Thursday, June 12, 2008

Little mushrooms


I got the mushrooms last week-end as a gift. They go well with my gnomes. My patio will be full around the edge before very long. I have a few more in the house that I need to move outside.

I've been watching the news about the storms and flood in the Midwest. The horror of the boy scouts, the evacuations in the flooded cities. As I passed a gas station today I was wondering if a lot of the service stations would be going out of business. It seems so.

Sigh. I am reminded of the Anne Murray song. "I really could use a little good news, today."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Western Salsify


Well, the corner of it's puffy seeds, anyway. I know it is a weed, but I still like to take pictures of it. If you click on it, I uploaded the 1074 x 845 pixels picture. My camera takes the photo in a 2592 x 1944 (5.0 mega pixel) format. I usually change the size of it before I upload it. Usually I just post it using the 800 x 600 image size.

I've had this camera since 2003. My daughter's is a 7.1 mega pixel (waterproof up to 10 feet and one hour and drop proof up to five feet). I've considered purchasing another camera, but I am still having a good time with this one. And, I don't worry too much about if I knock it around a bit. It's been knocked around.

It's beautiful weather in the Tuscarawas valley. Still on the warm side. I need to mow, but had company this evening. By the time they left, I was out of the mood. No energy, I mean. So, I took the camera outside instead. Sable loves it when I get my "Crocs" on. She knows that I am not going away, but I am going OUT.


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Before the rains


Yes the blooms were spectacular this year, but the rains came and beat my peonies to a pulp. The blooms were visible two, three days at the most and I didn't get many photos of them.

More rains brought in a cold front along with a doosie of a migraine this morning. I awoke at 6 a.m. and discovered the electricity was out. The wind was blowing. I stumbled around for a few minutes and then realized that I did not feel very well.

Stupid weather.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Heat drains me

A picture of the beautiful lake where I spent last evening. It was still over 80 degrees Fahrenheit when I arrived at the party. Yet, they felt the need to start a fire. Ugh. I moved my chair back as far as I could while still being a part of the group. Across the lake the pavilion had a band playing. They played a mix of Jimmy Buffet, Elvis, Alabama with a bit of The Electric Slide and The Macarena entwined into the evening.

My daughter went to a graduation party. It was way out in the country. I picked her up at a little bit after midnight. She wanted to stay all night. That would be 5 boys staying and 2 girls. I nixed it. She was a bit upset, but since she is 17, Mama still has the power.

I have about a half a dozen gnomes to add to my collection. My plants need all the help I can dig up. And, my collection of cosmetic bags has tripled. It is a strange collection. Some folks have a thing for shoes, some penguins, some folks like to collect dolls. Me? Cosmetic bags and totes. Who knew?

My daughter went with friends to see "You Don't Mess with the Zohan." Me? I'll pass on Sandler. I don't recall liking any of his movies all that much. Not enough to spend money on.

And this billionaire is reminding me of the book I just read about Charlie Wilson. Corruption.

My air conditioner can barely keep up with the heat. It is draining. A "do nothing" day. I worked out in it yesterday and Friday. My arm will barely move because of all the weed eating. I don't normally do that. Growing up I mowed the grass, but didn't have much experience with weed eaters and trimmers. I have a slight fear of them. I tackled the weed eating yesterday. Things were messy around the sidewalks and now they are nice and trim. But my arm is paying for it. And the humidity. Yowza. I'll try to tackle my fear of the electric trimmer next week. I bought the tools but I have never used them. My sister ran the weed eater for me before and a friend did, but nobody has used the trimmers. I use safety glasses, but I wore short pants. My ankles were stung quite a bit to say the least. I also broke down and purchased a pair of Crocs. I've seen folks wearing them and had no idea how comfortable they really are.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

My Grand Niece


Since my sister is her "Grand Mother", I get to be the "Grand Aunt". I like that. I always thought it was "Great Aunt." Here is the little one making a face at whoever she was going to throw the ball to at our Memorial day cook-out. She was quite the entertainer that day.

I saw her on Thursday night. We had ice cream. Her mother and grandmother (my niece and sister) were preparing for a garage sale for the week-end. I took a couple of boxes out to contribute to the sale. In the paper the next day, I read where some crazy guy held a young girl at gunpoint at another sale just around the corner from where were were. It happened earlier in the day. I was there in the evening. The young girl had a toddler with her at the sale, also. Fortunately, her grandfather was sitting in a secluded room of the house and came up behind the gunman and wrestled the gun from him. The story is quite moving.

We knew nothing about this story until last evening. My sister is finishing the sale today with her little granddaughter, but the guy is in jail. Tucked away. But scary to say the least.

I got the grass mowed last night. When I mow I wear headphones to drown out the awful noise of the mower. I hate loud noises especially the droning of the mower. At one point I heard the most awful screeching of tires. It brought neighbors out of their houses. I ran to the front yard certain to see some poor animal mangled in the road. I was so glad I tied Sable to the dogwood tree before I began mowing. My cats were all inside. I never let them out.

The entire road in front of my house was covered in smoke. Folks were standing on their porches looking around. I caught a glimpse of the old pick-up truck that laid the rubber. This young boy had stopped at our house to visit my daughter a week ago. She had not returned his call. I guess he was leaving his calling card. I just shook my head. She was at the movies with two other guy friends. I thought to myself and I "partially" quote Sugarloaf here, "You ain't bad kid, but I've seen it all before. Don't call us, child we'll call you."

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Elder Gnome


Elder Gnome says, "Eh. Your hostas did well this year, but I've got bad news for that hydrangea behind me to my left. Well, I don't think he's gonna make it." "And put a small potted marigold in my basket, would ya? I'm a little off balance here."

Okay. This week-end E.G. I'll give you a flower of your very own.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Under my poppies


With my head lying in the grass - ick. I shot this poppy from underneath. I shared some sky view with a spider that I was trying to keep out of my hair. He (or she) was hanging off of another poppy and the breeze kept blowing it back off course and it would swing dangerously close to my hair. I have a photo of the spider, but it didn't turn out all that well.

The heavy rain beat the tar out of my poppies, so they don't look like this any longer. They lost most of their bright orange petals and lay half beaten down close to the ground. I hesitated about posting a photo of my poor hydrangea. The newest plant I purchased looked great for about 5 days and then it scorched. I believe it was the aluminum sulfate. I overdid it. I feel too bad to post it's photo online. How embarrassing.

My nephew just called me. He is off to Micro Center to purchase a new scanner and hard drive. I don't have a store close to me (well, not Micro Center) but I can order online. It is probably a good thing that I don't have a store like that close to me. I could browse for hours. At least at home I get sidetracked.

I purchased myself a little treat today. Melissa Etheridge's Greatest Hits "The Road Less Traveled". Back in 1988 I worked a data entry job on a midnight shift and this radio station kept playing Melissa over and over again. I had just returned from my life in Virginia and ended a long-term relationship. I was ready to move on. I also purchased "Eagles:The Very Best of". One of my very favorite songs is "Seven Bridges Road."

My daughter sits at her computer listening to her music and I have my headphones on listening to Melissa. We make faces at one another every now and then. At least we aren't separated with each being in their own room. We are both out in the family area. When she wants to talk I take my headphones off and listen.

We are having a great time with her driving everywhere. She had a job interview yesterday. She got her first taste of a young manager asking her all kinds of questions about how passionate she was about her shoes. My daughter wants a job for the summer. This shoe store wanted a passionate tennis shoe professional. Today we went grocery shopping. She saw a classmate and we talked and joked for a few minutes. He was just a doll. She left the store with stars in her eyes. I said "See? It's still raining men."

She rolled her starry eyes. "I don't want a boyfriend, Mom."

That is A-Okay with me. I just want her to feel good about herself and to keep on smiling.

Okay, back to my music. "Baby you can sleep while I drive..."

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

All apologies


With sincere apologies to all parties, tell me if the above photo (at a quick first glance) does NOT look like Michael Douglas hugging Dakota Fanning? Well, it DID to me. LOL! I thought maybe it was a prison movie of sorts with the blue clothing.



No? How about that feathered-back hairstyle from the 70's ala Angel-fashion?

Monday, June 02, 2008

Fruit Pizza

This is from last week-end. The black things are blueberries, not black olives! Even though an olive is a fruit, I did not even think of putting them on this pizza. We have strawberries, kiwi, mandarin oranges and blueberries. I didn't even add the raspberries. It was overloaded as it was. I used the sugar cookie crust and the pie was gone in no time.

I am in a situation at work where I have to take the high road. Again. Since I work with the schools, we have started our summer hours. We knock an hour off the end of the day and go home an hour early. The organization that I work for staggers their hours. Some folks work 7:30 to 3:30 and some work 8:00 to 4:00.

Since our office has two workers, I always worked the late shift. My co-worker logs in from home to make it look like she is at the office at 7:30 and she strolls in at 8:00. Most of the time after I arrive. She still leaves at 3:30. I still stay until 4:00.

She is the ultimate kiss-ass. She doesn't care who knows it. She brags about playing up to the boss. She makes me ill.

So, it is the high road. I will feel better about myself. I will work all my hours and not cheat the organization OR my co-workers. The ones who also work their full shifts. Hey, I'm feeling better already.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Miserable

Do these kids look like they are having any fun?

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Another story from the book

Here is a yard ornament from my sister's house from last week-end. This blue orb is in her "touch-me-not" flower bed. Those flowers are just plain fun. We had them all over when we were growing up and as far as I can tell, she is the only sister that has continued the flower in our family. The seed pods burst when you squeezed them. There are dozens of little pods, so the flowers still thrive. I remember them from my childhood days.

Another story from the book, "Charlie Wilson's War." It was rather well-known around the Washington D.C. circuit not to make an enemy of Charlie Wilson. He was known for being a ruthless person. If you didn't do things his way, he got even with you.

I don't recall who had the say over who rides in the airplanes that a Congressman will ride on when going to a foreign country, but whoever it was put his foot down and would not allow Charlie's one girlfriend to ride on the plane. (Not Herring). Wives, family and assistants can go, but there was a rule that didn't allow friends and such. Most of the time, they let it slide. But this one guy didn't. It made Charlie angry. He was heading for Pakistan, so he called the King of Pakistan who flew his own private jet to pick Charlie and his lady-friend up so they could ride together. I don't know. Must have been some mile-high club quota that they had to ride together.

Anyway, Charlie fixed the airlines. He made an assistant ride in the government plane with the luggage and he made the plane ride right alongside the plane from Pakistan just to carry the luggage and the assistant. The assistant (a man) was in tears pleading with the pilots and the crew not to be angry at him - that Charlie was making him do this.

And, he held them up so that the crew and pilot missed some kind of company picnic. Now that I recall the story, it may have been the CIA's plane.

The movie made more of Herring than the book did. Herring moved on to a more wealthy man after she got the ball rolling with Charlie and Afghanistan. Charlie didn't stay true to one woman for very long. Not very surprising there, given his character type. Boozer, womanizer, party goer, spender, swindler, ... makes a great representative for the government.

I didn't really mean to sound cruel when I suggested that Julia Roberts should not have played Herring. If you look at photos of Herring, she looks pinched and fake. She looks as if she has china doll features and is delicate. Julia, on the other hand looks healthy, strong and natural.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Poppy Trio

Doin' their stuff


Whatever it is that ants do to peonies. Must be something sweet on the bud of the peony to attract them. I will have nice big fluffy pink blooms by the week-end. Some are bursting. And, my poppies are blooming, I'll have photos of them, too.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Trimmed front bushes

On May 20th I posted a photo of my front bushes before they were trimmed, here is the after shot. Much neater. Not a great amount taken off, but they do look better. This photo was taken before I mowed. Which I did this evening.

I was able to watch "Mad Money" last evening. In bits and pieces between chores and company. It was an okay movie. There were a couple of parts that made me laugh. But, don't they record the serial numbers of the money before they destroy it? Wouldn't they have that as hard evidence? I don' t know.

It is raining men. Or, half-grown men anyway. The word is out that my daughter is single again and after about a month of her being depressed and very down, they are crawling out of the woodwork. Old boyfriends, new boyfriends and just plain guy friends. I have not heard her laugh and carry on so much in weeks. Mom is trying very hard to reign her in. No rebounds! There is no hurry. But, to a 17-year-old it would be the epitome of disaster for her boyfriend to be seen with another girl before she can find a guy. I guess.

Oh. And we are driving, now. The little green car is now the proud owner of a window sticker that states very matter of factly "STUDENT DRIVER." Which to Mom means "BACK THE F&*$ OFF!" Very exciting 'round here.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

My take on "Charlie Wilson's War"

Why do they hate us? I finished reading the book "Charlie Wilson's War" and this is my version of what I got from the book:

Before Charlie Wilson got involved with the Soviets invading Afghanistan the US CIA was pussy-footing around the issue. Sending just enough so that it looked like we were helping the Afghanistan cause, but not enough to really help them at all.

It was suggested that the CIA wanted revenge on the Soviet Union. They wanted this to be their "Viet Nam." They wanted to bleed the Soviets dry as they had done to America during the Viet Nam war.

So when Charlie came with his group, of course he thought he was doing the right thing. As did the group that assisted him. It was indeed horrible what was being done to the Afghanistan people.

There were many lucky events that helped Charlie to run his covert operation in the 80's. Two major ones were the Iran-Contra affair and Chernobyl. Both events took the limelight away form anything going on in Afghanistan.

After the Soviets pulled out of Afghanistan (a few years after Charlie and his helpers working hard to get sufficient weapons over there) the militants felt as if they were forgotten. Then they found out that America had used them as a revenge tactic against the Soviet Union. As if the Americans were not really interested in helping them (at least until Charlie came along) and used them as pawns in a horrible war to bleed the Russians.

The militants asked for aid to help rebuild their country after the Soviets left. Of course we supplied "our kind" of aid. Medical supplies and hygiene. The last thing the men wanted was for us to educate the women and teach or to provide them with health care. Next would be "sex education" and "family planning". It was a disaster and they began attacking our AID vehicles and people.

After supplying the mujaheed with millions of dollars every year (Saudi Arabia matched us dollar for dollar) to fight the Russians our government stopped cold turkey one year - 1991. Charlie managed to sneak a bill in and in 1992 the US gave Afghanistan 200 million. The Russians were gone, the mujaheed were fighting amongst themselves.

And, they were trafficking in drug trade. Huge.

What would come out of the rubble? What hole the CIA left in Afghanistan with the millions of dollars of weapons hidden in the mountains and caves drew Muslims from far and wide to this beginning of a mighty and fearsome group of jihad.

Charlie regrets nothing. He firmly believes that this action in the 80's prevented WWIII. He may well be right. It could be that the CIA thought the mujaheed would burn themselves out after America pulled out their gravy train. Didn't happen.

It seemed to the Islams that the Soviet Union wanted world domination in so much as attempting to claim all the oil fields of the Middle East - beginning by wiping out Afghanistan. Then, the Islams believed the the US was after world domination and wanted to claim the oil fields. They claim they can topple one super power, they will topple another. They claim it was Allah that helped them to win, not the millions of dollars pumped into the cause or the stash of technically advanced weaponry by America and Saudi Arabia.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day Tribute

Today I chose to research and read about women who have fallen in the line of duty. My tribute is for Sharon Lane. She was from Canton, Ohio. She was a tireless nurse in the Vietnam war. She fell on June 8, 1969 shortly before her 26th birthday from shrapnel from a rocket that landed in the hospital she was working in.

Come on, keep up!


She has four legs, I have two. We went visiting over the week-end and folks who have never seen her or have not seen her for a long time said "That is one fat dog!" I say "She isn't fat, her legs are short!" My daughter says "She's fat because Mom keeps feeding her people food!"

Okay. I'll start again. No more people food. Well, no more after the left over eggs and bacon we gave her a few moments ago. Somebody gave her a green onion Saturday and she was sick all day Sunday. Sigh. Drunks. This photo was from early Sunday morning.

And, before the Amish buggies whisked by us on their way to Sunday services. Sable was quite frightened of them. I don't sleep well at other folks' houses so I was up early Sunday and decided that it was such a beautiful morning and I was out in the country, why not take a walk and get some photos along the way? That is exactly what I did. On the way back to my sister's house the Amish came trotting up the road and poor Sable thought she was done for.

I did not have a collar or a leash on her. She can barely walk some days and she listens to me very well. Not one car came along the road. The country road pictured above is where my sister has lived for more than 35 years. There were perhaps 3 houses back then. Now there are a dozen.

Living in the "sticks" has it's advantages and it's disadvantages. You can think of the advantages. The beautiful scenery. On my walk I was drowning in the smell of sweet country grass and woods that I do not recall smelling for quite a long time. It was very heady. The solitude and the serene atmosphere. The privacy. All wonderful perks.

The downside for me would outweigh the advantages. Poor roads and difficulty getting out in the winter. Isolation from medical help and the law. (might be an advantage to some not to have the law around! LOL!). Telephone, cable and electrical problems. It is a fact. The utility companies do not give folks like this as much attention as they do for people in town. There is not enough money coming from the end of this long and isolated lane for them to put in decent equipment or to spend any significant amount of time repairing things.

My sister has a satellite dish for television. She had a phone with a "party" line until the mid-80's. Do you remember a "party line?" It was very bizarre to me. Sometimes she would want to make a call and when she picked up the phone, you could hear other folks talking. You would either ask them to get off the line or try again later. Wow. She has a private line now, but sometimes when her telephone is out, she doesn't even know it until she picks it up to make a call. When somebody calls her, it just rings and rings when her phone is down. Forget cellular phones out here.

Internet is very new to her and completely erratic. She has been without service for a week now until the company she hooked up with (wireless) gets over their cold and can come out, climb her old T.V. antenna and troubleshoot the problem. He has been out a dozen times to work on her signal. Or lack thereof. I told her when the trees started to fill in, she would be down a lot. She is up high on a ridge and this company could "see" the water tower in town so they set her up with wireless. That was the middle of winter. She is frustrated to say the least.

When her electricity goes out, it is out for hours. I love the country. It's a nice place to visit. Now, excuse me while I go and check Sable for ticks. Ugh.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Cheese Ball


For years. I wish I had kept count. I do know that I have dozens of little glass Kraft Old English jars in my cupboards. Dozens. I would give them away, I even threw a few away. Cringe. Solid glass. They make great juice glasses. Two ingredients in my cheese ball. Two. Not counting the walnuts and maraschino cherry. Kraft Philadelphia cream cheese and Kraft Old English jar cheese. With a dark blue lid.

You will see some recipes that add garlic salt and Worcestershire sauce. All are okay, but I find out you really don't need them. I always serve my cheese balls with Keebler's Club crackers. They are the firmest cracker that will withstand a cheese spreader pushing on it. Ritz and Townhouse crumble under the pressure. They taste just as good, but club crackers are tougher.

I have discovered that it isn't worth walking into a party or a get together sans cheese ball. I can't handle the look of disappointment on some folks faces. Because it is so darn easy for me to make one, I just take one, regardless. The very few times I have been asked "Did you bring your cheese ball?", and I didn't, just to see their faces fall - reminds me each and every time. Just do it. Just make one. Sometimes it does not turn out very well, but they don't care. It usually tastes the same. The one above came out near perfect. The weather has to be right. Maybe the ingredients have to be fresh. I have to leave the cheese out just the right amount of time before I mix them together. Too long and I will have soup. I have to leave it uncovered in the refrigerator just the right length of time or it will have a hard crusty edge. Yuck.

This is for tomorrow's cook-out at my sister's house. I am travelling to another sister's house today for a visit. We are going to make a fruit pizza to take to the cook-out. I have never made one, so I hope to take pictures.

Tabor's post for Saturday, May 24th reminds me of the chapter I read in "Charlie Wilson's War" by George Crile. Seems Charlie drank too much one evening and drove to his townhouse. Leaving Washington D.C. towards Virginia he hit another vehicle. He kept driving to his townhouse. He had to look out his driver's side window to see the road. That is how smashed up the front end of his car was.

Beside the fact that this is a horrible act of irresponsibility (especially for a man of Congress), what bothered me the most was how it was handled. Or, how it wasn't. He was scheduled to fly out of the country the next day. He hid from the police by not answering his door. He called his assistants (or whatever they were) and it was swept under the rug. The driver of the other car was not injured. I think. It wasn't real clear. His car was smashed up pretty bad and Charlie's people paid for the damage. Charlie laughed about it later. I have only followed the next chapter where he gets to go on out of the country as scheduled. It appears as if nothing happened at all. Not a thing was done to this S.O.B. This was NOT in the movie.

Get this. "Federal law prohibits local authorities from arresting a national legislator on his way to or from Congress." When Charlie called his lawyer from his townhouse (while the police were banging on his door) the lawyer advised him to drive directly to Congress the next morning and they couldn't touch him. Then there was a fine line about hitting the car in one police station's jurisdiction and his townhouse being located in another. Wilson had friend's on the police department. He told them that he was saving the world from Communism and HAD to catch the plane in the morning and that there might be substantial raises in store for the District police. Charlie recounted this statement years later and laughed about it.

The Pentagon provided an escort officer to take him to his plane. His administrative assistant handled everything for him. He told the police and the press and the boy who was driving the car that "Charlie thought he'd hit a bridge railing and came on home." Which means that the Congressman would NOT have checked to see if the driver of the car was okay. Wilson laughed later saying that the kid was new in town and didn't know that he could have really caused some problems for him.

Oh, and the administrative assistant? He finally had it with Charlie. He moved along to another position later. He had fixed everything for Mr. Charlie Wilson one too many times.

This sickens me. I said it after I watched the movie and thought maybe I would feel different after I read the book. So far, I don't. "Charlie Wilson is NO hero."

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Peeking Gato


42 days ago I was packing my sister's crap up. Gato was supposed to help me, remember? Well, here he is, goofing off. "Get out of there, Gato!"

My computer at home is acting wonky. My video card died on my Linux server at work. Or, something. I connected my PC monitor to the server and it did the same thing. The graphics are gone and completely screwed up. I set up a Linux server and learned just enough so that I could get a web page running and ftp. I went to load java on the browser and it all went downhill from there. Crapola. I never had the graphics right anyway. Not that into Linux troubleshooting.

My daughter passed her permit test today. I told her if she got her permit, I'd let her get her nails done. Talk about Mama bird pushing the baby out of the nest. I am reduced to bribing. She chose black nail polish. Then she went job hunting at the mall. All the ones who were listed as hiring told her "Go on-line and fill out an application. We don't give out paper applications anymore."

She refuses to work around food. Tell me about it. I can barely get her to make her own macaroni and cheese. The one time I went to show her how to bake a frozen pizza she dropped it between the inside of the oven and the oven door. How the heck? It wasn't easy, but she managed to slide it right between and the pizza ended up (still frozen) sliding into the door on the bottom. Yeah. A real disaster in the kitchen.

While waiting at the mall I started reading "Bringing Down the House." So much more interesting than "Charlie Wilson's War." But, I am still reading it, too.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Bringing Down the Ho


What a title for my blog, eh? Well, that is the e-mail from my library. I had reserved another book from one of the movies I saw last month. "21" is based on the book "Bringing Down the House". They abbreviated. I found that amusing where they decided to cut the word off.

Here is another shot of my shrubs before they were trimmed. This is the long shot going up the front sidewalk. He couldn't cut back too much because there is a lot of dead brush underneath. He was afraid he would kill them. He especially made some room for the azaleas to breathe. See how the one on the left is scrunched up?

I am plodding through the middle of "Charlie Wilson's War." I am at the boring part where the author is giving background information on some of the CIA members. I need to wrap up that book and dig into the one I picked up today. I didn't even crack "Schindler's List", yet. I know the movie was titled "list" but I thought that I read somewhere the book was "Schindler's Ark." Huh.

June looks to be full of graduation parties. Some years I have more than others. A big wedding coming up in October. We've been waiting for this couple to marry for a long time. My nephew is a perfectionist. I guess he wanted to wait until he graduated college and obtained a more stable job. The girlfriend pushed the "ultimatum" button last winter and she got her ring at Christmas. Well, it must have been good luck for him. He just graduated with a Mechanical Engineering degree (with distinction) and landed a brand new job.

I went grocery shopping this evening. I tried to cut back and buy smarter. I've been so annoyed with prices that I have put off going for a while. So, we were out of a lot of stuff. So much for savings. Reminds me of the 80's when I first moved out of state away from family and had to watch every penny at the grocery store. Gas was cheap back then. I try to break up my shopping. Dairy, fruit, canned goods and vegetables at the grocery store. Boxed goods and toiletries at the Wallet-mart, and meat at the meat store. If I go on separate days I spread it out over a period of time instead of punching a hole in the checkbook all at one stop.

Sigh. Almost everybody is pinching all over America. We are a bruised nation. I can see the other countries now, throwing their heads back and sniffing, saying to themselves "It's about time America felt some pain!" We are the "preps" at school who are finally getting theirs.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Before the trimming


Here are the front bushes before they were trimmed on Saturday. I don't have the "after" photos yet. I need to get out there tomorrow or this week to get those. It looks like a beautiful week-end coming up. I am booked every day except for Monday. Shh. Don't tell. I imagine I will have my nephew and daughter here and we will cook on the grill. That's okay. That I can do.

The gazing ball in the middle was made for me by a good friend. The base has chipped away. She told me I could leave it out all year long. :( The ball is still beautiful and perfect but it is attached to the base. They are ceramic. I have no idea how to separate them without destroying the ball.

Of course when I do outside work, inside work gets neglected and vice versa. I just got my kitchen cleaned up for the umpteenth time. It seems like I just can't keep up with it all and work full time too. Don't even look at my car. I took it in today for a new timing belt and meant to clean it out before letting the garage have it all day. Oh my. It was messy.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Poppy pod


One set of poppies will be blooming shortly and there are about 15 pods on the plants. I hope at least 10 bloom at the same time. Big bright orange blossoms. My peonies are coming along also. My azaleas were great this year.

I can barely move. Did a lot of yard work today. Put another hydrangea in the ground and flooded both my older plant and the new one with the the sulfur that will hopefully make them very blue. I'll take pictures if they bloom.

I have notified all family and friends that our town is setting off fireworks on Saturday the 5th this year and to mark it on their calendars. I want them to make it if they can.

My daughter and I watched "Boys Don't Cry" this week-end. I don't really like movies like this. I do think that Swank did an outstanding job portraying a boy. It bothers me that there are still folks that treat others so cruelly.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Baby of Audrey II

My peonies remind me of the blood-sucking plant from "Little Shop of Horrors". I have titled this one the baby of Audrey II. We like this movie. Levi Stubbs, the lead singer of The Four Tops played the voice of Audrey II. "Feed me! Feed me!"``

I received a letter from my sister. Sure enough, as soon as she is tucked away behind bars, the wife of the father of her daughter (the child with autism) files for adoption papers. My sister has access to a dinky typewriter and the number "1" does not work, so she mailed me the letter and asked me to re-type it. Which I did without hesitation.

Still dark and wet here in Ohio. I have flowers to plant, maybe tomorrow. A lot going on this week and the weather is not co-operating. I guess I'll be planting in the rain.

I am off to Amish country tonight to feast and shop. I doubt that I'll purchase anything, though. After purchasing the gas and my meal, I'd better save my money to pay bills. I'll still have a good time because I will be with great friends.

An interesting sentence from "Charlie Wilson's War":

"A bizarre mix of unsophisticated weapons was being handed over to tribesmen in sandals with no formal military training." (mujahideen).

And, this one:

"CIA strategists accepted the invasion as an unfortunate, irreversible fact of life."

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Us Country Folk


I met my sister after work today and we went to a little fair in a nearby town. She worked at the Post Office there today and found out they were having their little town fair this week. She told me to meet her and we would go down, get some fair food and listen to the evening entertainment which was a Lip Syncing contest.

Even before the show this girl stood out. She had just come down the big slides. She won the lip syncing contest. Guess what song? Hank Juniors "A Country Boy Can Survive." She was cute.

I was going to work through my lunch today - just because I didn't want to go anywhere and I checked my personal e-mail. The library had notified me that "Charlie Wilson's War" was waiting for me. I booked it for the library (like that? My Mom would) and picked it up. I started reading it and could hardly put it down to go back to work.

I left it in the car and I suppose after my computer work is caught up I'll retrieve it and read until probably midnight tonight or so.

Here is something weird and off the wall. I dreamt that I had sex with Simon Crowell last night. I don't normally say the "F" word, but WTF?! I don't even watch American Id0l.

Ugh, sorry. I just Googled his picture. Not pretty. My deep fried veggies are trying to come back up. And, it is Cowell, I guess. Cripes. I slept with the man, you would think I could get his name right. LOL!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Glorious


My magenta azaleas are blooming all out this year for the first time in six years! I trimmed them back a good bit last fall and I guess maybe that is was did the trick. I dunno. I'll do the same this year hoping that I have found the key. My Mom didn't grow azaleas.

I have a new azalea bush to plant (my daughter got me for Mother's Day). It's a beaut.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

One Touch

I have mentioned before that I am a "Hard Sell." I am very skeptical. I see something on T.V. and I say "It doesn't work like that!" More or less trying to convince my daughter not to fall for any sale pitch.

At a friend's house I had the chance to use the above can opener. I ran out and bought one. So much for my wisdom, eh? It works differently than any other opener I have owned. It removes the entire rim from the can. I sit the opener on top of the can and push the big black button. It starts itself, it moves itself and it stops itself. I found out at my friend's house not to even bother touching it until it stops itself. I tried to stop it and it would not let go of the lid. Now, I just push the button and forget about it until it stops. I pick the opener up with the lid and it drops the lid.

The can is a little funky afterwards though. It loses it's shape a bit without the rim of the lid. It is kind of cardboardy and wobbly. I think that it promises no sharp edges, but I have not tested it yet. I am still a newbie with it.

Dinner tonight: Tuna Noodle casserole. No peas. What the heck?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Facing me


The Eagle is not facing an olive branch or a talon of arrows. It is facing me. How long can I try to dodge it's gaze? This one looks a little weary and sad.

I couldn't get the book "Charlie Wilson's War" from the library. I had to order it from another. I am second on the list to reserve it. I did pick up a couple I wanted to read or at least look over. Along with that a couple of books on managing people and one bio of Rain Pryor. "Fair Game" by Valerie Plame Wilson and "Schindler's List".

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Tired Hands

There are so many things a Mother does. Being the youngest of 8 here are some "mom" stories I recall. My Mom was born in 1920 in a log cabin in WV. This was pretty much "country folk." Her Mother did not marry. My Mom was not pleased when I chose the same route. I did not leave my child for my parents to raise, however where hers did. This post is not about me.

My Mom grew up on a farm where they raised lambs. Her grandfather was a no-nonsense farmer and didn't think twice about killing off any unwanted puppies or kittens in a harsh and barbarian way.

My Mother only used an automatic washing machine at the Laundromat. Or rather, the type we are familiar with. She used a washboard early on. My oldest sister married in the late 60's and her husband worked for the H00ver company. They purchased a little washing machine that my mom used for 30 some years. It was avocado green.




I found this photo on the web at www.automaticwasher.org. Kudos to them for the memory. The green you see inside was the color of the unit my Mom had in her kitchen.

I literally had to wrestle this job from her in the early 80's. My Mom never let us do much in the kitchen. I am not exactly sure why. Basically the only cooking job I had was to mash the potatoes for Sunday dinner. I remember that if my Mom boiled the potatoes in the black coated pot, I had trouble keeping the black flecks out of the potatoes. Most of the time we used cheap, aluminum pots and iron skillets.

I can remember my Mom hauling the clothes out of the washing bin and into the spinner on the right. She was not a large woman. Her clothes were tiny and light. Her children's were another story. I can only imagine how she felt washing jeans. I remember the smell of Lestoil she would use on my brother's jeans and work clothes.

She did have an automatic dryer in the kitchen. (Also in avocado green!) On wash days she would wheel the little portable washing machine on wheels over to the kitchen sink and wash away. I remember mornings waking up to the sound of that spinner and it shaking the house. She always reached her hand in to get the clothes out before the dang thing stopped spinning. And she let the hose drain into the sink instead of back into the washing bin. She said the clothes were too dirty to do that. I can still see the gray bent hose pumping the water out, purging it into our kitchen sink.

And I will never forget the smell of water that has sat in a rubber tube for a week.

Thank you to all who had made the job of washing clothes easier for Mom's and everybody else.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Blow 'em a kiss


I watched "Charlie Wilson's War". Of course, now I want to read the book. A couple of months ago I watched "The Kingdom" and more recently "Iron Man". The latter hitting on the subject of selling weapons of mass destruction.

Charlie mentioned titles such as Charlie's Angels, Dr. Dirty, the Liberal from Lufkin, Mujahideen, and above is a sample of the car Ms. Herring drives around Houston - red Jaguar convertible. She said somebody flipped her off and she just blew them a kiss. How utterly prissy. What a parade queen.

How easy it must have been for those raised in such wealthy and lavish conditions to visit poor Afghanistan and wave their magic wands. Dust off the sand and dirt upon returning to America on their multi-million dollar jets and getting back into their bubbly hot tubs and in-ground pools.

The movie makes me hate politics even more. Oily, drunken, greedy liars. I don't find anything heroic about Charlie Wilson. I'll read the book and perhaps I'll change my mind. The Ms. Herring was even more of a disaster. Let her drive her red jaguar convertible on the dusty roads of Afghanistan and blow them a kiss.

Who in the world thought that Julia Roberts should play Herring? I see nothing similar about them at all. It looks like Roberts was trying to parody her Ocean's role. Dress up and act rich. She is built like a leggy colt with strong facial features, not a dainty and uppity socialite with a little doll's face.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Soon to be orange


My tiger lilies will soon be bright orange. For now they are bright green. I have somebody bringing a truck full of mulch in for my front and side yard area. He will also trim the bushes for the first time since I moved here. That should be some job. Well, I did trim them the first two years, but with hand held clippers. Not electric. Hopefully, they will get a good clean trim. I should do a before and after.

My azaleas are brighter this year. I trimmed them down a good bit last fall. I didn't even get the chance to give them fertilizer. I wonder - is it too late?

I have a regional meeting tomorrow about 75 minutes away. Ugh. I don't want to go. I have to be there at 8:30 in the morning. There will be one highlight. A new tech person is going to speak about DNS. This ought to be good.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Empty hand


As if saying "Hey! I can hold another chip in this hand."

A year ago I attended a derby party held outside. This photo was taken a year ago today. Or tomorrow. I can't recall if the properties of the photo depict the date the picture was taken or the date I uploaded it to my computer.

My daughter and I have been reading famous and funny eulogies on the web. It stems from a school project she is doing. Some I have seen before. What is really strange are the "last words" if you can believe them.

Like Billy the Kid's were "Who is it?"

How bizarre is that?!

And Princess Diana's were "What happened?"

Really?

Or, James Dean's was "That guy's got to stop... he'll see us."

Are they true? I don't know.

Well, I am sure there are stranger ways to spend a Tuesday evening at home.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Good Golly

I mowed today and have a bit of a headache. After mowing we watched AFV where I literally laughed my head off. It's true. It fell off and rolled across the floor. My daughter had to pick it up and put it back on my neck. It has been hurting ever since. That's right folks. Laughing hurts.

My sister came up yesterday and we hit a derby/birthday party yesterday. We arrived too late for the derby since we have to travel the farthest. I am kind of glad I missed this one. Heartbreaking what I heard about the one horse.

It was a good crowd with good food and spirits.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Movies



While looking for a picture of my bird, Peru to post, I came across a video and I thought to myself, 'Hey. You have not uploaded a video yet.' So, here we are. Very boring.

Saw Iron Man last night. Very good. I liked it. I have always liked RD Jr. Actually, I have only seen him in a couple of movies so there you have that for what it is worth. Home For the Holidays and maybe one more.

The movie is about a businessman who manufactures and sells weapons of mass destruction. When he is demonstrating his latest and greatest in the caves of a Mideastern country his party is ambushed and all are killed except for him. He is up close and personal with a rocket that is going to blow up and ironically he sees the name of his company on the weapon before it explodes. During his 3 month ordeal as a prisoner he changes form the self-centered and selfish brat of a rich playboy to a humanitarian. Realizing that his weapons are actually falling into the wrong hands he decides to change his ways and try to fix some of the damage that has been done.

My very favorite line in the movie is when his dedicated secretary (played by Gwyn P) brings the clothes of his latest one-night stand and tells her that Tony is at work and here are her clothes freshly dry-cleaned. In other words "Get out honey, your purpose here is over." The tart jibes that this secretary is still picking up Tony's dry cleaning. To which Gwyn's character retorts "I do whatever Tony needs me to do, and sometimes that includes taking out the trash." Ouch!

My daughter had read on-line a bit telling us to stay after the credits for a surprise. (Spoiler ahead) It was Tony Stark (RD's character) coming home and walking into a dimly lit room and seeing somebody in the shadow. That person spoke and when he came into the light you could see that it was Samuel Jackson. Looks like they are already planning a sequel.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Day 2


Here is my office window. I am on day 2 of a migraine. I took Imitrex yesterday morning about 5:30 a.m. I guess I'll take another one. I have a dr. appointment in 30 minutes. I figure let her see me with my migraine eyes. They look every second of their 47.9 years, and then some.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

First hair cut

My grand nephew had his first hair cut the other day. Two years old. He is holding the car keys. That is the equivalent of his security blanket. He also likes cell phones and will have nothing to do with the toy versions. It has to be the real thing.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Another wallpaper

Another wallpaper from my new collection.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Medical Insurance


Here is another desktop wallpaper that I downloaded a week or so ago.

I received in the mail yesterday the bill for my daughter's anesthesia. The original charge was for $880.00. My Medical Megachew paid $488.67. The "Anesthesia , Inc." then adjusted the bill and subtracted $297.00, leaving me with a $94.33 balance to pay.

I wonder. How does this "adjustment" policy work? Do they jack up the price and see what the insurance company is going to pay and then bring it back down to the "normal" charge? What the hell is the adjustment? Maybe I'll call and ask them just to see what their explanation is.

Never mind. I found an explanation:

5. Why did my billing statement have an adjustment amount?
"Adjustment" (discount) refers to the portion of your bill that your hospital or doctor has agreed not to charge. Insurance companies pay hospital charges at discounted rate. The amount of the discount is specific to each insurance company. When the insurance company pays their portion, the discounted amount (adjustment) is taken off to show the true amount due from the patient (co-insurance). For example, a hospital may charge $10,000 for a surgery that your insurance has agreed to only pay $2,500. Of that $2,500, the patient would have to pay $500 if the patient's responsibility is 20%. After the insurance pays $2,000 and patient pays $500, the remaining $7,500 would be the adjustment.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

It's criminal


Here is a photo of my basement shortly after I bought my house. We held the kids birthday parties down there because they were born in the cooler months. The outdoors was still too chilly to celebrate there. My daughter turned 17 earlier this month. It broke my heart that I could not be with her.

If somebody enters your home and assaults your child you have every right to defend them and knock the crap out of the criminal. You would call the police and have their carcass hauled away. But, when somebody (or a group of people) attack your child emotionally causing and intending to inflict pain, there isn't a heck of a lot you can do. Comfort, console.

We are talking 16 and 17 year olds. It isn't like I can call up Johnnie's Mom and whine "Johnnie hurt my daughter's feelings. She is crying inconsolably and no matter what I say she is hurt and she is asking me 'why me?' " Truthfully, I'd like to go and kick Johnnie and his friends' arses from here to Alaska. But there is this law protecting minors. I always told my daughter, you handle the 18 and unders and let me handle the ones over 18.

Some girl started a rumor about her and my daughter's boyfriend. My daughter was devastated. She got 3 of my daughter's so-called "friends" to back up her story. The boyfriend denied it, but it was a wild couple of nights. She tried very hard to get to the bottom of the matter, and we think we have. The nastiness of it all. I told her what I would do. I would have told them all to go to he!! and be done with the lot of them. But, she is not me. Thank goodness.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The green is beautiful


Yes, the green is beautiful. This one is from a back road during a summer a couple of years back. The green in my yard is beautiful, yet annoying. I cut the grass, now I am working around the edges on the weeds and overgrowth. It was very warm outside. I caved in and turned the air on when I came inside. Now I am cold. How spoiled we are.

The days pass quickly and are full of things to do. Insurance paperwork, bills to pay, kitchens to tidy up, debris in the living room. Pets to tend to. I took Sable (dog) to the vet the other day. She was tested for heart worm and being cleared of the disease, we began her preventative medicine. We also picked up some soft chews for her back legs. If it is arthritis, then this medicine has more to treat her with than the OTC brand I have been purchasing. She also got an allergy shot so hopefully she will be feeling quite well for the spring.

Work is also on the busy side, but just until mid-May. There are spurts of work here and there in my occupation but in this circumstance every school network must be audited and I was off for a month. My area has more schools than the others and I suppose I am going to have to break down and ask for help. I am stubborn in the fact that I want to do it all myself. Ah, well.

The calendar is quickly filling up with dinners and parties and cook-outs and get togethers. I seriously am considering staying put this summer because of the stupid gas prices. I have always complained that my yard always looks a mess because I am off visiting. Those who never visit anyone but want everyone to come to their house have the most beautiful lawns. What really cracks me up is when they don't stop working on their lawn when you come to visit and some even have the balls to hand you a rake or spade. Do they really need to ask me why I don't come to visit more often? Seriously!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Here's your sign

Well. I know it had been a while since I stayed in a motel room, but really. I know. I was beyond tired. There's my excuse. I came back to my room after a long day at the hospital with my nephew to discover that the lamp in my room didn't work. I called the front desk. "My lamp doesn't work, I need a new bulb." "Okay, I'll bring one up."

Stupid. I walked over to the hall and turned the light on with the switch. I called and cancelled the replacement bulb. I thought of asking her for a sign that I could hang around my neck, Jeff Foxworthy style. Then again, I wonder why she didn't suggest that I try the switch on the wall.

This was at the beginning of the month. I just found my camera and photos. I didn't take many pictures since most of my time was spent in the hospital. Their security was pretty tight, being a Children's hospital and all. Next to my nephew in the ICU was the tiniest baby. It was so sad.

One time I came out of the family room (stocked with sports furniture, t.v., kitchenette, washers/dryers, showers and a few computers) and witnessed a little girl racing down the hallway on a Big Wheelie. Her father lagged far behind. She gave me a whimsical look as she whizzed past. She stopped and turned at the cafeteria. I said to her father "She knows her way, huh?" He gave me a tolerant look. "We've been here for months." Oh.

I received our electric bill today. I said to my daughter "Hey! Our electric bill went down thirty dollars!" Oh. We weren't here. Another 'Here's your sign' moment.

I was able to mow the grass today. My little gas can was full. I wonder how much gas was when I filled it up. $2.65? It is $3.55 here today. To find the cheapest gas near you, go to www.gasbuddy.com. Choose your state, county and city.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Lazy fun


I didn't take this picture. I downloaded free wallpaper for my computer at home today. This was one of the abstract ones that I picked. It kind of makes me thirsty.

There are about 3 houses on our street that do not have their lawn mowed, yet. Me, my neighbor and the people directly across from us. I took my daughter to get some supplies for a school experiment and then we did grocery shopping. I collapsed when I got home. My daughter made fun of me in the grocery store. We can really make some funny noises when we are trying to suppress a cough. She would make me laugh. Laughing makes me cough. Coughing and/or laughing hard made my chest hurt. Remind me not to take my daughter with me when I am sick.

It was a very easy day at work. People left me alone. I am sure that they are all waiting until the same day to attack me with their needs.

My daughter is enjoying her birthday present.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

General malaise

It all hit me today. I don't imagine I will be a ball of energy anytime soon, either.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Wax on

I washed and waxed this black demon today. (this photo is from about six months ago). I also washed and waxed a silver Stratus. I have a sunburn on the top of my head where my hair has become thin. I am not at home so I do not have my usual stuff that I would wear to protect myself. Ahhh. 24 hours, no?

My sister said that when I come to pick up my daughter, how about if we have a girl's night and I spend the night? Is she for real? I have not been home (except for two nights last week-end) in three weeks. Forget that! I am going home and I am not going out other than for work and grocery shopping until my nephew comes down and we are all going to go and see "Ironman".

We saw "21" tonight. Pretty good. Now, I want to read the book. I may not be posting for the next couple of days. Not sure my arms are going to work. Wax on, wax off.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I caught it

A bad cold. Right in the middle of staying with my nephew. Who just had open-heart surgery. Certainly my germs cannot be good for him. I am trying to keep it clean. I keep wiping everything I touch with lysol wipes. Faucet handles. Doorknobs, cupboards, refrigerator handles.

We watched Alvin and the Chipmunks last night and Sweeney Todd tonight. Alvin was cute, and Todd was gruesome. Very dark and twisted.

We are planning to see "21" tomorrow night.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sometimes

Sometimes I sit and I think that three days ago, I was doing this. And, I say to myself 'in that same amount of time, this will all be over.' Sometimes I have to say "in a week" or a month.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Tortoiseshell fur

This is Gato. My nephew's cat. I first called her a brindle, but now I realize that she is a tortoiseshell coated cat.

She adopted my nephew. Somebody removed her front claws.

She is a sweet one. She was supposed to be helping me clean, but she played while I worked. Here she is in an empty dresser drawer.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

My sister's mess


Day one of the cleaning begins.

When my nephew scheduled his open heart surgery my sister was in jail. Jail is different than prison. Before her "ordeals" I did not know this. I thought they were one and the same. I have also discovered that this incident is number 10 for her.

So, now she is back in prison.

I told my nephew I would help him to clean up her stuff since he can't move very well or lift anything. In fact a walk tires him out. He is napping. I am trying to figure out how to cram her stuff into totes and/or boxes. Yet again. It is usually me or her son that cleans up her mess. Never her. She will complain to the person who "didn't" clean up that they threw all her stuff away. I say "Impossible." She has started over so many times, she should have a world record.



How can I put this? My sister keeps notebooks. Dozens of three-ring binders full of construction paper with photographs out of magazines. She goes through thousands of sheets of plastic page protectors. She has each one labeled by the year. I try not to look at them. She is obsessed with make-up and health ideas. Kind of ironic, isn't it? For someone who is an alcoholic. I have put about 26 bottles of old vitamins and mineral supplements down the garbage disposal today.

She has medications. I have no idea how they manage that in prison. I guess she sees a doctor, but I am not certain how soon. She certainly cannot take any with her.

She is a night owl. I have boxes of OTC sleep medications. Scarves, hair bands, trinkets, cheap costume jewelry. I swear she has a serious problem with lids. There are no lids on her lipsticks or eyeliners. Her make-up was probably purchased at the Good Will and bargain bins. She has pictures of herself everywhere. In sexy teddies, stuff like that. She never emptied her trash can, if stuff even made it to the trash. Certainly there must be a disorder for all of this mess.

Sigh. Back to it.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Fair weather

Fair weather is here.
Headache around the corner.
Can feel it coming.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Post surgery


It is very important that the patient keeps their lungs clear after open heart surgery. That cough. That pain. That agony. I cringe. I hear. I want the pain to stop. I worry. Above is a device that the patient uses to blow into so that they can keep the air pockets around their lungs open.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Halls of a hospital

Overheard in the hall.

"I have tried on 60 dresses. I was the only 18-year old bride-to-be who isn't pregnant."

"Sixty dresses?! Sixty!"

"Yes, sixty."

"I only tried on about 10 when I got married."

Wow.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Roller coast emotions

I am in the middle of a roller coaster. I am experiencing just about every emotion that can be felt. My family is notorious for burying their feelings. We don't do emotions very well.

I go from intense rage to the pits of despair. At one point today a Dr. brought in two doctors in training. He had them "attempt" to place an I.V. in the hand of my nephew. This would enable them to take the I.V. out of his jugular vein.

I got mad and left the room. Both doctors failed. My nephew is NOT a guinea pig or a pin cushion. I unloaded on a female doctor I found in the kitchen. I'll lay odds that male doctor does not show his face again for some time.

My other emotion that I am not used to experiencing is utter despair. My nephew had some complications last evening and it was after all my family had left. It was just me. I was on pins and needles. Every beep every cough every breath I was jerked into "what, what?" mode. Or, what now?

The song "Philadelphia" has the lyrics "Nobody's gonna save me, it's just you and me my friend."

There is nobody else. The responsibility lies with me. Why do I feel so sad? I feel so guilty about these feelings.