This photo was taken Friday during my lunch break. It was at a nearby dollar store. Seriously, the sign itself had to cost more than a nickel. Five cents!?  What in the world?

Only me!

omigosh you guys!  I am so goofy.

I recall a movie winning awards. It began with the word "Bird".

So, I watched a movie. Unfortunately, I chose "Bird People".

Thinking I had the right movie, it was at 17 minutes into the film that I began to question the sanity of the award givers. Scratching my head I kept thinking...what the?

My daughter was watching the film with me at first and she was like "Beats me..."

Halfway through, I said "I MUST have the wrong movie!"

I looked and found the one I should have been watching is "Birdman!"

LOL!

The wrong movie is strange to say the least.

But, I DO love to laugh at myself.

So, now I need to watch the right movie, but some other time.

Sigh. Only me.

Pick a movie title!

Sorry to go here, guys. I have a blast at work. We have a group of "girls" that go out to eat about once a month or so. Using search queries from my report, I came up with this topic of conversation over dinner.

Describe your sex life with the title of a Movie.

Oh. my . gawd.  Hilarious!

Some of the answers:

Titanic (from the table next to us who over heard us)

Gone with the Wind

Dumb and Dumber

Dazed and Confused

Fast and Furious

Gone in 60 seconds

Misery

Mission Impossible

Are we there yet?

Rocky

Some Like it Hot

Psycho

Endless Love

From Dusk til Dawn

Just Go with it

300

Clueless

Wreck-it Ralph

Raging Bull

The Incredible Hulk

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Frozen

The Big Sleep

Heartbreak Ridge

Mama Mia

Heat

Big Daddy

Scary Movie

All is Lost

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

It Happened One Night

Super 8

Mercy

Raging Bull

and for a great laugh....

Toy Story!

Why in the world...?

Back to my "suspicious search" report. There was an entry or two where somebody searched for "sexy pictures of soda pop."

LOL! I was like ...."What the...?"

Then I remembered. Required reading - 8th grade. One of my favorite books and the author was what...17 when she wrote it?

If you have read the book, then you know that the oldest brother had a "regular" name - Darrel. The middle son was "dreamy" looking and the parents had named him "Sodapop".  And the narrator of the story - the youngest boy was named "Ponyboy."

So, sexy pictures of soda pop.....there you go. It made me laugh.

One Angry Quarter

Still bringing up funny "searches" from the school kids.

"If I threw a quarter off the Empire State Building, would it kill me?"

LOL!

I chuckle at this. First of all, when I was in school and heard the story - it was a penny.

I have to chuckle because all I could think of was that quarter would be so damn angry at that kid for throwing it off the tall building, it ran all the way back up all 103 floors and murdered that kid.

Or, after tossing the coin - did the kid run down the 103 floors (or rode the elevator) to the bottom, jumped out on the sidewalk in time for the quarter to do it's damage?

Of course, what the kid meant to ask is "Would it kill somebody on the sidewalk or the street if it were to hit them on the head?"  Just asking if the coin would kill him made me laugh.

Regardless, no. One coin would not "kill" you. A roll of coins might, though. I'm taking my hard hat if I ever go to New York. There are some crazy people in this world.

After typing that, all I can think of is the people laughing at me wearing my hard hat, shaking their heads in mockery that I actually thought I was going to get hit by some penny flying through the air.

This topic did bring up an interesting story at work. One guy said his kid's sippy cup full of milk, rolled under the balcony railing at their motel room - 27 stories up.  Fortunately it didn't hit anyone below. I think he said the lid stayed on and everything. Well, it must have fallen in the bushes or in the grass,then.

Wow! There IS an app for that!

There you are in a movie theater, the middle of a movie and the urge to pee just won't go away. But, you don't want to miss anything important, right?

Well, worry no more! There's an app for that!

Straight from their web page:  http://runpee.com/

Each movie has a list of carefully selected Peetimes. We try to find 3-5 minute long scenes that don’t have crucial plot twists, or LOL moments, or exciting  action.

The English Language

I guess my energy or my creativity for writing has been zapped the past few weeks. I am doing a lot at work and I think it uses all of my energy and has left me with nothing to write about.

I am (almost) over the coughing. I still am caught off guard from time to time with a coughing fit. Like last evening we were in a burger joint. The thermometer on the wall said 82 º . Holy cow! The waitress said it was actually cooler in the kitchen.

Warmer temps have finally arrived in Ohio.

But that isn't what this post is about. Since I am slowly getting better, I am regaining one of my most important features. My sense of humor.

Working with the filter, I come across words that are flagged as p0rn. Here is a list of some that surprised me.

crest white strips
police car lights flashing

I finally figured out the offending words that were flagged must be "strips" and "flashing". I was like "really"? I questioned this with our representative. He said the list was very literal. Okay, but holy cow!

Then I came across:

Woody Hayes
Woody Harrelson
woody allen movies

and of course, Woody Woodpecker.

Clarinet fingering chart
Anaconda swallows man
nymph creature
water jugs

Bulimia nervosa ....wait, what? p0rn?
Right up above that search was anorexia nervosa and it properly appeared flagged as family health.
Okay, I just did a little research. (Bulimia is affiliated with food p0rn.)

Hmmmm. And, you know I've mentioned before that "To Kill a Mockingbird" comes up flagged as violence.

But the one that was flagged that made me laugh out loud. "Out loud"  was :

summa cum laude.

Take that, filter!

Funny gag gift

First, let me apologize for the blurry photo. Taken with my cell phone at a work party and my hand was not very steady. (no alcohol involved, we ARE an education institution after all) but plenty of laughter and just plain jitters.

We were to purchase a "gag" gift for five dollars and take to the party. I thought this one was particularly creative. The gal opened her gift and it was a pack of batteries and as she moved the tissue paper aside on the bottom of the box it says "Gift not included."  Loved it!

I do not have any excuse for not posting very much. I guess I just have hit another dry spell. My posting is motivated by my need to put something down, so I guess I'll just have to wait for inspiration or until my feelings prompt me to write.

Knock, Knock

"Honey, would you see who is at the front door?"

I figured we may need something a little lighter today - it's Friday!

And, I know it is an optical illusion, but doesn't that look like a bare leg sticking out from behind the grill on the right?  You will have to click the picture to see it.

LOL!

Mixed Nuts

You are going to have to excuse my ignorance about this one. At the time I read it, I did not know that there was a difference between a peanut (legume) allergy and other "real" nuts. I did not know that somebody allergic to peanuts can safely eat other nuts. Sometimes.

But why would you even take the chance?

Before I was educated on peanut allergy (forgive me for not knowing) the wording of this recall just cracked me up.  I was like "Really?!"  To me it was obvious that anybody with a peaNUT allergy would steer clear from a package of mixed nuts. Oh, contraire!

Well, here's hoping that all packages get out of the consumer's hands safely and anybody who has an actually peanut allergy can eat anything called "mixed nuts" safely.

I go here at least once a week:  http://www.recalls.gov/     and choose "Recent Recalls" and catch up on many different types of recalls. Cars, tires, childrens' toys/clothing, food etc...

Under or over

Seriously. I would not have been able to crawl out from underneath these doors. This photo is lifted off the Internets. I may take photos of our buildings bathroom this coming week. Since I have to take my phone with me every time I go, now. Or, maybe I will spare you. LOL!

Up and over. Yeah. I could easily get UP there. It was coming DOWN on the other side I was worried about. The stall I was in just happened to have the handicap bars on the side and I was able to get good leverage by standing on them to get UP. The other side had nothing but two toilet roll paper holders and it was a long way down until I reach the toilet seat. Hopefully, the back of the tank would have been easier. We may never know. :()

Anyway, a few have asked about the door removal and its hinges. I tried to find a picture on line that showed a door hinge that is well over three feet long. It is the normal hinge you see on a door (usually builders will use three of them) but whoever built these put a three(or four)-foot long hinge that ran the entire length of the door. If I had anything, I was unable to reach the screws that held the door fast. The door would need to be open for me to reach the screws.

And - the custodian may just leave over this incident. Our custodian is a great guy. In my opinion. He and I hit it off very well! We joke, we laugh, we talk. We tell stories. We agree to disagree on politics. I think a great deal of him.

He never professed to be a great handy man.He is part time. He cleans our garbage, he cleans the bathrooms and he mows the grass. He is great at lifting, delivering etc.. He is a retired postal worker. He does not profess to be a fix it guy. He was the one that replaced the handle on this stall a while back. He probably went to the hardware store and bought a handle and installed it. It worked for a long time. It was probably a cheap model that gave out over time. Our other two stalls unlock automatically when you push the handle down (when inside). This new handle, you had to turn the button on the knob to un-lock it. Several times it was jammed down (when it was locked) with people thinking it worked the same as the other two stalls,  and this probably hastened it giving out sooner than usual.

He seems to be bothered by this incident because everybody is talking about how "This should have been done, or that should be done, or somebody should do something!" I think he feels responsible.

He told me that he was done in December of this year anyway, something about his medical will go another year if he waits until December or something will be extended. He told me but I don't remember. A few of the ladies there cannot stand him. I am trying to figure out why.They are the ones whispering that something should have been done or something was not done correctly, blah, blah, blah. The custodian can get irritated and mad and if somebody does that - he is indifferent to them. He seems to hold a grudge against the ones who are cold and do not appreciate him. For the ladies he likes, he bends over backwards for.

The guy did something right. He has two daughters. Both with masters degrees and very successful occupations.

Busted

Ack! This photo I found looks so much like the broken door handle after I pulled/pushed it off the door. The lock mechanism held fast. They were able to open from the outside by inserting a screw driver/knife into the mechanism and turning it.

The day after I was locked in, another lady got locked in. She was from China (our area teaches Mandarin-Chinese) and was attending a workshop at our location. The door was standing wide open so she did not see the sign.

Now, why somebody would use a stall with no door handle/knob is beyond me (but look what I did, I can't talk) but somebody else said "Well, maybe in China this is normal."  Yep. Could be.

Why don't we just get it fixed? LOL! Exactly. The excuse I heard was we cannot purchase anything until after July 1st because they are closing out the books. That is righteous! And we do not have anybody that can fix it. We are an office of about 30 women and 5 men. I know of two guys in the office that could do it. (Heck, the one guy is the one that got me out). They have done plenty of building walls, hanging doors around this office building so I don't know what the heck is going on and why they were not tapped to fix it.

One of the women - her husband built the stalls so I don't know why they don't tap him, but I guess the real issue is the Treasurer. She won't spend the money. It is all political bullsh!t or it is a power struggle or maybe there is a very good reason why.

I am not privy to that type of information, the only thing I know is that it made wonderful conversation fodder for the better part of the week around the office. So much laughter, I love it!

Well....

In my Samantha (Bewitched) voice:  "Wellll?"  Sort of a question, sort of a statement of "What can I say?"

And why I have a picture of a bathroom stall door at work is even a bigger question but we won't go there.

Do you ever have one of those times where you ignore the warnings? The sign? You get the "It won't happen to me" thought in your head. It wasn't exactly like that.

We have three bathroom stalls at work for 30 women. On any given day there may be 20 women in the office. More on training days.

The stall doors go all the way to the floor. If the door is closed it usually means the stall is in use. We have cheap doors made of plywood that somebody built. Not the metal doors as most bathrooms have.

For two weeks there has been a sign on one of the stall doors that explains the handle is broken and you may get locked in.

This day (yesterday) I went to use the bathroom. The two "working" stall doors were closed. The third stood wide open and available. I played with the handle. Huh. Seems shaky, I just won't lock it.

And I went in. I did my business. I heard somebody leave. The other stall was empty - somebody had closed the door. Sigh.

I could not get out. There was nobody about. I jiggled. I jostled. I pulled. I pushed. I banged. Nothing. After was seemed like forever (but was probably two minutes) I attempted the over one side of the brick stall into the other stall. I could get up there but I was certain I would fall when I attempted to scale down the other side (having no upper body strength). I figure I would use that as a last resort.

I waited some more. Tick tock. Tick tock. I jiggled the handle some more. It was very loose. I began to bend it. I broke it clean off. On my side. The door latch held fast. I pushed the other side of the knob out and onto the floor outside the stall. The latch held fast. I poked, I prodded. My fingers became oily.

Finally somebody came in. She tried to help me. She could not, so she went to get one of the guys. This office closes early during the summer hours (I don't) and I was lucky there were still people in the offices. She found one of the "guys" who knew about locks and he picked up the handle on the other side, inserted into the latch and click - it opened.

Now, why with all her pushing, turning and this and that didn't it open for her? He explained a bit to us about how locks work and I could tell he was uncomfortable being in the ladies bathroom. I washed my hands and called him my hero and thanked him profusely.

Ah, such is the life of Peruby. Nobody can get stuck in that stall now. I made certain of that. I ripped that sucker right off the door. Granted they were wee tiny little screws holding it into the plywood.

I laughed about it and joked about it to everybody. It is a fun story to tell. I tell them all I was traumatized and thought I would have to stay in there all night. Not a bad place to be if you are stuck overnight (better than an elevator).

Maybe they will get that lock fixed right this time. And for Pete's sake. When you build bathroom doors, leave a foot or so at the bottom so we can peek under them to see feet, okay? Or, worst case scenario, so Peruby can (unladylike) crawl out the bottom when she gets stuck again in one. Sheesh!

Procrastination

Procrastination can have its good side. I guess. It worked for me, this time.

I told all of you my washing machine broke, right? I was running a load of laundry and I turned to go upstairs and I heard "click" and the water stopped rushing into the basin. What? I thought. That was too soon! Years of using the machine and doing "full" loads I knew when the water should turn off. That was too soon.

I walked back over. I pushed, I pulled. Nothing. I checked the breaker box. Nope. Did not trip a breaker. Damn! I pulled all the clothes out and into the utility sink. I told my daughter to bail out the water and I went on into work that day.

Well, I was going through a lot. The sewer backup, etc. I watched a video on how to change a timer in the machine. I put off purchasing one. I was not real sure where to purchase it anyway. (You should know by now that I don't ask for help from brothers, etc - I try to do it myself, first. I will ask - it is just my last resort.) So a week went by.

Yesterday morning I went downstairs to take my shower. It takes a while for the water to warm up so I looked at the washing machine and I went through the steps of the video. Unplug the cord from the outlet. I looked at the outlet and I looked at that little red "reset" button.

Go on. Laugh. I did.

Stress level high

I went to a garden card party.

It is important that I keep doing my regularly scheduled activities whilst going through this maddening time in my life. I had already paid for and planned an evening after work (with some of my co-workers) to make cards. One co-worker goes to church with a lady who has been doing this card making for over 15 years. It sort of reminds me of scrap booking.

Note: the ladies I do things with in this circumstance are not my "real" co-workers. I am housed at a building 60 miles away from my home office. They are all in education, too - they are secretaries, payroll clerks and Early childhood development workers etc.. They are the ones I see on a daily basis and I love and get along with them all well. We go to dinner together every month. There can be anywhere from four of us to fifteen.

Last evening as I am finishing up some work on the computer (work? yeah right - who am I kidding? I was playing a game to unwind). Anyhoo - my daughter was out for the evening and I knew I was alone in the house. No lie. I was tapped on my right elbow five times. Just like somebody took a finger and tapped me five full times!

In that split second of thought, all I could wrap my head around was that I knew I was alone in the house and who in the hell did that! I knew that I did not sense a being standing beside me - so again - in that split second when your brain races I thought it must be a really small person. It is incredible how many things the brain can think in a nano second, isn't it?

I jerked my head around and something came out of my mouth. I am not sure what. There walked away my smug female cat. She can (at times) stretch herself up and pat me on the arm. She usually does it at feeding time and never five times. Usually once or twice.

I am fairly certain I heard her giggle and mutter something about paybacks.

The little beyotch.

Zero

Zero bids. Are you surprised? Actually there were so many pages of this product on the infamous auction site that I quit going through them all, but had to record this one.

"For a Good Cause" is open to debate.

What happens when I read the news

Seems "Big Tex" caught fire. I didn't even know this structure existed. I guess I need to get out more. Well, I bet that most of the folks in Texas don't know that Ohio has a huge basket that is what --- 8 stories high or so? Yeah.

Well, anyway - they said the fire is still a mystery - they do not know what caused it.

I do.

He certainly must have applied this brand of sunscreen. 

"The maker of Banana Boat sunscreen is recalling some half-million bottles of spray-on lotion after reports that a handful of people have caught on fire..."

And, I am so sorry but I actually laughed when I read that headline. Before the seriousness registered with me of course. But it was so absurd and caught me as funny. 

Well, then when I read about poor Big Tex...well, you see how my mind works.

No Smoking Please

Well, I am driving a crappy loaner. Until 8:00 this morning. I will go back and get mine. Another nail in the tire. Either I really ticked somebody off or I have been driving in some rough terrain. This nail nearly punctured through the side wall of the tire. Forcing me to purchase a new tire. Which, as we all know - you must purchase in twos.

I suppose since the car lot deals with things of this nature, we can let this grammatical error go.

Some things just show up where you lease expect them. LOL!

Sometimes...

...I just have to look it up.

Most of you know that my job requires blocking unsavory sights from the school districts, or rather managing an appliance that does it.

I was t'shooting a school and had to go through their list of blocked sites. LOL!  Most I have seen before and some were new. I came across one I just had to look up.

I just HAD to.

tin f0il under p@nts.  That's right.

The web page is defunct.

So what do I do?

I "googled" it. Yes, I did.

There is a little video about a guy wearing them (it did not show anything distasteful) but what got me was there is actual clothing made that claims to block microwave, radio waves, etc...

Sheesh! The things I learn from this job.

You know what I tell people, don't you?

It's a dirty job, but SOMEBODY's gotta do it.

It is a fact

Ever since I was little I had issue with words. I did not know it at the time, but it could have been a fore runner to my migraines. One symptom of migraine is the speech (dyslexia, I call it) aura. Your brain thinks one thing and the words that come out do not match.

When I was little my family used to laugh at me because I said "cob on the corn" or rolliavi.

I have had I believe, all of the symptoms. Two times (and only two) one eye has completely lost sight. That was weird. I can't recall if it was the same eye each time. The episodes were a couple of years apart.

Anyway, the speech can be quite amusing. I am known to be rather clownish and funny anyway, but this speech issue can really create some havoc.

My medicine takes care of the nausea and pain. Eventually. I am left with what I call a migraine hangover. I am not feeling great but I can function.

A co-worker was introducing a new intern in the tech department. I asked her what her background was and she said "Web page design."  I replied "What did you use, html, frontline?"  The other tech laughed. He said "Frontline? That is for fleas!"  We got a good laugh at that one.

Usually I get words switched. For example, if I want to say - "It sure is hot in the car"; I may say instead "It sure is car in the hot." Things like this have happened all my life.

Later in the day was the real kicker. As you know a few days ago I watched the pilot to Gilligan's Island. The regular theme song form the television series has been stuck in my head for days. I walked downstairs to use the restroom and then off to the mail room to see if I had mail. As I walked back through what I thought were empty halls I was singing "Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale.." I turned a corner and there in front of me was one of the younger fellow psychologists. He was always shy and never said much.

Being a tiny bit self conscious that I had been caught singing, I barked out "I've had Gilligan's head stuck in my I...."  That is when my mouth stopped. My brain was saying WTF are you saying? Stop, stop, stop - you idiot. It was too late. My mouth had spit out the switched words and stopped. The poor guy was texting. He glanced up at me and I was trying to backpedal as fast as I could by talking quickly and saying "I mean the song Gilligan's island has been stuck in my head!"  He was long gone, having returned to his texting.

Yep. My daughter is right. They are scared of me.