I worked at an automotive/hardware store in the late 70's and early 80's. I made a lifelong friend there. She was (is) about 14 years older than me, but very young at heart. She and I clicked right away. I've seen her through three divorces, she is now a great-grandmother.
About fifteen years ago she left her job and her life to stay at home and care for her ailing mother. No easy task. She comes from a family with six children. Her oldest sister was wheel chair bound and lived in Florida. Her younger sister was off and busy with her life in Columbus.
The eldest brother provided the double wide for her and their mother to live - on his property. A couple of years back after thirteen years of lifting and caring for their mother, my friend had heart trouble and was admitted to the hospital. The mother died while my friend was in the hospital. She rarely got a free week-end or free time to herself. I remember one such week-end she escaped to my house for a much needed free week-end. The poor lady slept the entire time - she was that exhausted. It took it's toll on her health and especially on her back. The mother could not walk or go to the bathroom by herself. My friend would have to beg a sister or sister-in-law to come and stay with their mother while she got a much needed hour or two to herself.
They finally qualified for a hospice care that came four hours a day to relieve my friend. She said that mostly she slept the entire time since she was up all hours of the night caring for her mother.
They finally qualified for a hospice care that came four hours a day to relieve my friend. She said that mostly she slept the entire time since she was up all hours of the night caring for her mother.
She did not get to say good-bye to her mother since she was in the hospital during the funeral, etc... She now stays at the double wide and has multiple medical problems of her own. One such recent incident is her teeth. She had to have them all surgically removed. Since she is no longer married she relies on medicare for her needs. Their answer was to send her to a Columbus dentist.
She did have that younger sister in Columbus that would take her to the doctor and get this done. The problem was getting her to Columbus. Her daughter has panic attacks and cannot drive anywhere other than around her home. Her son is in California with his family. I have no idea where the other two brothers are.
Do you think one brother or the younger sister would offer to help her? Not a one. I saw two of them yesterday and they were very friendly, chatty and just puttering around doing little odds and ends. The younger sister would take her to the dentist surgery but could not be put out to meet anybody halfway or drive down to get her and help her out. However, she certainly is willing to brag about her two Cadillac Escalades and all their latest GPS features, etc... Maybe she just did not have the money to put gas in these large SUV's. My friend was buying the gas, anyway.
My friend is also on oxygen. Years of smoking.
My friend is also on oxygen. Years of smoking.
I drove her to Columbus to her sister's house and picked her up and took her home yesterday. With the family that I have I just am totally mystified that sisters and brothers turn a cold shoulder like this. I was amazed and a bit confused. What goes on in a family that they all act like they care and love each other but when it comes to favors and time - they cannot be bothered?
The really odd thing was that if she did not get a ride on Sunday, her first ex-husband with his third wife were going to drive up and bring her home. She told me (after I offered to come up and get her on Sunday) that she would have died a slow death if she had to ride with them. One feels completely naked and vulnerable after having all of their teeth removed. It is a very humbling experience. Her ex-husband was going to also have to bring his three sons (from his second marriage) with him. They were older and I am certain they could have stayed home by themselves. I think he was just telling my friend how inconvenient everything was going to be for him but (sigh) he would do it.
The really odd thing was that if she did not get a ride on Sunday, her first ex-husband with his third wife were going to drive up and bring her home. She told me (after I offered to come up and get her on Sunday) that she would have died a slow death if she had to ride with them. One feels completely naked and vulnerable after having all of their teeth removed. It is a very humbling experience. Her ex-husband was going to also have to bring his three sons (from his second marriage) with him. They were older and I am certain they could have stayed home by themselves. I think he was just telling my friend how inconvenient everything was going to be for him but (sigh) he would do it.
Oh, the cookie-cutter part. Her younger sister lives in one of those housing developments where all the houses look alike. If it were not for the distinct wreath on her door, I am not sure I would have found it by myself. This type of housing is nuts!
4 comments:
I don't understand that kind of selfishness. A round trip to Columbus is not a huge imposition, especially for a family member. She's lucky to have a friend like you.
I applaud you. Just a wild guess on my part based on experience, but I suspect about half the families act the way you describe, the other half caring and would find a way to help.
That is truly a sad story. One who gives so much to a parent and then other siblings can't even bother to help. And they have their health intact because they didn't help mom in the first place. Sigh...not fair.
I think we live in confusing, selfish times. Where family loyalty is sometimes lost. These kind of stories amaze me.
(and not in a good way)
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