Movies

I watched two movies over the long week-end. American Sniper and Selma. Both took me more than one sitting to watch them.

American Sniper reminded me of The Kingdom, which I really liked. It was good, but I liked it less than The Kingdom. I am trying hard to like B Cooper. Or, his choice of characters, I suppose.

Selma was very intense. Both movies are true-life events. Both sad. Both thought provoking and both grabbing you by the collar and saying "Wake up! There is hard life going on all around your precious little happy bubble!" 

It makes me want to crawl under the covers and hide. But I realize, that is what I am already doing. I feel guilty enjoying my life when there is so much pain and un-fairness in the world.

Rocket Fuel

This one just made me laugh. 

After my hot sauce chapter is over, I have a few changes that I think I am finally ready to talk about. I have about two more sauces to post and then I will place my words on (screen, disk, blog) - whatever media we want to call this thing. They are not "bad" changes. It is just part of life and something we all have to go through.

Repercussion

We've all done it I suppose. Come to a point where you are so fed up you let someone have it with both barrels. I did this at work. Not to a co-worker. An application I work with and the company that manufactures it. Sigh. I was totally fed up.

Now, come the repercussions. They are falling over themselves trying to fix something - anything. I have to work with an engineer today from their organization. He will try to "fix" things for me. Whatever. I was so angry on Friday I was spitting nails.

Today the anger has dissipated. Today I am just numb. I will try to get my dander back up so that my mind is sharp and I can work with him to resolve the issue. It takes so much darn energy!

Somedays I feel like a nut

This week has been hell. I don't want to talk about it. This is why I have not posted. Sorry. I just want to crawl under the covers and sleep. See you on the other side. When the sun shines again.

Survival

I laugh and joke when I have a bad day and tell people "Oh, just shoot me, now!" Then I watch a movie that just sobers you up. I watched "The Way Back".  The story is questionable, but there is no denying the harsh conditions that humans bestowed upon other human beings with the Gulag prions camps.

I also happened to catch "The Help" about how black maids were treated in the South during the sixties. It just boggles my mind in an attempt to understand why some people were born in this era and in that country and others were born elsewhere. 

I've had it pretty darn good all my life. It bothers me and makes me wonder how can people treat others like that? I know it goes on today. I know I need to be so grateful that I was born in America and in this time. But why? Why is there so much suffering?

Does it sharpen our will to survive like an exercise? If we all had it easy would we (as a human race) become lazy and lose our sense of survival? With certain people suffering in this way, do their offspring inherit that will and do we (the reader or the witness to such horror) become inspired to keep that will to live alive? Is there a "reason" for all the suffering? Is it to remind us and keep us aware of the need to survive when things get tough? As life inevitably does.

Maybe there is a reason for all this pain and suffering. Like the common cold exercises our immune system so that our bodies are prepared for much bigger illnesses, the suffering of humans keep us sharp for life's unpredictability and extreme conditions.

I felt it

The earthquake, that is. I was sitting in my office which happens to be on the second floor of our building and it felt to me like a rolling sort of feeling - almost like a Ferris wheel or carnival ride. The worker next door (I've written about her before - The Alarmist) jumped up and was screaming "What was that?! What IS that?!" I just calmly watched her (this is why I did not look outside or at any of my things). After the second roll I figured it was an earthquake.

My thoughts were "If I can feel that little bit of a roll here in Ohio, who got the epicenter? Who got the big one?"

She kept yelling down the hall to her manager "Did you feel that?! Is that an earthquake?!" He did not immediately answer because he happened to be on the phone. His phone partner felt it also, and she was over 10 miles away. We surmised it had been an earthquake.

If his phone partner felt it, had my daughter? I went to call her but she was already calling me. I answered "Did you feel it?"  Okay, I got caught up in the Alarmist's excitement. My daughter was all excited. She and her beau had felt it. They were both in the upstairs of their home in the computer room and their monitors and walls had swayed. Her beau thought the house was falling down.

After talking to her, I sent a text to my "family group" of 15. I got about four that responded quickly saying "Are you nuts? Are you losing it?" and a couple that said "Where?"

I looked on-line and connected live to the local radio show. They confirmed an earthquake had struck and that some DC buildings were evacuating. So, I surmised it hit near DC. The very first report was 5.8 on the scale.

Then I got a few texts that said "I didn't, but so and so did!"

After talking to people all day about it I came to conclude that those in an elevated floor of their building had a better chance of feeling it. In my area. Some in the area - it didn't matter where they were - their entire building shook. Still another building a mile away - the workers felt nothing. Perhaps it also depends on the strength of the structure of the building. Makes you wonder.

It is also kind of fascinating to talk to people because an event like this brings out some wonderful stories. "When I lived in California..."

Anyway, it was my first earthquake. I figure all the way to 51 and have never felt one before - I am pretty darn lucky. This rolling motion was about as much as I ever want to experience, thank-you very much.

Grrrr!

My nook arrived yesterday and I am getting nothing done around the house! Nothing!

My party is a week from today Mr. Nook Book. Or is it a Ms. Nook? Can't tell yet. Could be gender free. But either way it should know that I have a ton of work to do! A ton! Hello!

What are the odds? Both neighbors on each side of me are getting a new roof put on their houses. AT THE SAME TIME! WTF! I swear to god it's like dueling banjos except it is dueling power tools. I don't know what they use - I am not a roofer, nor have I ever dated one. I only hear "Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam...."  then as if in stereo from the other side ... "Bam, Bam!"

I "think" the one side is finished. Talk about some foul language. I wonder if they realize that their voices really carry when they are perched on top of a roof like that. I walk my dogs three to four times a day. Early in the morning they have not started yet so it is rather peaceful still. At lunchtime I can hear them. Mother/Father this, Mother/Father that! Stupid ass this, dumb ass that. 

The really strange thing is the owner of the company on the one side (with the foul language) is the husband of a lady who watched my daughter for a couple of years when she was about five and six years old. When my daughter saw  him at the pharmacy she works at he did not remember her at all. Whew. I was glad I did not go over and say  hello to him. I would have felt like an ass. I doubt that he would have remembered me either, then. He is rarely there anyway as his son has taken over. I never cared much for his son. He was 18 at the time his mother watched my daughter and he just did not have time for little tykes. I would not expect an 18 year old to, anyway.

Well, the days march on and my daughter has not moved back, yet. She said she is waiting until after the new floor is put in because I have used her bedroom as a storage area for all my furniture and she literally has no place to put her bed and dresser.  I told her I can move the stuff to the basement but she says no. How can she stay with her boyfriend if they are no longer a couple? I just laughed. Oh cripes, I am cracking up. I can't stop laughing, now. Life is funny. It is saying "Hey Peruby! You thought you have seen it all? Ah, no! I've got many, many surprises for you!"

I'm just afraid that she is sending the wrong message to her ex-beau. But, do you actually think a 20 year old would listen to advice from her (relationship-deficient) mother? Hell, no!

My mom had eight children. She let us live our own lives and make our own choices/mistakes. Since I was the eighth perhaps she had it down to a science and she made it look easier than it really is. And as far as I know (and I am 99.9% certain, no make that 110% certain) that my mother only knew one guy in her life. How did she know about relationships? How did she end up so wise? 

Sigh. This sucks.

Cookie Cutter Housing

I worked at an automotive/hardware store in the late 70's and early 80's. I made a lifelong friend there. She was (is) about 14 years older than me, but very young at heart. She and I clicked right away. I've seen her through three divorces, she is now a great-grandmother.

About fifteen years ago she left her job and her life to stay at home and care for her ailing mother. No easy task. She comes from a family with six children. Her oldest sister was wheel chair bound and lived in Florida. Her younger sister was off and busy with her life in Columbus.

The eldest brother provided the double wide for her and their mother to live - on his property. A couple of years back after thirteen years of lifting and caring for their mother, my friend had heart trouble and was admitted to the hospital. The mother died while my friend was in the hospital. She rarely got a free week-end or free time to herself. I remember one such week-end she escaped to my house for a much needed free week-end. The poor lady slept the entire time - she was that exhausted. It took it's toll on her health and especially on her back. The mother could not walk or go to the bathroom by herself. My friend would have to beg a sister or sister-in-law to come and stay with their mother while she got a much needed hour or two to herself.

They finally qualified for a hospice care that came four hours a day to relieve my friend. She said that mostly she slept the entire time since she was up all hours of the night caring for her mother.

She did not get to say good-bye to her mother since she was in the hospital during the funeral, etc... She now stays at the double wide and has multiple medical problems of her own. One such recent incident is her teeth. She had to have them all surgically removed. Since she is no longer married she relies on medicare for her needs. Their answer was to send her to a Columbus dentist.

She did have that younger sister in Columbus that would take her to the doctor and get this done. The problem was getting her to Columbus. Her daughter has panic attacks and cannot drive anywhere other than around her home. Her son is in California with his family. I have no idea where the other two brothers are.

Do you think one brother or the younger sister would offer to help her? Not a one. I saw two of them yesterday and they were very friendly, chatty and just puttering around doing little odds and ends. The younger sister would take her to the dentist surgery but could not be put out to meet anybody halfway or drive down to get her and help her out. However, she certainly is willing to brag about her two Cadillac Escalades and all their latest GPS features, etc... Maybe she just did not have the money to put gas in these large SUV's. My friend was buying the gas, anyway.

My friend is also on oxygen. Years of smoking.

I drove her to Columbus to her sister's house and picked her up and took her home  yesterday. With the family that I have I just am totally mystified that sisters and brothers turn a cold shoulder like this. I was amazed and a bit confused. What goes on in a family that they all act like they care and love each other but when it comes to favors and time - they cannot be bothered?

The really odd thing was that if she did not get a ride on Sunday, her first ex-husband with his third wife were going to drive up and bring her home. She told me (after I offered to come up and get her on Sunday) that she would have died a slow death if she had to ride with them. One feels completely naked and vulnerable after having all of their teeth removed. It is a very  humbling experience. Her ex-husband was going to also have to bring his three sons (from  his second marriage) with him. They were older and I am certain they could have stayed home by themselves. I think he was just telling my friend how inconvenient everything was going to be for him but (sigh) he would do it.

Oh, the cookie-cutter part. Her younger sister lives in one of those housing developments where all the houses look alike. If it were not for the distinct wreath on her door, I am not sure I would have found it by myself. This type of housing is nuts!

Droplets

A dewy spider web on a bush in front of my house.

It is early Friday morning. I have been up since 3:30. I took the dogs out and then read e-mails, etc... Then I created a birthday list to give to family and friends. We do that. We create a list (with pictures). It works well for us. This year I want hanging flower baskets, lawn decorations and cookware (to replace broken or lost stuff). It is pretty bad when the pictures I choose off the Internet take me to a shopping site that lists a dutch oven for $278 and a lamp for $280. When did I get such expensive tastes? No, I don't want another lamp. I must have 20 around here. I love lamps.

I signed out about 5 books from the library. Vacation next week. It is supposed to be a working around the house vacation. I need to pull everything out of my living room and dining room area to make ready for a new floor. What do you want to bet that the books get read and the work does not get done? Heh, heh. I at least hope to be able to mow the lawn. It looks as if we will have a break from the rain this week-end. I could have started that last night but I was at the end of a three day headache. One that was NOT responding to OTC medication and I was not taking another prescription migraine pill.

Maybe I'll get a chance to check out the other blog sites this coming week and set up a back-up blog to use in case of another outage that blogger experienced. You can read about it here:  http://buzz.blogger.com/.

I should write about good companies I have had experience with also - not just the negative. For the most part, Verizon had great service. This one incident really left a scar on me, though.

For an example of great customer service, let me share this story with you. I have been looking at cameras for about 2 years, now. I am very happy with the Canon brand. The only two features I had trouble with were the delay in shooting and the letters wore off the selection button on top of the unit. I bought a Power Shot in 2003 5.1mp. It has served me very well.

I was watching prices closely and when Sears put their Power Shot SX30 on sale I went to snap it up. While the sales lady was in the back looking for my camera I browsed the stereo systems. I have an old CD player/radio sitting on my patio. It is filled with dust and debris because it has sat out there every summer since I moved in (2002). Nobody has ever bothered it. I have been meaning to replace it. 

There sat a beautiful Sony CD/mp3 player with an iPod connection and a sub woofer. The sales lady came back with my camera and we took it out of the box and were going over the details - it has this, this and that. I noticed there was no memory card included. I asked her if she could throw one in for free. She said that would be the other lady's decision. The other sales lady came over and I showed her the memory card from my daughter's camera and explained that it would not work in this new camera. Could she throw in an SD memory card with the camera? "No" she said. "I can't do that?" I said "How about if I also purchase that Sony stereo right there? I pointed to the stereo I  had been looking at. She quipped back "Will an 8 gig card be okay?"

LOL! Verizon - take note! Now THAT is customer service!

Oh. Between you, me and the barn door (or fence post) - I think my old camera still takes better macro pictures but this could be because I have not had time to properly use or experiment with the new one. 14.1mp with 35mm zoom. I have no idea if I have discovered how to use the macro feature or not. I can't seem to find it to turn that on. I keep pressing the macro button but I don't see the little tulip appear on the screen like I did with the old camera. My dogs have already chewed up a piece of plastic that covers the top flash holder. Grrrr! 

The last four pictures or so of my posts have been from the new camera. I am still learning. I think it was 2 years before I really got the hang of the older one but I didn't take the time at first to play with it. I have been practicing with this one almost every day. This upcoming week I hope to read the on-line manual and I plan to take the time to get my tripod out and go to a lake or two.

Oh and by the way...just so you know. At 50 years old I finally have the chutzpah to ask for free things like the memory card. In my younger days I never bartered, bickered, complained or asked for anything. Sigh. Maybe new tricks can be taught to old dogs.

Verizon update

Here is a photo of my boxer when I told him the story about our Verizon fiasco. He raised up, gave me a look that definitely says WTF?! Even he could not believe how insane the story was.

There is a so-so ending. I am not "completely" satisfied. We returned the phone, thus getting our extra line dropped. All fees waived. Of course I will be going over my bill with a magnifying glass for the next few months because now the company has lost all of my trust.

My daughter turned around and just purchased the phone outright, then. We could not have been treated any nicer. We went to the same store and I tried like hell to get the same sales person and same manager (they were both there) but we were superseded by another assistant who was full of "honeys" and all kinds of nice things to say and call us. A male manager hovered over the entire episode. It was as if they were waiting for us and they ushered us to the back counter. I smirked at this because they could put me in the next county and if I am angry enough the customers in the store could still hear me.

I could tell at the first instant that I was not going to need my anger. It deflated after the first "All fees will be waived, don't worry. We will take care of everything." from the sales assistant.

Also came to find out that the former sales associate had charged my daughter $20 for a phone cover that she repeatedly told her came WITH her phone. My daughter got a lesson in checking the receipt when they hand it to you. They have a sneaky way of putting the receipt in the bag and knowing that you probably won't be looking it over. That you will be too busy setting up your new phone.

I just wanted the fiasco over with and I think it will be a long time before either one of the kids wants another phone. But, I will be damned if Verizon was getting away with this mistake. They have left a scar on me that I doubt will heal over very soon.

I hold a grudge for a long time. There is a fast food restaurant that I have not walked into since 1985. I hardee ever see one anyway. I also have a grudge against a department store. I know they could care less about one person's business but the fact that they won't be getting any more of my money is my kohl, I mean goal.

Customer Service

My Azaleas are popping this year.

This post brings me to Monday the 9th. My daughter wanted a new phone and her contract was not up so she and her boyfriend were going to pay full retail price for a smart phone. I won't go into this but we all remember when we first began making our own money and some of us (if not all) thought that money would stretch on forever.

Sigh. On Tuesday the 3rd, the sales lady talked us into purchasing the phone for half the retail price (retail was $500) and adding a plain line to our plan for $10 a month with a 2-year contract. (I was contacted over the telephone - I was  not at the store).  So either way my daughter was going to pay $500. Either all of it up front or half now and half over a 2 year plan. I could find somebody that could  use a cell phone number in my family. I have a brother who will be 70 and he has never felt the need for a cell phone. I would just find a cheap phone and set it up with the new number and give it to him to take with him when he was away from  home. Done deal. Sometimes people like the security of a cell phone after they begin to use it. I do not know of many people who stop using one after they started.

I decided to research the line to make sure that my brother had 500 minutes of call time and what do I find when I pull up my account? They are charging me $20 a month for the line instead of the promised $10. At $10 a month for 2 years it would have equaled $240, correct? At $20 a month for two years now we are looking at $480 total. That is double the amount quoted to us. With my daughter already paying $250 for the new phone, that would be a grand total of $730.

There is no rebate if you do not add this smartphone to a new plan.

So Mama bear decides to go into the cell phone store and question the bill. I give them my account number and I ask for the same clerk that my daughter had. That clerk is at lunch.  I told them I would wait for her. She came over to me about ten minutes later. She pulled up the account. She said that she had made a mistake. That since I was a previous Alltel customer that the fee IS indeed $20 a month. I gave her a stoic look. 

I can't recall exactly what it is I said at that particular moment. The moment is lost to me, now. I suppose I said something to the effect of "Fix it." To which I believe she replied "I can't. There is nothing I can do."  I do remember I raised my voice. I do remember I did NOT curse. I do remember the manager jumping up off her perch and running over to us. In other words in a fit of rage I lost it. As I am prone to do from time to time.

This is where it got ugly. For starters all I could see was the managers' eye make-up. I can't find an image on the web that even comes close. She wore coffee brown eye shadow straight to her brows. No shading, no lighter blending as you got closer to the brow - total black/brown all the way. She had the god-awful longest lashes I had ever seen any human wear outside of the theater. It was very hard to take her seriously. If I were not so angry I would have been amused.

She was not a kind manager. She treated me as if I were the problem. I repeated myself "She makes the mistake and I have to pay?"  She just kept saying "There is nothing we can do."  The manager took about 8 minutes of my time explaining to me all about how I was an Alltel customer and to move me over to their company I would probably lose money. Her sermon went on forever. I stared at my notebook. Yes, I take a notebook when I know I am going to get angry and cannot recall every word that is exchanged. I knew this was going to be one of those times. Names get written down.

I quipped "How about training your employees a little better?" Was it a cheap shot? I didn't think so. She icily told me "I don't need YOU  coming in here and telling me how to train my employees. She made a mistake. I bet you make mistakes. I have worked here for 5 1/2 years and I still make mistakes. There is a lot of details to learn. You don't need to come in here and berate her!"

Of course you think of a million things you could say back after the initial exchange. I should have said "Yes, you do need a customer coming in here to inform you that your training is sub par."  That is the first one. The second could have been "I  am not berating the employee who made the mistake,  I am pointing out the lack of training she received - so I guess I am berating the person who trained  her."

Ah, well. I know I said plenty. One was the option of returning the phone. She shot back "Yes, you have 14 days to return the phone, but we will have to charge you a $35 re-stocking fee!"  Again, I came back with "Excuse me? She makes the mistake and I have to pay?"  Incredulous. "I am sorry but we cannot waive the re-stocking fee."

At this time I was ready to end my entire relationship with this company. I have been an Alltel/this new company customer for over 12 years. "How much to get out completely?"  I knew there would be a fee to break the contracts.

She punched more buttons on the computer. I swear she laughed and sneered. "That would cost you $950. That is too much money. I know you won't do that!"  At that point I should have told her "I don't need YOU to tell me what I can and cannot do with my money" -  but of course I did not think of that until later.

I said "Money is not the issue."  She remarked "Well, it certainly was when you started."  I looked at her and narrowed my eyes. I said "Now it's about customer service."  She said that I was not going to get a better cell phone range with any other company.

I put my pen in my purse and snapped my notebook shut. "I am done here. Thank-you." I could see I was not going to get anywhere with this clown.   And I walked out the door. I waited 2 hours to calm down before I called the 800 number on my bill. Of course they would waive the $35 fee. This does not help me. My daughter wants the phone. The only thing to do is to return the phone (drop the extra line) and turn around and purchase the phone for $500.

My daughter was livid. Of course they spent the other $250. Actually the cash was all her boyfriends. He is the one that wanted a new phone. Since we added him to our plan he has changed his phone twice. He has apologized profusely to me for this mess. He wanted a new phone. It is his money. Nobody can predict how the company will treat the customer in this instance. I only know that we did nothing wrong but Verizon was saying that we had to pay and through the nose.

I was NOT going to let Verizon get away with charging me double what they quoted me, though. Would you? I have a letter to send to headquarters. My daughter has until the 17th to return the phone. When she does this I will send the letter. I called the corporate 800 number twice. I wrote a scathing e-mail on-line. Again, all reps will waive the $35 re-stocking fee. Still this does not do me a hell of a lot of good. What about the $35 activation fee to start up that fourth line? Do I get credit for that?

I just remembered that little bit. Her boyfriend paid that in cash on the spot. Christ. 12 years! 12 years and no major issues. Alltel's customer service was a dream come true. Now as each contract expires I may just move onto another provider. My daughter and her boyfriend can do what they want with their phones. I am pulling out. 

Unless miracles of miracles the corporate decides to make amends. I won't hold my breath.

What's in a (code)name?

Seems like some folks are upset about the military using "Geronimo" as the code name for 'O bin la'. Here is a photo I snagged of the Apache warrior. Yikes!  He kind of looks like he is wearing a version of a keffiyeh. Then put a long, thin and scraggly beard on him and - OMG! There are not many recent pictures of obinla. If there were, I bet the face would be close to looking as craggy as Gero's.

Speaking of pictures - I do not care to see the gruesome details of the body.

Really, though. Can you imagine life if your name was Katrina? Why didn't people with this name sue the World Meteorlogical Organization or at least ask for an apology? Actually I am kind of surprised they didn't  - given the audaciousness of human nature.

Like a Rock

Stood there boldly, sweatin’ in the sun

The song was still resounding in my head after
my drive.


...felt like a million, felt like number one


I sat down at my computer to check my e-mail messages

....at the height of summer, I’d never felt that strong

My god! I felt so strong and alive back then.

Like a rock

My daughter's boyfriend and his cousin walked into the room.


I was eighteen, didn’t have a care

I felt like I was on top of the world back then.

workin’ for peanuts, not a dime to spare


"We are going to a Bob Seger concert the end of May,
you wanna go?"


but I was lean and solid everywhere

Sigh... Bob Seger... I knew every word to every song,
maybe I still do.

Like a rock

I leaned way back in my chair. Bob Seger.....
in person. Not the tribute band this time.

My hands were steady, my eyes were clear and bright

At 20 years old... they were going to listen to Bob...

my walk had purpose, my steps were quick and light


Where was I working at 20 years old?

And I held firm, to what I felt was right

I despised injustice in the workplace. Still do.


Like a rock

A live conert, huh?


Like a rock

Ah yes, I have always witnessed somebody puking at
every concert I have attended....


I was strong as I could be

My head aches thinking about it.

like a rock

I didn't care to see any of that!

Nothin’ ever got to me


Life speeds by, I feel as though I am on a runaway train.

like a rock

Sigh. At 18, 19 and 20 I was a real dancing queen....

I was somethin’ to see

I would even dance sober!

like a rock

Life was risky back then. I was naive.


And I stood arrow straight

Energy seemed endless back then.

...unencumbered by the weight of all these hustlers and their schemes

If I didn't like the situation I was in at work,  I just left.

I stood proud I stood tall high above it all

I had my integrity... I would quickly lose respect for my boss.

I still believed in my dream

Yep. Piss me off and I was out the door. A regular ramblin' man.


Twenty years now, where’d they go?

Twenty, thirty? Who is counting anymore?

Twenty years, I don’t know

Getting up for work day after day after day.


I sit and I wonder sometimes

And when in the hell did my boss become a
person YOUNGER than I?




where they’ve gone

Sh!t! I was singing "Old Time Rock & Roll" before
my current boss was even born!


And sometimes late at night,


No more late nights dancing and partying...don't really miss it.

...oohhh when I’m bathed in the firelight

More like the television light.

the moon comes callin’ a ghostly white, and I recall




That crazy moon! Why does it cast such a spell onto us?

I recall

Why does it bring back such melancholy memories?


Like a rock...

My daughter's boyfriend brought me out of my reverie,
"So, do you want me to get you a ticket?"

Like a rock...

Thirty years....

Like  a rock...

Time waits for no one....

Like  a rock...

I managed a weak smile.
"Nah, go on ahead without me..."

I still have my dreams.

Found the video "Like a Rock".

Here I am

This is me. Right now. Well, if I were male, I guess. My hair is longer. It might be sticking up. I don't know. I do not have as much stubble. I rarely use a pencil. My desk is not this neat. My coffee cup has to squeeze between slippery magazines and stacks of papers. Stuff I never throw away. It helps to absorb the coffee when I spill it anyway. Then the paper and magazines get thrown away.

I am so exhausted. I cannot sleep. A couple of things I know for certain are contributing to my insomnia. Peri menopause and work stress. I had a huge upgrade to the appliance that I take care of at work. I had to drive to my home office. I was gone for over 12 hours. During that time, my only brain breaks were while I was driving. We even had pizza brought in so that we could keep on keeping on. A slice of pizza in one hand, clicking the mouse with the other. Ugh.

There are going to be a slew of issues to deal with today. I can just feel it. This change was quite massive. I inherited this appliance from some guy who did not give a sh!t. He still doesn't. He is a mystery employee where you do not know how he stays employed because he ducks out of everything. So the appliance was not properly  managed for two  years before I took over. Before that the person who managed it is now our director and does not have time for me or the appliance. For two years my questions have gone unanswered. I quit asking questions and hoped for the best.

Then comes the tech who helped me perform the upgrade. We worked over the telephone. For a long time he asked questions. What is this? Who put that in there and why? Do you realize that this won't work? Why didn't you order the "bigger" "better" "more expensive" unit and software? Why? Why? He finally realized that I just manage the damn thing and that I do not get to make any decisions. I tried to explain to him that I "asked" for the correct unit. I was told that we were not going to "band-aid" the appliance. That we were going to get a unit that would work and carry us into the future. I didn't get what I needed.  Imagine that.

What I wanted to tell him was that in case he did not notice, education is getting their budgets hacked all to pieces. I have no idea what state he lived in. It appears as if he were on  Eastern time. He was arrogant. He was technical. He was almost - no he WAS condescending. I needed him. I tolerated it. I still need him. Things were not as bad once he resigned himself to the fact that I had not chosen this ill-fated marriage of appliances - that I was told what we were getting and to make it work.

We will see what the day brings. With such little sleep, I am not optimistic. I may try to shut my eyes, but after this post it will be the most opportune time to take the dogs outside to do their business. Before all the neighbors begin to get up and take their dogs out. It is a zoo out in my neighborhood between 5:30 and 7:30. If I wait too long to take the dogs out - they do nothing because they are too busy barking at other dogs. Sigh.

Anyway, there is no rest tonight. I have planned a small family get together for my daughter. (Small as in less than 12 of us) are meeting in town about an hour away from me. After work there will be a cake to pick up and balloons. Then I rush home to let the dogs out. Then I try to make it to the restaurant by 6:30. 

School budgets. I got the news today. A lot of folks are against public employees getting some of the health benefits paid for. When I was hired (after working in the business field for almost 20 years) I was told that the pay was not up to scale as private business but that they make up for it by offering a better benefits package. Part of that was that some of our health care was covered. That will be taken away (possibly) this July. I have to prepare for the worst. That is a ten percent deduction in my paycheck. 

A lot of people say "Boo Hoo" you don't get your health benefits paid for. I would have been one of them - why should "THEY" get their benefits paid when "I" don't?  This was in the business field where we were evaluated and got raises. In education you get steps. Some years you get a little step, others a little larger.  A step plus a percentage pay increase. Sometimes 1%, rarely 3%. The past two years - no raise at all. 

Like I stated earlier - (benefits) was one of the bargaining factors in getting hired in education. I did not choose education. I chose technology. The benefits of working in technology in the education field were the hours and the lack of emergency downtime. With a five year old (at the time) to raise by myself - the hours were a plus. The fact that if a school's network went down it was not the end of the world compared to a business or hospital needing their Internet connection running 24/7. That means that I would not have to leave the house at 10 p.m. because the network was down. These were attractive traits to me when I accepted the job.

Even the security is gone. Once hired with an on-going contract, I am now an at-will employee. I know, "Just like the rest of us". I can hear you saying "Get over it" or "deal with it". No surprise to me.

If I were to work in business (as my previous jobs) I would possibly be working an afternoon or midnight shift. As you may be aware a lot of computer works gets done "after hours".  And week-ends. I am family oriented so I wanted my evenings and week-ends free. That is why I accepted the job in the education field. Even though it paid less than private business (substantially less), most of us accepted it because the benefit package worked for us.

I enjoy my work. Will I enjoy it less if I have to work evenings? With this new appliance I am finding that I am working more time at home. We did get the notice that we could begin using Flex time. I'll see how that pans out. For whatever reasons - nobody likes to get their paycheck cut. I don't care who you are. I do not look at what people in the business field make doing my work. That just brings on feelings of frustration, anger and resentment. Who needs that? It probably is not an accurate survey, anyway. So, if I have to - I will take the cut. As some of my co-workers mentioned also - we are already drowning, exhausted trying to stay afloat in life. What interesting challenges this cut will bring to our lives.

I read the newspapers. Folks will say "Hey, you will be in the same boat as the rest of us! You will have to pay for ALL of your benefits - just like the rest of us!"  The issue here is - the younger folks - the ones with the freshest minds and ideas and knowledge? They won't be picking education to work in. Our schools and students will be stuck with an older workforce running the networks. Because we are too tired to start over and go back to the business world - where we could possibly make more money. The younger ones won't blink twice about going for the bigger dollar. Once the benefit package is taken out of the equation. I am not just talking health benefits with the package - I am talking sick days/holidays/vacation. Older staff members had experience and patience on their side. Younger staff members learn and grasp new technologies quicker and can implement it faster. And they have fresh ideas. We need to continue to mix it up. I am concerned that our younger, brighter workers are going to move on down the line.

Okay, did I mention I was exhausted? I may not be making any sense.  I may be repeating myself. I am trying to purge the poison feeling out of me. I will type until I do a complete face plant into my keyboard, hopefully missing my coffee cup on the way. Headache - oh yeah. You betcha. Probably need the pills by 8:00.

Face plant completed.

Another place..another time

December 1966. I was six years old. We would not get decent running water until 1968 if memory serves me correctly. We had a well and we had very limited water. That would explain the dirty clothes. I remember the Lazy Susan and that black and white ashtray. I remember the sofa would pull out into a sleeper. That was where I was sleeping when Armstrong landed on the moon in 1969 - on that sleeper sofa. I could have sworn the lamp shades were burnt orange, but either they replaced them later or my memory is skewed.

This was my life as the youngest of 8 children whose father was a non-functioning alcoholic. A functioning alcoholic is able to keep a job and live life somewhat socially acceptable. My Mom (if she was not also an alcoholic) was very co-dependent.

I had it much better than the rest. Like I always say, by the time I came along my oldest siblings were taking over the family expenses and seeing to their younger siblings needs. I was fortunate in the fact that because of my oldest brother and sister I was able to live in the same house and attend the same school from the time I was six years old until I was an adult. We came very close to being placed into foster homes quite often, so I am told.

Back then my mother was made to feel responsible for the reason my father drank. Welfare was merciless to her. She refused to go back and ask for help after one such ordeal. Everybody said that there was help and the government would help you. Unless you have dealt with a Nazi-style government worker from the 60's I suggest you keep your opinions to  yourself. They blamed her for having too many children and wanted to dole us out to foster homes. For fear that the family would be torn apart, she stopped seeking help from the government. What a relief we did not get torn apart. I knew some families that did.

I have the day off from work. It is my self-proclaimed "discrimination" day. Almost every being on this planet has been a victim of discrimination in some form or another. There are many forms of discrimination, I would find it impossible to list details here; and it is still alive and well today.  Oh, and then there is the "reverse" discrimination. Where a white man cannot get a job because the company is required to hire so many black men and women that he is pushed out of an opportunity to work.

I am having a little trouble today

 I thought I could write about this, but I can't yet. I did not have the television on Saturday so I was not aware of the shootings in Arizona. Sunday's paper had the above picture of the two little sisters, who died in a house fire and that knocked the Arizona news off the front page. I am sick about both events. I cannot read (much) about either one, yet.

So far - no working smoke alarms in the house where the girls were sleeping. Eleven (I thought that MY house got full) people sleeping in the house.

My coffee sours in my stomach. I know where I'll be making my donations (the family needs everything) for the beginning of this year.

At a luncheon yesterday there was a lot of talk about the Arizona incident. I can handle the tragedies piece by piece but am having trouble absorbing everything about both of them. In a form of self preservation, I allow my brain to realize it a little bit at a time.

Then I try to immerse myself into something else.

Bread

I went a little hog wild with the cranberries. I was getting 'into" the mixing up the cranberry nut bread and I figured I would add extra cranberries. I then thought - well, I'd better add more sugar. The result came out a little tart for my taste. It is still good, but next time Peruby "stick to the recipe!"

Here they are. Ready to roll.

I got the little mini-loaf pans with little plastic lids this year. Ready for people to just load them up and take them home.

I don't like baking cookies, but I will bake this bread any day.

I truly wish each and every one of you a day fit for a king. A feast of all feasts with good company and sweet memories. Joy and harmony (not easy with family sometimes) and lots of laughter. It's the laughter that I remember. We joke and tease each other with no mercy. 

I think fondly of a friend who goes down to the shelter in a nearby city and helps to serve the free meal offered to the homeless and needy. She has done this for years before heading to her own family feast.

I think sadly of the folks who are alone today. I hope their past memories help them through today. I can't even imagine what that would be like.

I have many, many thanks this year. More than last year, and more than the year before that. Next year, I will have even more. Life is so precious. Family is so precious. We do not know what the future holds and we do not know who will be with us next year and who will not be. Sigh.

The "out of gas" story

My brother (1942) and I went to shop yesterday for an extra internal hard drive for his computer. He has  a 160 GB and it was getting full. He deleted stuff and cleaned it up, but thought he should still add one. That's where I come in. I went to his house, we opened up the PC, gave it a good cleaning. I made sure there was a cable for the extra drive - power, yes. Cable for data - no. His was SATA (like mine) and I just did mine (wait, how many times? LOL!).

Leaving the store and in the parking lot a nice young lady asked me "Can I ask you a question?"  Besides the fact that she just did, I said "Yes."  She began, "I ran out of gas...." and pointed across the parking lot. I snorted (or something to that effect) and shook my head. "No way!" I said.

She said "Oh, okay."  As I walked away I told my brother   "I'm not falling for THAT one!"

In the car I explained to him that just this past month both our brother 1953 and his wife's niece were ripped off by somebody claiming to have run out of gas. They both gave the guy money (his wife and kids were still in the car out on the freeway, for goodness sake!) and never saw it again. The stories are much more complex, but you get the idea.

Then they told me there were crack addicts walking around (the city my brother lives in) the parking lots telling the woeful store of running out of gas, so they could score some drug money. When we got home and told our sister 1944, she said "That's a shame. Those people are ruining it for people who actually do need help."

Well, I told my story on facebook and wouldn't you know... a friend of mine said "That was my cousin, and she really DID run out of gas!"  I apologized and told her why I did what I did. I also told her (and my sister) it was strange because this girl did not look like a drug addict (but who am I to  know what one looks like?). She had nice hair and clothes and she looked healthy.

So I have learned a lesson. I should at least listen to the person before I make such a harsh judgement again. I should have said "I have my cell phone, can I call somebody for you?"  I know better than to hand my phone over to them. 

I also was a bit perplexed by the way she started her story. My reasoning was (before I discovered that she was my friend's cousin) was that 1. - who does not have a cell phone with them? (I know some folks don't but it is rare).  2. If I ran out of gas, I would not ask people if I could ask them a question, I would just blurt out - "Can you help me?" or "Do you have a cell phone, can you call somebody for me?"  - my first words out of my mouth would be "I ran out of gas".  Of course I probably would have stopped her right there, but if you need assistance, I don't know - I don't think  you start out with "Can I ask you a question?"  That is more like starting a conversation about "Is this restaurant any good, or do you know the directions to somewhere?" Or even worse - 'Who are you voting for and can I give you my opinion on the candidates?' Yikes.

So, next time (if there is a next time) I will listen first and let my instincts tell me if that person in need  IS on the up and up. I still remember Tabor's story about the nice looking lady in the drug store.

And a quick recap on yesterday's post about facebook in the classroom, here is a page that I thought has some pretty good pointers.  http://www.heppell.net/facebook_in_school/.

The years fly by

It is all going by in a blur - in the end it's a wink of an eye.

Time. Hurry up and wait. It keeps on slipping... into the future. It goes by so slowly. It goes by too quickly. It goes. To be four years old, then fourteen, and then 24. There is a cavern of time between the early decades. After 34 or so, they just blur together. Mine do anyway. I lived entire lifetimes between four and 14, and then between 14 and 24. Between 24 and 34. After that I kind of stayed in one place, remained in one job, saw the same people every day. The years became a blur.

Am under the weather today. I dreamt (how about dreamed?) I was throwing up. Hmmm yes, spell checker likes dreamed much better. I awoke with a searing headache and not feeling well at all. I gag when I sneeze. I am stuffed up. My eyes hurt. I don't want to go back to bed because I will then focus on the nausea. If I stay up and do things I can keep it in the background.

I think there was more to my purchase on Monday than meets the eye. Yes, I have been looking at the various smart phones and there comes a time (like when I buy a car) when I just get tired of looking and just say "oh, just buy the damned thing! One of them, any one of them so I can get out of the misery of deciding!" Make a decision and "poof" it's over.

The fascinate has a few caveats that I am trying to learn to deal with. It kept shutting down on me (going to sleep) so I figured out how to keep it "on" for a couple more minutes. I'm sure this will be okay when I know how to use the phone, but it was kind of aggravating while I was trying to learn how to use it. At first it "pushed" my exchange e-mail and then it stopped. I re-created the setup for my work e-mail and it began "pushing" my work messages again.

Anyway, I think I was upset from Monday at work - and purchasing the new phone was supposed to make me feel better. I am guessing - but I really had been looking. A co-worker and I were given a new job to do. Our organization started a new avenue. I bulldozed through the mess and figured out how to set up the entire show. I was ready with a presentation. For about the sixth time in 15 years, we ran out of time at the meeting and my presentation was nixed - again. Barely a mention. As I mentioned above it has happened to me before. All that work and "poof" nothing. Not a word, not a mention about it. WTF?!

I also believe that is why I am throwing myself into the Ubuntu experience. I need to have something to learn to make me feel good about myself. I must stay resilient and not become recalcitrant.

Oh, woe is me

Using my backup computer again. Here is a photo a month or so old with our cat Teton looking at some fish in a bowl. They are there, up near the top. The food cover we use so the fish can't jump out and so the cat can't stick it's paw in is kind of covering them.

I have my main computer down to change the battery. I got one at Radio Shack and (par for the course) got the incorrect one. I also changed the fuse in my sub woofer and promptly blew the new one out. So that means a more serious problem. I must find a place that repairs sub woofers. Oh, woe is me.

And, I have insomnia. I have been up for an hour. The dogs have been taken outside and fed. I still have some kitty litter duty but I kind of procrastinate in that area. Work has been busy in an interesting kind of way.

I hope to visit some family and an old friend this holiday week-end coming up. Labor day. Hah.