strive to remain professional when dealing with them. Well, my manager mixed up the two (I was sending a lot of e-mails so I see how he could do this) but when I pointed out that I did not curse with the word "hell" in any message going to the schools, only to my co-workers in our department -  he said the following:

I thought you  were trying to send that update to the tech coords... No worries...

Just wanted to give you a heads up, because I've done it myself in the heat of battle...

Now, I know I am thin skinned. But I was peeved. I lost all passion about fighting my issue with the problem. Well, almost all. The wind was knocked right out of me.

I will tell you why. You may think I am a baby, you may think I am making a big deal out of nothing, but this type of thing has irked me all my life in the workforce.

He does the same thing. Before he was a manager he ranted and raved and he even refused to go to one district because he did not get along with the tech there. He seriously told the rest of us that he would not walk into that building - somebody else would have to take care of that district from now on. Granted, this was a few years back.

My, oh my! How they change when they get that management title. How hypocritical they are. How dare he even think that I am in any way un-professional?

When the word "hell" is typed in a message (which by the way - he was mistaken) and actually did not go to the schools? He did not apologize. He did not read back my messages that I have sent and replied - "Wow, I see that you are professional when you speak to the techs... thanks and keep up the good work!"  Nope. It was just wanting to give me a heads up. As if I am so..... what is that word? ...."hysterical"  that I have to be reminded to mind my manners! Be a lady. Oh, I see.

Here's a heads up for you, Mr. Manager. How about our organization's director who cannot spell and cannot use proper grammar when she sends e-mails out to the school superintendents? I see them, I cringe. The techs I speak to laugh at her. Yeah, they do. They have for years. Not only what she types - what she says. It is SO obvious they have NO respect for our organization. 

She never gets the their/there,  are/our,   right/write    straight in her messages. She is always using the wrong one. How is that for professionalism? Mr. Manager? Kiss my ass, Mr. Manager. Here is a classic. Once I heard her reading documentation out loud with another co-worker. They came across the word "augment". Such as - network augmentation. They both hesitated. The co-worker shrugged. The director of my organization said "Well, if "I" don't know what it means, I'm sure the superintendents won't know."  Yeah. This is one example. Maybe she should be the next Mayor of  NYC?

Yeah. I'm sensitive. But that makes me the first one to rescue a puppy or kitten or child in distress. After 52 years of life, I wouldn't change a thing. I like who I am. I like what I am. I just don't like managers who are younger than me and were not even born when I was dealing with "managers" telling me how to act in the workplace.  Save it - asshole.

Huh. I guess I did have something to write about after all. 

And, yes. I feel better.

Seeing red

In extreme rare cases (maybe twice) in my life did I get so angry I have no memory of what I did. Twice. In my early twenties. I became angry yesterday to where I became faint. I read an e-mail that pertained to me and wouldn't you know I could not get anybody on the telephone. I had to leave a few voicemails and stew about it.

Long story - I was attempting to help a school district fix a problem. Instead of waiting for the technology person to get around to working with me I called the teacher directly (a name given to me by the technology person) to see if we could "cut to the chase".  She mistook my call for me asking her to fix the problem for the entire school. At least that is what she said in an e-mail to the superintendent. 

I was not ill mannered in my call. I was more than sweet. I apologized for bothering her and asked her if she had a free  period where we could work on the issue together. She went into a rage. I backed out of the call and told her I was sorry to have bothered her and thanked her for her time. She retaliates by writing a scathing email to the superintendent saying that I told her she had to help me fix this problem. I did not say any such thing.

Ah...well. The superintendent must have confronted the technology person who, in turn - e-mailed me and carbon copied my boss stating the teacher's side of the story only.

Angry? You betcha. Somebody put words in my mouth and twisted what I did say. 

I waited for half an hour for anybody to return my call. Nothing. I finally got up to go to the bathroom and almost passed out. This was over 45 minutes after I read the e-mail. I was still that upset.

I stewed all evening. I dreamt about it. I am going straight to the school today to work on the problem. I had other plans and cancelled them. I am still angry. I am going in composed. I am no shrinking violet. I won't see the teacher I attempted to work with. She is at a tiny elementary school. I will see the technology person, though and if possible, the superintendent. Funny thing is, I worked with this superintendent for over 10 years. He was the building superintendent at the place where my remote office is. He is a good guy.

Sigh. I came home with a headache and needed the Advil. I think they are creeping back in. The headaches. Drat.

I am hoping my eyes are seeing pink, now. Or, at least coral. Blogger keeps flashing a message at me that it is having an issue saving my work. I'll make sure I copy and paste this text into notepad before I publish it. I don't want to lose everything and try to go back from memory.

Oooh, the icing

The icing that gave me heartburn. I don't care for the cake. In fact, I leave most of the cake and just eat the icing. Just like a little kid. Keeping in the fashion of the rainbow theme, my local bakery came up with the air brushed rainbow colors. I loved it. I did not notice the rainbow bunting around the sides until later when the box was opened up. Even when I snapped this photo, I had not noticed it, yet.

I had put things off too long while preparing for the event and with other members of the family arriving fifteen minutes before the event (they were bringing half the food and the decorations) our shower started 30 minutes late. 

My family is known for over-doing it. Well, most of us are known for that. Our general mind set is "the more the better". I am the youngest (closing in quickly on 52) and I don't suppose we are going to change any time soon. 

There was a lot of food. We had 15 women at the shower. There were four out of the five sisters in my family in attendance. I was a bit frazzled at first but calmed down enough to enjoy the event. We also tend to run notoriously late for events. We have exceptional organization skills, but we tend to over extend ourselves and that leaves room for a meltdown during the last phases of arranging an event because we simply run out of time because we try to do too much. This one was no exception. Two sisters travelled with extended family members and that led to late arrivals and needing to leave earlier than they wanted to. They usually do tend to stay and help clean up but sometimes the party you are with needs to be back home or somewhere else so they have to book it out of there.

Myself, I needed folks to leave so that I could relax for about ten minutes and then clean up. Relax again and clean up. There is a certain amount of chaos when people are helping you clean up. The shower was held at a building I am very familiar with and I knew what needed to be done and where things needed to go. Do not get me wrong. They did a tremendous amount of work helping me to clean up. The hardest part (for me) is lifting and taking everything out to the cars. I was fortunate in the fact that we could park just feet away from a door to the room where the event was held.

I do try to remember the pain (lower back and feet and head) so that I can better prepare for the next event and if I try really hard I am certain I will remember some that I have hosted that came off without a hitch and ran smoothly with a lot less stress. One more caveat that my family tends to have problems with. Asking for help. Is caveat the correct word, here? Eh, possibly.

To sum it all up, I realize and acknowledge the fact that I have all the above issues, but it is in my nature and after watching my sisters all of my life have come to find out - it is a family tradition. I doubt that I can change my ways even if I wanted to. So, Advil it is today as I set out to my niece's house to help her set up her computer. Besides...I get to spend more time with my older sister, her husband, my grand nephew and this beautiful niece that I do not get to see nearly often enough. It's all good.

Sick

Almost everybody has it. Last week all I heard was hack, hack, hack. It just sounds awful. These can go on for days and what are they supposed to do? Report off sick for four days, six days? Not many folks can afford that kind of luxury.

Me? Not a dry hacking cough. I got the sore throat, headache and achy body. I would take Advil for the achy body but I can't swallow. Well, I can get two pills down but they don't touch the headache.

My gums in the problem area are a mess. I brushed with peroxide and now have a huge, swollen bump over the problem tooth. I want to take a sharp toothpick and just poke it because it itches so badly. But, I won't.

Work is so very stressful right now. The filter is a total wreck right now. Facebook and youtube. I cannot seem to win with these two sites. They are driving me insane. I have the company calling me again today. I feel as if I am that little dutch boy trying to hold back the angry waters with his finger. Except he was successful.

Frustration

What can really drive me mad is the following issue. I will drive 45 miles one way. My organization pays me close to the national average for mileage. I get to the school and set up. I have to call a third party to work with me because they installed the IP telephones at the school and I have to make my configuration work along side of his.

This guy has a three hour window. That is all he can give me because he is busy, too.

There are delays getting the first school done (as always). He and I finally have success with the first school and I tell him I will call him within the hour. That will give me time to drive to the second school, set up my equipment, install the fiber switch and configure the switch.

I get to the other school. In my haste, I promptly forget the switch in the trunk of my car and have to walk back outside to get it. I get to the wiring closet. Locked.

I sit all my heavy equipment down and go to the office. Up 3 flights of stairs. The secretary is not at all pleased to see me.

The first words out of her mouth "You aren't going to take us down, are you!? I don't have my IEP's done!" As far as I know they were supposed to be finished last week, but that is not my concern.

I told her I have to take them down, I only have a certain amount of time. (They were notified the day before that I was coming). She looks completely disgusted with me. I tell her the wiring closet is locked and I need in there.

She snaps back "The janitor is the only one who has the key and he is at lunch!"

Sigh.

There is another lady in the office. She is the speech therapist and she uses that room from time to time for her therapy. She said "I have a key to that room." 

I follow her downstairs (ignoring the icy glare from the secretary) and the nice speech therapist lets me into the room.

I set up my equipment. By this time the clock is running out. It is stifling hot in there. I pull the laptop out (It takes no less than 18 minutes to boot). I get the fiber switch out of the box (there is no room in this tiny little closet and there is no light where I need it.)

I look for the screws to mount the brackets and cannot find them. Exasperated, I dump everything out of my satchel onto a table. Tangled cables, screw drivers, ink pens, screws, papers, two quarters and a nickel come flying out and scatter all over the tiny room.

The speech therapist beats a  hasty retreat out. I don't blame her.

Sweat is pouring off of my head and into my face. My glasses become steamed and foggy. The sweat literally drips onto the equipment. Is it menopause? Is it frustration? Is it too hot? All three, I don't know!

I do not have the physical force to get the switch into the wiring rack. Years of the rack sitting in this tiny closet causes the sides to bow somewhat. There is dirt everywhere. And no light.

The tech lady finally comes into the room. I complain about the light and the rack. She asks if I want her to turn on the lice lamp. For some bizarre reason schools seem to always store their lice lamps in the closet where I work.

http://bestpricesalon.com/9008.html

I can only imagine how hot this magnified lamp will make me and I tell her no thanks.

She did come in handy to force the rack wider apart. She used her leg and foot to push one side. She said it was a yoga move! It worked like a charm! YAY!

I got the switch into the rack. I sat down at my laptop which had finally boot up and wiping the sweat off my forehead, and as fast as I could began to configure the switch.

I called the third party company. I have to use my own cell phone because the one that work has issued to us is flimsy, cheap and totally useless out in the field as far as getting a signal is concerned.

I made it in time. We worked together and got that school switched over to fiber and afterwards, more relaxed now I began picking all the pieces and parts that had flown out of my satchel.

I was so worried that I would have to drive back out to the school another day causing the taxpayers so much more money because of a secretary with a burr up her ass.  That is about fifty dollars for each drive out there. Plus my lunch and the fact that I would be absent from the office or another school that might need me on that day. It just gets old after a while.

What really burns me is that this fiber was supposed to be installed in the summer and we could work in the schools (albeit it would be hot) on our time without the schools being in session. But, no. The company that installs the fiber (for who knows what reason - I will never know) could not get their act together or they just put us on the back burner and drug their feet.

One school is still waiting on the company that installs the fiber to get a permit that will allow them to pull the fiber across the Interstate. I know this entails getting a crew out there to stop traffic and direct it around them while they work. Both side of the Interstate. Good grief! The order was placed in March. You think they could have arranged this stuff by now.

Sometimes my biggest obstacle is getting co-operation from the school staff. Most of the time I am very pleasant, bright and cheery. I charm the pants off of them. Sometimes I have a black cloud over my head and sparks are shooting out of my eyes.

My back hurts.

Back in Black

This is a photo from my daughterś clothesline when I visited her house one day last week. All black. That is what she wore in high school and she has not changed much. I do see some color, though.

I do like AC/DC (the band). \Back in Black\.

I do not get to enter quotation marks, the tilde, the comma, the percent sign or the top carrot (or however it is spelled). 

I am not able to add updates or new features or any new software because I cannot recall my admin password for this  ubuntu machine that I am using.

 I wonder what the odds are of me finding the notebook I used when I set it up. That will have the password recorded. 

I am missing my computer. I know I have an extra video card around here somewhere and I can always pop out the card in this ubuntu machine and try it, but I had a very special ATI Radeon gaming video card. Bleh! It had itś own fan. Stupid Nook!

My party on Sunday the 4th was great. We got a little rain. I caught the food on fire on the grill about 5 times. I am not an expert at the grill. The corn was fantastic! Yummy yum, yum, yum! I want to eat all my corn on the cob off the grill, now. 

I had 18 people here. I made 19. I did not have a headache this time until I had to get gas in the gas can for my daughter. She had parked her car at my house to drop off the corn, but was worried she would not make it to a gas station. When I picked her up from work, I got gas in the can and put it in her car so she could make it to a gas station with no worries. The gas smell is still in my car and I had the can in the trunk. Ugh!

Sable and Slade loved the party. I do not think they moved very much the next day. I got a present from my nephew. An Apple TV.  I am fairly certain he wants to convert me to apple products. Now I am debating on whether I buy into the Netflix program again or not. They made me angry by making a lot of movies :unavailable: for such long periods of time I got tired of waiting and rented them.

My nephew says something about cable companies going by the wayside(as far as television goes - they will still provide Internet access, etc...). I can follow him on a lot of stuff, but I was very tired that night (after my party) and could only follow some of what he said. I may absorb it over the next year or so as I get to using this device more.

I have had dr. appointments, court hearings and dinners the past few days and am unable to get the time to fight with this ubuntu machine to get any posts made. I can just barely get my e-mails read and answered and facebook taken care of before I silently scream and leave the room. The court hearings and dr. appointments are nothing major. Just little bumps in the road.

I said before that September looks to be one crazy month and so far I only have a couple of free Sundays left for me. I like my :down: time. Just me and myself by myself. Sitting around reading or watching TV. Not moving my car - not having to go anywhere. Sigh.

And it does not help any that work is crazy crazy right now. I am trying so hard not to panic. I find myself clenching my jaw (which may be what started that horrible tooth/jaw pain a month or so ago). I am having some sensitivity with that tooth. The dentist x-rayed it but he did not see a crack. I do not know what is up with it, but when I push up on the tooth with my finger it hurts. I know +Then stop pushing up on the tooth, Peruby!+

Man, it sucks not having quotation marks. I wonder....

Here goes... ¨  heh, heh!  ¨  quotation mark - see?  ¨  ~  Tilde (tilda)  - see? heh, heh.  ``^^&&$%^&&==()+_´´´;;>><<..??

Okay. I have to type a few of the special characters twice before they will show up. I wonder what they will look like after I post? Am I putting some sort of html code in front of the character so that it comes out weird looking?

Cripes! I don´t know. There is the apostrophe! It was looking like this:  sisterś, now I can do this... sister´s house.

I am seriously delirious right now!

Still growing

I have approximately five moonflower plants growing. According to past posts they are full bloom by the first week in August. The shortage of rainfall this year may delay that, I don't know.

I transplanted one from the front of the house back to the west side of my house. That is where the original twelve or so plants were when I moved in. Fingers crossed that they build back up again.

I am not entirely positive how I am keeping them going. Just pure dumb luck. This one is in the front of the house and is from seed.

It is pouring the rain outside and lightning. My dogs will not budge off the back porch. You are not supposed to shower during a thunderstorm. It has been like this for 35 minutes. I am supposed to be getting ready for work. Headaches have been horrendous this past week because of the weather.

Things that I know for certain trigger my headache (whether migraine or cluster or tension):

strong smells especially clorox or most any cleaning product (hence why I do not clean often)

and perfume/cologne

bright lights

stress

loud sudden noises (fear of balloons)

stifling heat and/or hot sun

change in air pressure due to storm activity

lack of sleep or too much sleep

sometimes onions

hormonal changes

physical exertion - sometimes walking the dogs can be a pain, especially in the heat

laughing or coughing hard

too much caffeine or  caffeine withdrawal

Anesthesia side effects

multi-vitamins

skipping meals

dehydration

too much alcohol (naturally)

There are probably more, just can't think of them right now. I think the storm may be slowing down. Nope here it comes again. Sigh.

TGIF

Excuse me while I do the happy dance. Not only am I glad it is Friday (it isn't payday), but I am done with my stress presentations! One was a super hit and one was a fiasco. Sigh. I got raves one day and had technical difficulties the next day. Aw man! 

Anyway, I am over the ordeal and ready to move on. So I'll do a little jig and finish the week off (hopefully with a stress-free Friday) and relax this week-end. It has been quite a ride.

Daughter's hand crafted tree for a centerpiece. This is about all the decorating I have accomplished. I am in the "one step forward, two steps back" phase. I am trying to muster up some ambition to get started on something this morning. Baking... decorating... anything. Actually, I  kind of want to crawl back into bed. At least I don't work today or tomorrow.

Great and Grand

I looked it up. Grand Nephew is just the same as a great nephew. So, I was right all along.

My party is Saturday. My annual July celebration. I have it on whatever day my town is setting off their fireworks. They have a festival in the park (just over the hill from me) for about 3 or 4 days during this long week-end. It is a great time. Sometimes I don't get the chance to get over there, but when I do - I am never disappointed.

So far on the menu, sweet Italian sausage, hot dogs, hamburgs, calico beans, macaroni salad, potato salad, vegetable tray w/dip, cheese ball and cheese tray (I just remembered I need crackers), strawberry frozen, peanut butter fudge, pineapple pudding cake, lemonade, iced tea, pop and beer. Sister 1956 won't be able to make it this year. Drat! She and I just went to a party Saturday so that is okay. She could only go to one or the other (because of her job).

Sister 1954 is excited because there will be some family members she has not seen yet since her release from prison.

I didn't have my party last year because I had my daughter's high school graduation party (remember the sumo wrestling?). That was only one year ago? Good grief!

My daughter's new beau will get the full exposure to family and I think she might be nervous about it. I don't know. She got mad at me last night. I guess I embarrassed her in front of him by telling her to "chill out." She called me on it and accused me of getting an attitude each time company was over. She was stomping around the house trying to force one of the puppies to poop outside. He was so scared he ran and jumped into my lap shaking. (The pup, not the boyfriend).

I think stress is getting the best of her. New job, new beau and all. Me? I bit my tongue with her. I know how hard it is to be the new love interest in some one's home and I refused to make her new beau feel uncomfortable by arguing with her. I let it pass.

I bought my first bag less sweeper. I got the Bissell Healthy Home model. I really like the bag less feature. It was so easy to snap it in and out and to empty it. Once I figured out that I kept putting it back into "brush" mode and that was the reason I was not picking anything up, I was okay. It is much lighter than my previous models.

I am going to focus on outside mowing and landscaping today. I hope. I need energy. My head hurt as soon as I got up this morning. I went to bed too late (vacation days from work) and I suppose that might be the reason. The dogs don't care that I went to bed late, they want to go out at 6 or 6:30. Sooner if they can. I also got myself a brand new hedge trimmer. I have never used one before. I guess you have to supply your own electrical cord? Good thing I have one. My friends spoke of how they cut the cord while they trim. Sounds like it happens a lot. I suppose I will do it, too. I chose the lightest model they had. My arms will be sore enough.

I hate, hate, hate waking up with a headache.

Dragging my feet

This display kind of creeps me out. It is from the Fireman's Pub where I met some family for dinner on Saturday.

I am dragging my feet this morning. I am going to work today. While walking the dogs I felt some twinging in the shoulders and neck area. I drove last night. Most everything I do uses that right rhomboid muscle. Holding the leash for the dogs, scooping kitty litter, driving, dressing, picking this up, picking that up, loading and unloading the dish washer. It is endless.

So, that is why I am going to work. To get away from work. A lot of you will relate to that remark.

I am also reluctant to return to work because my daughter has a friend staying for a couple of weeks and we have just been goofing off the past two days having "girl fun". It's been great. But all good things must come to an end.

I am also wondering if my painful situation soured my view of Avatar. For those of you who really love it you may (or may not) like this. New release of Avatar coming this summer. My nephew told me this after I talked with him about the movie. He loved the movie. Of course he is one of those that went at midnight when it first came out and saw it in 3-D or something like that.

I will say this much. I loved the blues of the movie and the glowing, beautiful plants. I wish I had seen that on the big screen.

I am not making much progress on my book reading. Darn it all! I have barely cracked "The Blind Side". I moved an extra computer back into my bedroom and am using that for myself. My daughter and her friend have taken up residence at my other computer desk area. Two laptops and my mammoth PC sit there. They are all wireless so the dogs cannot chew the cat5 cable that my other computers need to connect to the router. This one does, but I have the cable strung up so that they cannot reach it.

Oh, another reason for my strained muscle. My purse. Yep, it's too heavy. It hangs on my left shoulder causing significant strain on the right side. What to do, what to do. I am the type of person who carries a saddle bag. I need to have everything in my purse.

Sigh. Enough stalling. It is time to get ready and roll.

In pain

The Hibiscus syriacus has caused me immense pain the last 24 hours.

I awoke yesterday starting out just fine. Walked the dogs, drank some coffee, read some blogs, hopped in the shower. Well, I don't hop anymore - it's more like slide or glide in. I was almost done when I reached up to rinse off my razor in the shower and "slam" I was hit with a twinge in my right shoulder blade.

I immediately stopped what I was doing and waited for the twinge to subside. It did not. It got much, much worse. I manged to get out of the shower and drape a towel over my hair and get my robe on.

I was still hoping that this "twinge" would go away. With each step it became more evident that I had a problem. A debilitating problem. I began to curse under my breath.

I tried to continue, but had to wake my daughter up to comb my hair. By the time she was done I could barely walk. She helped me to the t.v. chair (laying flat was not an option) and began stacking pillows up around me. I had already taken the ibuprofen.

I could not get comfortable. Every breath caused a stabbing sensation in my right lung. She surmised that I had a collapsed lung. I pooh-poohed that suggestion and just hoped it was not a fast case of pleurisy. I have manged to keep that ailment away for some years now.

Warning: Movie spoiler alert! Skip next two paragraphs.

I called the doctor at 7:30, they could get me in at 11 a.m. To pass the time I asked my daughter to put in the movie "Avatar". Since the drug store was out of rented copies, I just bought one. I have heard so many good things about it. I fell asleep during the movie. If you have not seen it, I will tell you this. If you have seen "Fern Gully", "Spirit", "Surrogates" and any movie out there that has depicted how the white man literally bulldozed the native Americans - roll them into one movie and you have "Avatar."

Fern Gully carries the message of how the white man wants to destroy the habitat and does not care about the people or critters who live there. Spirit is a narrated story of a free spirit (parts of Avatar are narrated the same way). Surrogates gives us the scenario where a human goes to sleep and his brain is transported into another creature and he/she walks around feeling and experiencing life as that other creature. Please forgive me if I say I didn't care for the movie.

This movie is long. It helped to pass the time until my appointment. One good thing. At least I had my shower over with. I manged to get dressed (after a double dose of ibuprofen) and my daughter drove me to the doctor's office.

She (the doctor) examined me and determined it was my right rhomboid muscle. There is more to the injury than just the shower. I have decided to begin chopping up (or down) my hibiscus syriacus that has appeared to be taking over the back side of my garage and (if I don't get a grip on it soon) will begin to take over the back side of my house.

The previous evening I went through a frenzy of chopping these dastardly bushes down. I had my clippers and I was seriously angry (or frustrated). Two things contributed to the anger/frustration. It was raining that day. My boxer would not do his "business". The sissy marshmallow would not leave the back porch unless I pushed him off. If I waited on the porch he just hung his head low and stood in the rain giving me those sad eyes.

So, I grabbed the clippers and in the pouring rain began chopping bushes. This at least made him walk around a little bit. He was still being stubborn.

Warning! Movie spoiler alert. Skip the next three paragraphs.

Now, the second thing that made me angry (more frustrated). The movie "The Lovely Bones". Oh my. My daughter and her friend wanted to see it because they had read the book in school. It is the story of a 13-year-old girl who gets raped and murdered by a man that lives in her neighborhood. Through the movie the girl is caught between worlds. In the between world she narrates certain events. She tells of all the young girls this serial killer has raped and murdered throughout his life. In her "between world" all the little girls come together and meet - they are all sweet and happy to see one another. But it hit home. This one man was responsible for almost a dozen lives lost.

Therein lies the anger and frustration. I could not watch the rape scene so I went outside. (My daughter paused the movie to wait until I returned - uh gee, thanks.) Anyway, they didn't show much - it is rated PG-13.

The killer looked very familiar and I finally guessed what actor he was. The girl was just fantastic. I had seen her in "The Atonement". All this with the help of imdb.com. My favorite movie site.

So, the clipping of the bushes (while angry) probably is the real culprit to my rhomboid muscle strain. That and possibly sitting at my computer desk for long periods of time.

I got some muscle relaxers. Blech! I hate those things. They give me a headache that will not respond to ibuprofen and made me feel very restless. I slept about an hour after taking one, and it did take care of the pain, but overall - I'll just stick with ibuprofen.

So today begins my second day off from work. I cannot drive a car. I cannot turn my head. I was supposed to meet my manger at some of my schools yesterday so the fiber optics company could scope out where and how they were going to set up their fiber connection. Drat. This is why I cursed under my breath. My manager didn't know where the wiring closets were. I'm sure they found their way but darn it all! I really needed to be there.

I can get comfortable in my t.v. chair with a heating pad and about 3 large pillows, 1 travel pillow and my neck pillow. I cannot live without my U-shaped neck pillow.

Now, I have been at the computer too long and it is starting to hurt. Ciao - until next time.

Equal Opportunity

Here are the black olives from Easter dinner.

Sigh. Yesterday got much, much worse. I was out with the dogs in the fresh air and I realized that this headache was not going away with OTC meds. Drat! Another imitrex? Or, generic imitrex, rather.

Yes. If I wanted to get to that birthday party. I tried the very, very hot shower. I moved slow. I lay back down after the shower. My pets hovered around me. "What are you doing?" I dozed on and off. I told my sister I would probably be late. She told me to stay home (in a nice way, LOL!) if I had a migraine. She gets them, too.

My daughter was coming over to watch the dogs for me. She had one hell of a night fighting with her boyfriend. It was all dramatic and tense. It set my headache flying again. She was crying. I listened. Finally, my head hurt too bad and I left for the party. It was breaking my heart to watch her.

I stopped at a store (not walletmart, yeah!) to get myself a new coffee pot. A migraine exacerbates little pet peeves. For starters, I hate shopping. I do like people, as most of you know from my previous posts, I will talk and joke with just about anybody.

This trip was much different. It started in traffic. Everybody was getting on my nerves. While turning into a parking lane, some lady was just sitting in her car (I think she was texting) - not in a parking space, but parked in the lane where everyone had to drive around her (once they made sure nobody was coming from the other direction). She is one of these drivers that makes me want to park my car. Get out and go up and bang on her window and scream 'What the f#&* are you doing?!' But, I didn't.

The lights were excruciating. I grabbed a buggy and it was buggy Nascar in there. You ever have one of those encounters where you are wheeling your buggy down an aisle and there is another shopper coming straight at you? I always try to steer to the right. I did. They steered to their left. I switched and so did they, again - and again! By this time we were getting pretty close to one another. We missed each other but I heard him make a remark to his wife. I was giving no eye contact and no response. Usually I would have smiled and joked about it. NOT today.

Of course I could not find the coffee pots. The only help I could find was a cashier at the very front of the store. And as typical of a horror story, the moment I ask her a question "Where can I find the coffee pots?" somebody (some idiot new employee with butter fingers, I am certain) decided to drop a metal pipe that must have been forty feet long onto the concrete floor of this massive home construction store. It echoed through the entire four counties all three times that I tried to repeat myself to the cashier." Where can I find the coffee pots?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."

"Where can I find the coffee pots?"

"Sorry." She gave me a bewildered look.

"Where can I find the coffee pots?" The echos were still resounding through the store. I sighed.

She motioned towards the sound. "Can't hear you."

Sigh. Finally, she was able to answer me. Of course! The coffee pots were all the way in the BACK of the store. So, back I go. Then there are the people who block an entire aisle. When I stop to browse or read something, I pull my cart in as close to my area as I can, thus leaving room for another buggy to get by. Not most people. Every aisle I tried to go down, had one or two people on one side of the aisle looking at something and their buggy would be stretched out (at an angled position) blocking the entire, frickin' aisle! I was livid. I was fuming. See? I despise migraines for doing this to me! It is no wonder older people can be so cranky. If they are always in pain, that is. And, I think most of them are.

And, that isn't the worst of it. If you are defeated and actually have to wheel up one of the blocked aisles, they don't notice you. I make as much motion and noise as I can before I get to them so that they have plenty of warning. I cannot believe people are so oblivious to their surroundings that they cannot see another shopper standing less than 2 feet away from them with a buggy, trying to pass. I REALLY have a hard time believing that people are this clueless to their surroundings. What must they be like on the roadways? I fidget and ahem. Then just say "Excuse me! May I pass?" Then they act like they are being inconvenienced. Arrgghh!

They were lucky I had a migraine and was moving slow that day. Or, I would have plowed into their buggy like some crazed snow plow driver that had worked two too many shifts and was pushed way over the edge! I can see it now. Purses and merchandise would go flying up into the air (heaven forbid they have a toddler sitting in the front of the buggy) and the silver buggy (that never had a chance against me and my demon buggy - buggy Nascar, I tell ya) wouldn't know what hit it as it goes skittering across the store's waxed floor. The people would stand there mouth agape, in shock. I would nod as I passed them and say "That's right! Get the hell out of my way next time! Idiots!"

They are fortunate I don't get physically sick much anymore with these monster headaches, or I would have to vomit on their shoes as I pass them. You can bet your sweet arse they would get out of my way, then! Again, I do not like the monster that I become.

Ah, yes. So, the next time you witness one of these crazy lady buggy drivers in a store, try to remember. We do not want to be there. Sometimes we do not have a choice. I only shopped because I absolutely HAD to get a coffee pot or I was going to go insane with caffeine withdrawal. Migraines make us monsters! Beware, and please forgive. In retrospect I should have waited and shopped at a small drug store. Whew!

And if you do ever read in the newspaper about some lady in Ohio that went berserk at a store or while driving, remember that I am not always like this. It is the migraine monkey coming out in me that tortures me.

The blues have it

I browsed the pictures at DQ and decided on this puppy image to put on my daughter's ice cream cake. It was delicious! I used to hate the taste of grainy sugar in my mouth, but the flowers were so soft and melted very quickly. Yum!

Yes, it is 4:30 a.m. I have been up for over and hour. I can't sleep yet, again. I am not drinking any caffeine in the evenings. Well, I did drink an extra cup of coffee at a meeting yesterday after lunch. Maybe?

I am dizzy when walking the dogs. It is stress-induced, I am sure. I have to sign a retirement paper and it is affecting me so deeply. It is like jumping off a cliff into the unknown. All I see down below is pure darkness.

I do not have any 'faith in' or 'respect for' the people (person) who are (is) deciding my work fate.

A simpler place and time

I so want one of these light up toys. I found them at the Tractor Supply store and gave them out to the kids. Now, I want one for myself.

My co-workers backed out of the legal endeavor. Whatever. What will be, will be.

I find myself mentally (and physically) exhausted these days. I'm sure it is stress (as my migraines have increased quite a bit) and my insomnia is kicking in. Two of the jobs I wanted to apply for were already filled. The third is much more complex and I must re-structure my resume to fit it better. There are a few things on the qualifications list that I have covered and a few things that I don't. I'll give it a go. Of course if I wait any longer, I'll let it slip through my fingers as I so easily do.

I can barely get the trash out and the sink cleared out let alone find the mental energy to come up with a fresh and professional looking resume. There is a song out by Matchbox 20 ( a couple of years old, actually) that is called "Push". I changed some of the lyrics to fit my present condition:

I don't know if I'm up for an interview, I'm a little bit rusty,
And I think my head is cavin' in.
And, I don't know if I have a future with this job, it's a little uncertain,
And I feel the walls are closin' in. And, I'm a little bit angry.

So don't stand there, sayin' nice things to me.
I've been cheated, I've been wronged.
You don't know me.

Yeah, yeah. I've been singing it nonstop for two weeks, now. Now my head is really starting to hurt. I can go along just fine for an hour or two and then "wham!" just out of the blue I get a real bad pain. I'm sure it is from getting up too early this morning, and it only lasts for about 30 seconds or so.

But hey! I have not had any foot pain for a long time. I'd do the happy dance, but there is the headache and ... oh, you know.

I've been drinking lots of water because the weather here in Ohio is unbelievable! We marched straight into summer, skipped the spring cool air altogether. I've had the air conditioner on for about four days now. My office at work is hotter than an oven. The building was arranged poorly and they moved the server equipment room so a brand new air conditioner had to be put there to keep it all cool. Well, in the room next door to the server room is the thermostat that controls my temperature in my room. Since that A/C cools the equipment down so well that thermostat barely kicks on. I swelter.

But, I can't say anything because I don't pay any rent! I just roost there from some arrangement that was made in 1995 between a retired superintendent and one who has passed away. Nobody really knows what to do with me.

With the changes coming up at work, I'll probably have to drive to the home office every day. That is 60 miles one way. I will be an "at will" employee. I know, I know. Just be glad I have a job, right? Right. Be glad I have insurance, be glad I have dental coverage. Be glad I get sick days and vacation days. Remember my mantra. Just do the best you can and hold your head high. All well enough until that headache zaps me again.

Oh, and I was SO disappointed in "The Men Who Stare at Goats".