Yes, suffice it to say that I want my sister's husband to disappear. I really don't care how.
I have no feelings for the animal that he is. I might have a sliver of conscience when it comes to my nephew (his son) - but other than that - I believe my sister and the entire world in general would be better without him in it.
She just wants him to return to the person he used to be, say 20 or 30 years ago. Dear sister - that ain't gonna happen.
He worked a full time job at a mill near the river and brought home a steady paycheck. For 30 years.
Drug use got him fired after 30 years of service. He had 3 chances to redeem himself and it is as though he wanted them to fire him.
They received a lump sum in his pension but then it was threatened that the system was going to take it back. They panicked and spent the money. All of it. Zip. Gone.
Now they are left struggling on her income. She was not "allowed" to work while he worked as he felt she should take care of him and the home and their son. So her experience will only get her a minimum wage job at best.
No benefits. No vacation. No sick days. No insurance.
The son struggles through job after job, quitting after a few months at each one. He has a college degree but cannot find work in the field he chose. Drugs and alcohol play a major part in his life and perhaps his lack of job commitment also.
The grandparents have a wonderful nest egg, but they are near invalids (in which my sister cares for them on a daily basis) in between her job, taking care of the household, and catering to her lump couch potato husband. He recently received a DUI and is still driving around. She needs to run him to court hearings - they are trying to get his license back. He refused a breathalyzer. I have heard that if you do that in the state of Ohio, it is an automatic suspension of your drivers license for one year. I don't know.
The in-laws are constantly asking her to do things for them. Change their sheets. Wash their hair. Wash the curtains, sweep the carpet. Clean the bathroom. Get them groceries. Get their prescriptions filled. Clip their toenails.They have money coming out their ears and they refuse to hire help. They don't want a stranger in their house. They want my peasant sister to do everything for them. They rarely compensate her for the work she does.
She has been dealing with this 'major' stress for well over a year. Her husband slowly began showing signs of bi-polar personality disorder years ago. The manic episodes were few and went unrecognized. As the years passed and she talked to me more and more I started to wonder if he did indeed have this manic/depressive disease or was it the cannabis use that was taking it's toll on his brain function?
They had a friend of the family for a doctor and only went to him when they knew they could get only what they wanted and needed. This doctor (I knew his family and did not care for him one iota) would give them whatever they wanted and never advise them to see a regular doctor of their own.
She has been given many chances to leave. She stayed with me for three months after he started choking her one night in a fit of rage and the son had to intervene. He actually called the police on his son and he was nearly arrested. The police finally figured out that this was a nutcase situation and did not arrest anybody. She always goes back to him with a lame excuse such as "He doesn't have any cigarettes" or the very popular "He promises to change."
She has five major addictions. Cigarettes, alcohol, food, gambling, cannabis. She is my closest sister. She is my family. She is very dear to me. She is a very enabling soul. She works herself to death taking care of others, putting herself last. While some may think this is an admirable personality - it is lethal to her own health and well being. She has nothing left for herself and this might be the reason for the addictions. I am not trained in the psychology of the nature of the human brain, but quite a few of my family members are (it tends to be a natural draw for us) and I love to read about it.
The episodes are starting to get closer together. Previously it was a year or two between the violent outbursts where she would have to leave. Then it was every 8 months or so - now it is almost monthly. Do I keep dropping everything and running to help her? Drive her to a safe family member's house? Give her spending money? I fear that her mental state is at the stage where she does not realize the impact she is having on all the family around her. That we are constantly in fear for her while she parties it up - boozing it up with her mate. It turns ugly. It always turns ugly. She gets us all upset like this. She gets admitted to the hospital. She will be back with him within the week. All will be forgiven and they will begin to party. The alcohol will flow. The fighting will start. He will belittle her as he always does.
What kind of need brings forth this madness? What kind of life do people want to live? What ugly monster turned a sunny, cheerful sister into a shadow of herself?