I want to be like Dear Abby

So, when I read my latest suspicious search report, I want to be like Dear Abby. Most end users are searching for unsavory subject matter, but once in a while you just get questions.

Such as "Where is the nearest Dick's Sporting Goods?"  This shows in my report because the word "dick" is included in the subject matter. If somebody searched for "Where is the nearest Target?" I won't see that request.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, you get the occasional question that makes me go "hmmmm". One that comes to mind is "Will make-up kill a turtle?"   I went "Yikes".

Hopefully that story had a happy ending.

But imagine if I were like Dear Abby. You can call me "Dr. Answering Suspicious Searches"  or Dr. ASS for short.

One question popped out at me the other day.  I can't help but pretend I am like Dear Abby and my mind just answers them as she would.

Dear Dr. ASS:  "Will having sex push back my period?"

Answer:  "Sure, probably by about nine months!"

(Same end user because it was the same IP address, but about twenty minutes later)

Dear Dr. ASS:  "Can I eat baked beans while I am pregnant?"

Answer:  "Sure, but I wouldn't recommend it."

Things like that. I have become desensitized to the other searches. I see so many. You can imagine a young teenagers' mind and curiosity and what shows up in the "suspicious" search query. Sigh. Just to give you an example, they probably do not know what bestiality is yet, but hey - they search for and I imagine hope to find graphic images. I am certainly hoping that the filter is holding strong and just because they try to search for the subject matter, does not mean they see or get any web pages that hold that horrific content.

The horrible thing is, to test the filter one kind of has to search for things like this themselves. Let me tell you it isn't as easy as you might think. For starters, being raised to be a "good girl" and going to Sunday School and mean looks from my Mom if I mentioned even the word "period" let alone anything stronger. You seriously got the look of death from her. Suffice it to say, I did not learn the facts of life from her.

It just is not that easy for me to type in "gir1 having s3x with a h0rse" into the search engine. I mean, My God! What if an image were to slip through?!  You just can't erase that kind of picture from your mind. And, GROSS!  I can only imagine because I have not (nor probably ever will) search for anything of that nature. This is all just information to let you know what I see in the searches. Yuck!

I have searched images and we have an issue with Bing images that will not force the "safe search" feature like Google does.  With the filter on, if an end users tries long and hard enough, pretty soon they will be rewarded with images that just floor my adult 54-year old mind.

If it makes you feel any better, I have set the filter up to block ALL Bing images that are on their explicit.bing.com server. That is "supposedly" where all the icky stuff resides. If you want to test this, go to bing.com, click on Images and type in any unsavory word or phrase that you can think of.  If your bing is like mine, the search setting defaults to Medium. Changing this setting to "Strict" cuts out the most obscene images out of the search. Maybe Bing got their act together, but for some reason, end users were able to override this setting and choose the setting "off".  This is disastrous. This is why we blocked bing images altogether.

Now, do the same in Google. Even before changing any settings the results are less nasty. At least mine were. The only setting that Google has now (they must have changed it) is to choose "Filter Explicit Results" and when you do that, depending on what subject matter you searched for you may get nothing. That is what happened to me. I typed the upper female body part in Google and got quite an eye full. When I changed the setting to "Filter Explicit Results" Google told me it could not find any images for my request. YAY!

How Vending Machines Kill People

It is a cold, rainy night.

Troy is a lonely salesman, checking into a small, dingy motel. No other buildings or houses around.

Creepy guy at the desk takes his money, gives him a key for a room at the end of a long row of rooms.

They are all dark, eerie, quiet.

Middle of the night, Troy can't sleep. He gets up to get a snack from the vending machine he saw in a little alcove between the rooms and the office.

The office is empty. One little dim light on but nobody around.

Troy steps into the alcove - not much light here, and looks at the machine.
Chips, crackers, cookies, the usual stuff.

He puts his money in, pushes his selection.

Nothing.

He punches the button a couple more times. The machine gives a little shiver.

He is irritated. He has a headache, he is tired but can't sleep and he wants something salty .

He gives the machine a shove.

It starts to rain really hard. So hard the sound is almost deafening.

Troy is really mad knowing he will probably get soaked walking back to his room.

He gives the machine a mighty shove.

The machines is jostled.

Troy really starts smacking the machine....

"How vending machines kill people"

**********************************************************************************

Of course this is a phrase I saw on my "suspicious search" report. Somebody actually searched for the phrase "How vending machines kill people".

My first thought was a machine falling over on somebody (of course), then I thought 'well...unhealthy eating habits, like snacks you find in a vending machine - could kill you over time'.

Then I thought the macabre.  A vending machine gets tired of getting smacked and punched and jostled. It has had enough. This one cold, rainy night it takes it's first victim....

Vacation, party time!

Ha! I did not purchase this alcohol. I was asked what I wanted to drink. We were heading South about 200 miles to visit relatives smack dab in the middle of Wild Wonderful West Virginia. I said I would get it at the store when we arrived at the motel. My daughter's beau would not take no for an answer, so I suggested lime-a-rita.

As I predicted we ended up hauling all this liquor down to West Virginia and all the way back to Ohio. I didn't even open the case of lime-a-rita. The Jack, vodka and Bud were missing a few. And the jagermeister is down about 1/8th. Whoop! 

I had one margarita at the bar. Then ginger ale.

Sigh.

We had 14 show up. Usually it is 20 or more. The young ones who really like to drink were unable to show. That's what happens when you have kids! One niece was kind of excited though because she had not had a drink in....I don't know how long. She had just weaned her little girl and was going to celebrate. She drank two drinks that I saw and got silly. LOL!

We did get to visit with some wonderful people. Our relatives that we visit are just the best. There are others, but we just do not seem to meld with them as well. Not that they are not just as nice and funny. There is only so much time to visit.

Sunday I awoke with a crushing headache. Advil (or the generic form) did not touch it, another migraine tablet and I felt the nausea. I was miserable. My daughter and her beau stepped in and packed me up and into the car and drove me home. As I was resting in the back seat - my headache finally abating (after some weak coffee - caffeine!), I thought to myself "Hey, I could get used to this!"

Note: I am kind of Independent. I have to be the one driving, I have to pack all my own stuff and I have to do this myself and this....it was easy to let things go this time because I was so damn sick.

So, I missed out on the last visit or two. The others went and took pictures. We had a great time. I am going to talk to the doctor about changing my migraine medication. I have been on Imitrex (or the generic form) for about four years and the rebound headaches are killing me. Causing me to take a second tablet the next day to fix the rebound headache. I took another the third day and today I awoke with the same crushing headache.

But, I was home. I had my fan blowing cool air on me. I gulped down three generic Advil (no migraine pill today) and moved around and got my coffee in me.

In no time, the headache was gone and we will see what tomorrow brings when I return to work.

I always take an extra day off after vacation to recuperate. I know from experience that I am drained and can barely function, so I had today off also.

I think I will be ready to tackle getting up and going and having my head on straight by tomorrow  morning.  Whew! These darn headaches just slay me!

Moving fast

We did see the trotters on Saturday. They were moving pretty good. Quite a few "broke" . After reading the terms and definitions from the link I just provided I read that "cross fire" is the term my daughter had asked me about on Saturday.  She wondered if the front leg/foot ever hit the back one. She said "you know, like when  your ankle bones smack together when you are running?'' Well, I cringed - the brought up some memories. Ouch!

It was a beautiful day Saturday. Not too hot. Warm but with a breeze. We tired ourselves out pretty good walking around. I topped my day off with a fair sausage sandwich. She wanted nothing. I threw the elephant ear and funnel cake away. I had brought them home. Can you believe nobody ate them?

Ramblings about nothing much in particular

I read an article where somebody thinks this pirogi has the markings of a religious biblical being. Me? I think it looks like Charles M@nson. Not that I want to give that creep any recognition or any mention, but yikes!

No matter to me. I hate pirogis. Never tasted one I liked.

I am so far behind in reading all your posts. I am trying to catch up. I got to where I was reading two books and jumped right into another one. I was reading, reading, reading - forgot to read your posts and forgot to blog for a while.

Then I found a bunch of Johnny C@rson shows. The best of...etc... Oh, my. Laughter is good for the heart, mind and soul. My nephew had purchased them for me years ago and I had forgotten about them. They are great!

I was intrigued by the episodes with Tiny Tim. Remember him? I remember when he married "Miss Vickie" on the C@rson show. But back to Tiny Tim - he acted and sounded just like Michael J@ckson. I had to laugh at that.

I didn't get far with our "R0bin Williams" marathon. I did watch "Awakenings" which I had not seen for a long time. The most popular ones I know too well. But one of the early ones - "The World According to Garp" I may watch. The book was mentioned on one of the C@rson episodes I was watching before they brought R0bin out. He looked so "out" of it. Self medicating, I guess.

Anyway, I may download the book and read it. Put it among the other dozen or so I have to read. Sheesh. I really need to get outside.

Which reminds me. I think we are going to the fair tomorrow. (Oh, crap - make that later today. I have lost track of time). My daughter and I love to watch the "trotters".  But, I am still torn. Is it animal abuse? I just think the animals are beautiful and truly amazing. I will try to get some pictures.

It was a beautiful day out there today. The tiny school I was working at was located close to one of the most beautiful spots in my county. I had my camera. I was so worn out, hot and frustrated when I finished I had no energy or heart to go take pictures afterwards. I just went straight home and collapsed. Grrrr.

The link above is a YouTube video I captured in September 2008. Six years? SIX YEARS ago? Mama!  And the link mentioned with this paragraph is where I posted about it. LOL!

Let's go to the park!

People come from miles around to visit our little park in town. This is where I held our "family reunion". Immediate family only. This year 28 showed. Poor weather plus some illness kept the numbers down.

But, everybody loves our park.

No dogs allowed. :(  Boo!

Gearing up for a family get away to WV to visit some cousins. No aunts/uncles are left. My older sister told me the weather is going to be gorgeous. I just hope certain family members do not make the evenings unbearable with their drinking and ruin things the next day with their hangovers. If they are hungover - they stay at the motel.

We have one branch of the family that insist we stay with them. We did once but we are not at all comfortable doing that. We have to have a motel. We did agree to eat there. Such wonderful hospitality. I feed everybody that comes to my door also. Four legs or two.

Pray for Turtles...

....everywhere!

As most of you know, I manage a filter for a group of schools in my area. This filter has an option to run a report for any end user(s) looking up anything suspicious. P0rn is depicted on the list, as is suicide, fear of pregnancy, abuse and bomb making. Things of this nature that you may want to monitor in an educational setting.

As I go through my "daily suspicious search" list of phrases and words that are picked up by the filter that denote an end user attempting to search for p0rn or violence, yes - I am getting desensitized. I figured that would happen. I scroll through lines and lines of searches for various body parts and functions. Same thing every single day. Along with every single day somebody searches for "Dick's Sporting Goods" and "To Kill a Mockingbird".  Every single day.

Once in a while a new one will catch my eye.

This one did.

"Will makeup kill a turtle?"

Whoa. I asked myself "Who would put makeup on a poor, defenseless turtle?"  Visions of mean older/younger brothers popped into my head. They are out there, you know.

Later in the day it occurred to me. Well, maybe they meant that the turtle got into her makeup and ate some of it.

Either way, I hope the turtle survived. We may never know.

Does anybody know.....

...Philipp Meyer?  If you do, would you call him and tell him he forgot to finish writing his book? Few things irritate me more than a book that just stops. This one tops them all. It left you the same place you were at the beginning.

At least with a movie, usually you are watching it with somebody else and you can both look at each other and go "WTF?"  "Tell me that movie did not just end like that?!"

But with a book, it is only you.  "American Rust".

And, with a book - you can toss it across the room. "Damn it!" and there it goes flying across the room and the cats run and the dogs duck. It hits the wall or the couch and falls to the floor, probably bending backwards and it will lay there and you might kick it a couple of times as you walk past it.

But, a Nook?  Sigh. I do have it in a nice padded nylon zipped protection cover, but I really don't dare throw it across the room. Not that I didn't want to.

I'd rather slap Phil up the side of his bald head and say "Finish the damn book! Don't leave us guess as to what happens to the characters!"  Hell, if that is the case, I'll write the damn book next time.

Sheesh!

My letter opener

you know. the other end. not the end that opens the envelopes.

I am reading two books. Okay, I finished one. "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed. Recommended by Kat. 

I am also reading "American Rust" by Philipp Meyer. 

The similarities between the two stories was pure coincidence.

Yale

Harvard

Backpack

Hike

Aching feet

Aching back

Walking

Starving

Eating too fast

Above average intelligence of main character

Drinking contaminated water

In both books a character sets out walking. Along the way they find themselves ill prepared for their journey. Thus the aching feet/back and starving state.

Both are above average intelligence with prospects of Yale/Harvard . 

One is fiction and one is non fiction.

I just found it strange that the similarities kept cropping up as I would read one and then the other.

Strange head gear

This one is the grand daughter of Sister 1956. Her photo, also. And, I am sure - her handy work on the strange head gear. Too cute, though.

This little one did not make it to the family picnic at the park. Darn it. I would love to have seen her on the merry go round with my other great niece who just adored the ride.

Maybe, soon.

Hibachi - style

I joined some friends and we went to Wasaibi's Steakhouse a few days ago. I love this place but the night turned kind of sour.

I've been here before so I understand the fun of the chef squirting sake into the customer's mouths across the table. (Using the squirt bottle shown above in the photo). The last time I was there the sake tasted like water.

This time it was very strong tasting. I closed my mouth and he continued to squirt sake all over my chest and top area. It dried sure enough, but in the car it was all I could smell. Sour sake.

The other issue I had that evening was one of my friends that sat to my right became a little juiced and smacked my leg almost all night long.

I hate this. I swear, I looked for a bruise on my leg the next day.

They just kind of smack  you with the back of their hand as if they are used to people ignoring them and they have to smack them to get their attention. I came very close to saying something to her but I bit my tongue. It was her birthday celebration, after all.

The grand finale was when one of the waiters bent over in front of us and his clothing was quite tight to say the least and she continued to smack my leg for about 50 whacks as if saying "Look! Look! Look!"

For starters, I don't care to make an ass of myself and ogle men (or women).  And, I certainly believe that one short discreet  look would have been plenty and not fifty whacks of her hand to let me know she was looking at him.

I bucked up and just enjoyed the food for the evening. She had the nerve to say "You were awfully quiet tonight."

Probably because I was biting my tongue.

Annual Labor Day picnic at the park

This little one loved playing in the ice water. That was even BEFORE he burned his hand. The grill you can see off to the top right of the photo. It is a stationery grill that the park provides. I almost stopped him. I saw him walking up to the back of it with his hand out-stretched and yelled "Too hot!' He looked at me and the hand made contact. I prayed the grill had cooled enough. It had not.

Tears ensued. Possibly one tiny little blister. There was an ice pack handy and he held onto it for the rest of his day. Well, later he rode the rides some more. It was quickly forgotten. I am going to ask his mommy about it today.

He is freaking adorable. But in a kind "I know I am cute so I can get away with it" mentality. He plays it to the hilt.

I had 28 people show. The youngest was a couple of months old, my oldest sister (1944) was the eldest there. One entire branch backed out - my sister claimed "depression" -  her son said she drank too much the night before. She said it was because she buried her "best friend" twenty years ago that day (her son's father) and I call baloney (a.k.a. bullshit) on that.

She then went on fb crying that nobody ever returns her calls, that she has nobody to talk to, blah, blah, blah. I ignore the drama, messaged back that we missed her and told her a bit about what her grand-daughter did that was adorable. I learned long ago not to take her bait.

I took her grand-daughter on her very first merry-go-round ride. The little girl wanted to ride that thing from then on. She became SO excited each time she saw it. It was so sweet. She is 14 months old.

I helped to raise my niece and nephew so I take advantage of any time I can spend with their children. She played shy with all of us at first, but by the end of the picnic that girl was all over everybody and all smiles. She was deliriously tired, for sure. You could see it in her glazed eyes.

Me. I too, was exhausted. I wanted a new pair of feet. Ibuprofin this morning, but not for a headache. My legs (calves mostly) ache, my back aches, my arms ache - and my feet are inconsolable. 

Legs hurt from walking, back hurts from loading and unloading, arms ache from  holding babies as I am not used to it and feet - well the feet. They take the brunt of it all, don't they?

Justified

Just finished reading the novel "Fire in the Hole" by Elmore Leonard. The TV Series "Justified" is based on the book.

It was a short/quick read. I got confused because the story seems to pick up loose ends from out of nowhere.

I recognized some of the plot in some of the episodes of the TV show. The series should pick up again in January.

Next to imdb.com, this site is tops for TV series information:  http://epguides.com/

Who knew?

Well, now I do and you do, too. Who knew that My Little Pony had a sex p0rn site? In fact it seems to be rather popular by my first quick glance. After one glance I closed the browser and heaved a sigh of defeat.

I was flying high thinking those little dumplings were pure and magical and still played with colorful, innocent toys.

The filter's suspicious search reports have quadrupled in size now that school has started. Sure, a lot of it is "to kill a mocking bird" and "dick's sporting goods" - during school hours. A few are brave and search for more adult themed sites,  but now that they have their own devices and take them home, the searches are filling up my filter's report log fast and furious with their ugly searches.

The school does not have them set up to authenticate by name. In fact on my main report they all come through as one IP address but there are thousands of searches for the unsavory subjects.

If I log in as the district, I can see what provider is connected to the searches but that is pointless. They are all in the same district - they all use pretty much the same provider.

So, everything is anonymous. And by searching, it does not mean they are actually getting to the site. It just means they tried to look up possible sites to try.  Hopefully, the filter is holding fast and blocking what it is supposed to.

So, there you have it. My Little Pony is not so innocent any longer. I'm not even going to tell you what they do with Gummy Bears. I just don't have the heart.

Trepidation

Quite a few school districts are issuing devices to students in a 1:1 enterprise. As you can imagine, they would like the devices to connect to the Internet through the filter at the school when taken home or off the school premises.

I was finally successful in getting our pilot school to do this. They were extremely happy and sent home iP@ds with a lot of students.

A couple of days later I was looking over the settings to ensure all was working as it should and I saw the "search queries" report.

With "trepidation" I opened the report to see what it was the students were searching for after hours.

The heavens opened, bells rang in all the churches as I read "My Little Pony"!

I nearly jumped for joy. I did in fact run and tell some of my co-workers that I have shared stories with. The ones about p0rn etc...

I wanted to be Julie Andrews and twirl and sing! I was so relieved.

Now, whether or not it stays that way - who knows?

*Note:  I am also thinking that the age group the district assigned the iP@ds to was very elementary, and could be why the search query was so innocent. But, I'll take it!

Smiling baby

My niece put her youngest in this truck and he still smiles? Wow. He didn't get that from our side of the family. Most little ones I know would pucker up, feel that hard surface on the back of their neck and scream (in baby speak, of course) "Get me the hell outta here!"

By the way. The one pictured above is the youngest of the two I posted earlier in the week. (The girl holding the sleeping boy who missed her.) They are the older siblings of this little tyke.

The ole wringer washing machine

Isn't this a funny thing to find in an elementary building? Maybe not, since I was out in the middle of Amish country. Or, at least on the cusp. Holmes county in Ohio is more Amish, but my districts border the edges. There are a lot of Amish children in the schools.

So, to find an old wringer washing machine in a little elementary is no surprise. This elementary is just now getting fiber Internet connection and dis-connecting their T1 line.

In an area of the county where you watch for Amish buggies as you drive and pass several houses that have no electrical poles leading into their homes, and the wash hangs on the line outside - this is not such a rarity.

He missed her

The older girl  in the photo (courtesy of my niece - her Mom) had a showing at the fair over the week-end. She was gone for about four full days.

Her little brother missed her.

Rainy Days and Mondays

It was not my choice to hold a training session on a Monday morning. I am the kind of person who believes folks should ease into Monday with nothing on their schedule. Keep Mondays open so that we can ease back into the work week. Nothing to jar the system.

Alas, somebody picked Monday morning for the training and I obliged. And it rained. My God - it rained. Driving the interstate was dicey. Although I did not see anybody pulled over, I considered it. Sometimes that is more dangerous than just staying the course. A steady, keep the same speed course.

Then  you have the folks in the left lane who pass you, but they must be nervous because their vehicle is way over the line on YOUR side. Please people!

Anyway, I had my filter training Monday morning. I stopped to get donuts for the crew. 15 of them. You can't really hold an umbrella and three dozen donuts, you know. My beautiful hair-do was ruined. I do have a jacket with a hood, but it also happened to be very muggy and warm. I tried.

At times the folks in the class looked like the picture above. No more Monday morning trainings if I can help it.

The blueberries have it

This is the banana bread recipe I have been making for years. It is in my Pillsbury cookbook. As you can see this is one of the pages that looks a bit used. I copied the recipe to the back of an old used envelope so I would not have to haul this old cookbook out any more. The pages are delicate and beginning to come out.

I (re) use old envelopes from the mail for shopping lists, to do lists, notes and recipes.

I only began adding blueberries to this recipe a couple of months ago. Today I tried strawberries.

Nah. We voted, blueberries are the best with this.

No nuts in the house. Well, no edible English walnuts in the house. Wink, wink.