Gathering it all in

A friend's tree from 2006

I like to be alone a lot more than most people. I also like to socialize (not nearly as much as most people). I am quite content to be by myself. As the year ends and I am gathering all my thoughts and memories I contemplate how to spend the last hours.

I had planned to do nothing. If family stops in, I'll entertain and fix food, but if they don't I am just as content.

I've had two invitations for New Year's eve and I am not sure of what to do. I don't want to drive after dark anymore. For one, the deer incident still has me spooked and for two, my night vision ain't what it used to be.

I don't worry about drinking, because I don't have that insane need or desire to do THAT anymore. Will I regret not going anywhere come January? Will I just kick myself and say "Would it have hurt to go out and visit with friends and family just one more night?"

Aw, heck. I don't know. The one invite is to the friend's house from the photo above. I've not seen her in about four to six months. She is almost an invalid. She will have about five people with her so she won't be lonely.

I don't want to leave my dogs for that many hours. I also don't want to drive home after midnight and place myself on the highway wondering if a) the weather will be bad or b) are any of the other drivers drunk? That does not make for an enjoyable 60 mile drive home.

Can I go earlier in the evening and leave earlier? I suppose so. I'd have to miss the other friends and family that are coming later and the games that they have lined up. I love to play games.

It is kind of a melancholy holiday anyway. I just received word from sister 1944 that sister 1949 is having serious problems with her children. Not health issues. Behavior issues. They are 30 and 25 years old. There is always some kind of fly in the ointment.

I think I'll go and visit my friend during the daylight on New Years eve. We'll see if I can get away before I have to drive too late in the evening. That way I can visit, but also I can make sure that I have taken measures to be safe, also.

The other issue is, if I visit with my friend, I'll have to visit with some family, too. They are only five miles from her house. If they hear I was there and did not stop in, well, that would just be rude! Can I do it? Can I visit two (maybe 3) households that day?

I certainly don't mean to sound like an ingrate, either. Like "Oh, my! The poor dear! She has invitations but does not know which one to pick! How sad! Poor girl!" No, I don't mean to sound like that at all. I break down and choose visit with family/friends 90% of the time. I just have to realize that I don't need to do it all anymore. I can stay home once in a while and relax and take care of myself and my household. Sigh.

There, I've said it. I don't have to feel guilty about not going, right? Right! But then, it wouldn't hurt to go for a couple of hours....