Reflections

Where I spent New Year's Eve, this is their light reflecting on their ceiling. Hey, everyone was getting drunk and smoking (cigarettes), so I had to do something. You know what second-hand smoke does to me. I was undulated with it.

I didn't mean to spew forth my buried anger from yesterday's blog. I guess I am a bit sensitive to abandonment. Aren't we all? So, now I take care of myself and hang everyone else. A lot of people have told me that is not the right way to be. A lot of people have survived quite nicely, thank-you, being independent. It is only the ones who cannot comprehend being independent that tell me this. Enough.

I tried getting a financial aid form for my niece at the local University in town. Me and everyone else in the county, I guess. I will try again tomorrow. I need to set aside more time than just my lunch hour. This particular form that she needs (special case, of course) is not available on line. My niece lives with me because her father has passed on, and her mother (my sister) is in prison.

I got custody of my niece when she was 15. She will be 18 in two months. She had stayed with my brother for one year (14) and with a neighbor for a time before that. She was with my Mom when she was 13. My sister has been in and out of prison for the past six years, I guess. I am trying very hard with my niece. She was not a problem for a long time. Now, it seems to be one thing after another. Speeding ticket, loss of license, no job, going through her social security money like it was water. I am putting a stop to that.

I have my daughter and myself in couseling because adding to the family is a stress, no matter who you are. My niece chooses not to go. She went once and didn't like it. Sure, it made her face reality. She says some really snotty things sometimes and I really have to bite my tongue.

I tend to get walked on. I am tired of it. I let it happen to me. I recognize it usually after it has happened. The fact is, I raised this girl a lot when she was a baby, also. She is not a baby any more. I find that I resent her being here, more and more.

I need to see the light.