Remember Downton Abbey's Mathew Crawley?

Well..here he is in the move "The Guest".  I didn't like him on the Downton Abbey show, although I did not want to see him die.

No wonder he moved on. How boring Downton must be compared to this.

We didn't have a Santa

...but we did have a little elf show up.

Yes, this past Saturday was my family holiday Christmas dinner get together. We have it at a restaurant. 26 adults and 10 children. 10 were unable to make it.

I nearly lost my voice trying to re-gain control of the crowd so that I could finish the games and hand out the remaining gifts. It was a lost effort. My voice just was not strong enough.

I did the usual games of pictures and they were to guess the song the picture depicted. Love that game. I had 4 versions.

For the little ones, there are questions such as "What color is the Grinch?"  "What is the name of one of the reindeer?"  What instrument does "The Little Drummer Boy" play?  "How old are you?"  LOL!

I'll leave you with one of my "search query" requests from the school search engine report:

"Good weapons to kill Santa with"  

Oh, dear.

un-blocked for now

Well, Santa came early this year.

I came home from work on Thursday, having about 20 minutes before my daughter and I (and her beau, who was not working for a change) were to meet my brother and his wife at Red Lobster. (My absolute favorite-ist place ever!).

She was playing her video game and whines "Go get my clothes out of the dryer!"

I told her to "go eff herself" and took the dogs outside. I may not have been that harsh. We lovingly say these things to each other. The words sound harsh, but we joke with them.

I came in. She had not moved. She continued to play her video game and whined "Come on, Mom. Go get my clothes out of the dryer!"

I said "kiss my a..." and used the restroom.

I came out, she whined again. It was weird because her beau was not saying anything. After over a  year with him, I knew that he would either a. Agree with me and tell my daughter to go and get her own clothes or b. would run down and get them for her.

He wasn't saying a word.

Still. I remained vigilant. "No!"  I said.

She came up behind me and gritted her teeth "You HAVE to go downstairs and get my clothes out of the dryer."

The request (demand?) had more emphasis on the "go downstairs" instead of "get my clothes" and it finally dawned on me.

I was given a hint that this gift was coming, so I realized what was going on by now.

I said  "Oh! Okay. I'll go downstairs."  And I giggled and skipped down the basement steps. I knew, I knew... I was clapping my hands.

I was ecstatic! I loved them.

My daughter and her boyfriend were laughing. My daughter had intentionally provoked me trying to get me to get angry, stomp down to get her clothes and then see the new set.

But, I wasn't angry. I was just "I gave you an hour's notice to get ready, you are sitting there playing a video game - I am NOT getting your clothes out of the dryer for you. Kiss My Astronomical behind."

I was a few minutes late meeting my brother and sister-in-law, but I had pictures to show them.

The only problem is - now, when do I read? That was my reading time. While baby-sitting the washing machine (needed to catch the machine when it began filling with water for the rinse cycle and hold the tub back, so the water did not go behind and run out into the floor) I would read my Nook.

The other reason that facilitated this purchase was the fact that my daughter's beau works in the fracking industry and his clothes are fire retardant and very heavy and very dirty. They made certain to get a stainless steel tub (my other was white).

Now, my daughter said I probably won't ever know how to use it because she will be washing all the clothes, now.

Yeah. Let's see how long THAT lasts.

I have lots of good/funny "searches" to share with you. They will be coming up. These kids search for the funniest things!

Y'all excuse me....

..while I continue to push this block out of my head. :D

Still thank ful

We did the family thing on Thursday. whew! All of my Mom's 8 children showed. We did not get any group pictures. Some said nobody was interested, I never heard anybody bring the subject up.

The grandchildren of my Mom came in shifts. Some came earlier, some later. Two are feuding and one was actually going out the back door while the other came in the front door. It all worked out.

Our family traditional games were played - Tripoly and LCR. This is the first year I did not play. I handed the nickels over to my daughter. I noticed the younger set are doing the games. We older set kept moving around talking.

A big group of us stayed over. Just because. Only one was drinking and she no longer drives, but I think we just wanted to extend the visiting. The next day I returned home, exhausted. I rarely sleep at other people's houses.

I think the above photo is the only decent one I got. I put my camera setting on the sports setting because the children kept moving. My flash does not work on that setting (I guess) and all my photos came out grainy, dark and just bleh.

The snow was a surprise. There did not seem to be much indication that we would get any accumulation but we did get some. Just enough to worry people driving back home. I asked my daughter to text me when they got home.

My elder sister's keurig got a work out. One niece went shopping after dinner. She goes every year. The rest of us are like "No, thanks!"

I returned home late Friday, so Saturday was my clean up day.

Today, I am fixing a bird with all the trimmings. While taking the dogs out this morning, my daughter informs me that her beau wants her to go have dinner with his grand pa and his new lady friend. When was this plan made?! I guess I was a big ambiguous about the day I would fix the turkey. I was tired and said I would fix it whatever day I felt like it. I am off work on Monday also - I need at least one day to recover.

And to clean that bird. UGH!

So, I'll fix the bird but what time is their dinner? Screw it. I'm going to fix it when I feel like it. When it is done, it is done. If they are not here, then that is a few less side dishes I have to make, such as noodles.

I watched "Noah". I was very disappointed in the movie. Not certain what I was expecting. I was never a fan of Crowe. I adore Connelly  since Labyrinth - one of my daughter's favorite movies as a child. I do recall saying I was never a fan of middle-earth-type movies. This reminded me of that setting.

The boxer in the snow

I've not shown pics of the pets lately. Here is the boxer. He is still active as all get out. He is still goofy. He nearly brings the house down when somebody comes home or knocks on the door. All hell breaks loose as he slips and slides his big self across my wooden floor.

He is like a bull in a china shop. Not that I have any china. He knocks over chairs, crashes into furniture. We just yell at him. "Slade!"

He is a nut.

When somebody knocks on your door, does it make you jump? I can't seem to explain why I have this fear or anxiety when somebody knocks on my door. I don't mean it to sound funny because of the dog (dogs). I have had this feeling  all my life. Even when I did  not have pets in the house.

Anybody remember the song "Who Can it Be, Now?" from Men at Work.

Oh, wait. After examining the pictures above - take a closer look at the second one. Now, does anybody remember the song "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow?"  - that was Frank Zappa? Huh. I never knew that.

Family pics

 

This little angel is the grand daughter of sister 1956.

 

This is my sister 1956 when she was 8 or so.

When I saw the above picture of her grand daughter posted on FB, I knew that face, that smile - so I looked until I found the same face I had looked at in the family album for years.

Snow car

My car says "You know....you have a perfectly good two-car garage sitting right next to me. What is your problem? Do you enjoy scraping ice and snow off of me on mornings like this?"

Sigh. My car has a good point. Well, it is in the garage now.  Like it matters - 4 days after the snow fall. I pull it in the garage, but can barely get the door open and get out. heh, heh.

Pick a movie title!

Sorry to go here, guys. I have a blast at work. We have a group of "girls" that go out to eat about once a month or so. Using search queries from my report, I came up with this topic of conversation over dinner.

Describe your sex life with the title of a Movie.

Oh. my . gawd.  Hilarious!

Some of the answers:

Titanic (from the table next to us who over heard us)

Gone with the Wind

Dumb and Dumber

Dazed and Confused

Fast and Furious

Gone in 60 seconds

Misery

Mission Impossible

Are we there yet?

Rocky

Some Like it Hot

Psycho

Endless Love

From Dusk til Dawn

Just Go with it

300

Clueless

Wreck-it Ralph

Raging Bull

The Incredible Hulk

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Frozen

The Big Sleep

Heartbreak Ridge

Mama Mia

Heat

Big Daddy

Scary Movie

All is Lost

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

It Happened One Night

Super 8

Mercy

Raging Bull

and for a great laugh....

Toy Story!

Why in the world...?

Back to my "suspicious search" report. There was an entry or two where somebody searched for "sexy pictures of soda pop."

LOL! I was like ...."What the...?"

Then I remembered. Required reading - 8th grade. One of my favorite books and the author was what...17 when she wrote it?

If you have read the book, then you know that the oldest brother had a "regular" name - Darrel. The middle son was "dreamy" looking and the parents had named him "Sodapop".  And the narrator of the story - the youngest boy was named "Ponyboy."

So, sexy pictures of soda pop.....there you go. It made me laugh.

One day late..

I'll post here (one day late) what I posted on my fb page  yesterday:

Today when I thought of veteran's day, my memory slipped back to stories I heard about soldiers being spat upon as they returned from the Viet Nam war. I can't wrap my head around the fact that someone would do such a vile, senseless thing.

Calling them baby killers, throwing beer bottles and human waste at them. What kind of propaganda were the brain-washed people listening to back then? I was too young and fortunately I did not know of anybody who taunted the soldiers.

Soldiers were sent to war to do a job. Everyone of them paid a price for this service. Not one was left unscathed. Most of them saw and experienced things that we could only imagine in our worst nightmare.

More on the way

This is how my niece decided to let the family know she was expecting again. The one pictured above is having his first birthday party on Sunday.

Okay, bring it. Who is next?  The family went through a baby phase the past two years. Will it start again? Please, not my daughter. Please, not my daughter. I can wait.

I finished reading "Snow White Must Die"  by Nele Neuhaus. The difficult part for me were (was?) the German names. I got lost going back and forth in the story as to who she was introducing or writing about. And there just seemed to be a lot of bad luck for the one main character. Spoiler alert: He gets out of prison for doing ten years for a crime he did not commit. The same time he gets out, somebody throws his mother off a bridge (she survives but is in a coma),  he gets beat up a few times  over the next couple of weeks, and his father dies a horrible death. He also finds out that almost the entire town knew he was innocent but let him take the fall.

Okay, on to the next book. I hope I get something a little bit lighter this time. I may never get my washing machine fixed. (I have to baby sit it during the rinse cycle and hold the tub back so it does not leak) - so I have my nook down in the laundry room and I read.

Oh, and for the times my nook is charging - I have an old (real hard cover) book with various stories in it. I am almost done with "Tortilla Flat" by John Steinbeck. My daughter is not familiar with Steinbeck. I think I will call her school this week to see what is the required reading there. No, not really. Steinbeck must be out of vogue.

Mutant grape

I found this in a bunch of grapes at work the other day. I painted clear finger nail polish on it and snapped a photo of it. Yeah, I have THAT kind of job.

The other staff members and I laughed at how it looked a bit like a pumpkin/gourd.

I am not looking forward to seeing it tomorrow. It was looking a bit peaked on Friday.

One Angry Quarter

Still bringing up funny "searches" from the school kids.

"If I threw a quarter off the Empire State Building, would it kill me?"

LOL!

I chuckle at this. First of all, when I was in school and heard the story - it was a penny.

I have to chuckle because all I could think of was that quarter would be so damn angry at that kid for throwing it off the tall building, it ran all the way back up all 103 floors and murdered that kid.

Or, after tossing the coin - did the kid run down the 103 floors (or rode the elevator) to the bottom, jumped out on the sidewalk in time for the quarter to do it's damage?

Of course, what the kid meant to ask is "Would it kill somebody on the sidewalk or the street if it were to hit them on the head?"  Just asking if the coin would kill him made me laugh.

Regardless, no. One coin would not "kill" you. A roll of coins might, though. I'm taking my hard hat if I ever go to New York. There are some crazy people in this world.

After typing that, all I can think of is the people laughing at me wearing my hard hat, shaking their heads in mockery that I actually thought I was going to get hit by some penny flying through the air.

This topic did bring up an interesting story at work. One guy said his kid's sippy cup full of milk, rolled under the balcony railing at their motel room - 27 stories up.  Fortunately it didn't hit anyone below. I think he said the lid stayed on and everything. Well, it must have fallen in the bushes or in the grass,then.

Technology, election, assault and family

That is pretty much how my time is filled up. Work and technology, decision on the election (thank god it's over), my huge family happenings and plans for the holidays and assault. Wait...what?

Yes. I won't go into a lot of detail. This post is not to elaborate on the assault. The person was my sister 1954. The assault was aggravated rape and aggravated robbery. She is okay. She is no shrinking violet. She has been in prison numerous times and is not a timid person, she survived but was afraid for her life. A knife was involved. That is all I am saying about the actual assault.

The real reason for the post is the technology part. The abuser stole her cell phone. She has a cell plan with her son (my nephew the technology guru/wizard). He called the provider and they set it up so that if the phone was turned on, it would beam the location to a tower and then shut down.

The "perp" turned it on. Technology worked, provider called my nephew, my nephew called the police and they picked the guy up right in front of his house sitting in a car. Wearing the same clothes my sister had described. Yes, it took a while to talk her into going to the police and hospital the next morning, but she did. So, her attacker was arrested within 24 hours of the crime. YAY!

She had already had plans to move out of that neighborhood - the plan was actually in the works. Two weeks notice at the job, plans for a new place - she had one more week, there. Let the healing begin.

Getting stoned

One of the search queries on the list that I glance over asked:

"Do people still get stoned today?"

We laughed. Yes, and sadly....yes.

Or, maybe sadly for both ways of getting stoned.

My cohorts and I found the question funny because the obvious one is apparent. We are like, "where has this guy been?"  and "Doesn't he watch TV?"

You may have to dig a little deeper to find the other "stoned".

But, sadly - it is front page news.

 http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/oct/23/syrian-woman-accused-of-adultery-is-stoned-to-deat/

I just finished reading "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest".

I am going to re-watch the movie, next.  I have not see it in years.

The author wanted Gene Hackman to play the lead part instead of Jack.  If I remember correctly, Jack did a fantastic job, and I imagine Gene would have, too.

The author was also dismayed that the movie did not narrate the story as the Indian in the book. That is how the book is written - all from the Indian's point of view.

Three geese in a flock.
One flew east, one flew west,
One flew over the cuckoo's nest.
O-U-T spells OUT,
Goose swoops down and plucks you out.

All those rings

I smile when I look at this picture. I was paying for my daughter and I to get into the fair last month and the lady at the ticket stand had all these rings. Well, since I planned on taking pictures, I had my camera and of course - I asked  - and she obliged.

When you think about it, I guess they want people to notice and comment.

A couple of years ago, if you recall - I went through a Hardee's for coffee and the lady there also obliged me with an opportunity to take her picture.

Someone asked me if they were the same person. I said "no" because the one taken a few  years back said hers were all diamonds (most from pawn shops).

I wear no jewelry. Once in a while (when I dress up for an evening out) I will wear a necklace. I think the only ring I ever wore was my high school ring.

I wore an "engagement" ring for one month. I couldn't stand it. I stayed with the guy another five years - just never liked to wear a ring.

But for me - it is the sanitary issue. How sanitary is this? As for the one working at the fast food restaurant - I really don't think I want her giving me any edible food. I'm glad I was just getting coffee. Of course, if a ring fell into the order.....

It kind of grosses me out. Probably because I wash my hands a lot. I'm not obsessive. It is just a habit I have developed. I can't help but think that they skip many hand washing opportunities because of all those rings.

Some fall color

I have been doing very little. This is the month for festivals and I canceled on every single one of them. Above photo is courtesy of sister 1956 (her grand daughter). I love how the pink clashes with the orange.

Sister 1956 is not doing well. She had pneumonia and was admitted to the hospital. She has now been diagnosed with C.O.P.D.  Yeah. I figured it was just a matter of time. She is on oxygen. She said she will need it all the time.

I don't know how this will affect her watching the above little one. She watches her about three times a week.

I have a birthday party today I am not going to cancel. The boy turns three. Ahh...where's my Advil?

I want to be like Dear Abby

So, when I read my latest suspicious search report, I want to be like Dear Abby. Most end users are searching for unsavory subject matter, but once in a while you just get questions.

Such as "Where is the nearest Dick's Sporting Goods?"  This shows in my report because the word "dick" is included in the subject matter. If somebody searched for "Where is the nearest Target?" I won't see that request.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, you get the occasional question that makes me go "hmmmm". One that comes to mind is "Will make-up kill a turtle?"   I went "Yikes".

Hopefully that story had a happy ending.

But imagine if I were like Dear Abby. You can call me "Dr. Answering Suspicious Searches"  or Dr. ASS for short.

One question popped out at me the other day.  I can't help but pretend I am like Dear Abby and my mind just answers them as she would.

Dear Dr. ASS:  "Will having sex push back my period?"

Answer:  "Sure, probably by about nine months!"

(Same end user because it was the same IP address, but about twenty minutes later)

Dear Dr. ASS:  "Can I eat baked beans while I am pregnant?"

Answer:  "Sure, but I wouldn't recommend it."

Things like that. I have become desensitized to the other searches. I see so many. You can imagine a young teenagers' mind and curiosity and what shows up in the "suspicious" search query. Sigh. Just to give you an example, they probably do not know what bestiality is yet, but hey - they search for and I imagine hope to find graphic images. I am certainly hoping that the filter is holding strong and just because they try to search for the subject matter, does not mean they see or get any web pages that hold that horrific content.

The horrible thing is, to test the filter one kind of has to search for things like this themselves. Let me tell you it isn't as easy as you might think. For starters, being raised to be a "good girl" and going to Sunday School and mean looks from my Mom if I mentioned even the word "period" let alone anything stronger. You seriously got the look of death from her. Suffice it to say, I did not learn the facts of life from her.

It just is not that easy for me to type in "gir1 having s3x with a h0rse" into the search engine. I mean, My God! What if an image were to slip through?!  You just can't erase that kind of picture from your mind. And, GROSS!  I can only imagine because I have not (nor probably ever will) search for anything of that nature. This is all just information to let you know what I see in the searches. Yuck!

I have searched images and we have an issue with Bing images that will not force the "safe search" feature like Google does.  With the filter on, if an end users tries long and hard enough, pretty soon they will be rewarded with images that just floor my adult 54-year old mind.

If it makes you feel any better, I have set the filter up to block ALL Bing images that are on their explicit.bing.com server. That is "supposedly" where all the icky stuff resides. If you want to test this, go to bing.com, click on Images and type in any unsavory word or phrase that you can think of.  If your bing is like mine, the search setting defaults to Medium. Changing this setting to "Strict" cuts out the most obscene images out of the search. Maybe Bing got their act together, but for some reason, end users were able to override this setting and choose the setting "off".  This is disastrous. This is why we blocked bing images altogether.

Now, do the same in Google. Even before changing any settings the results are less nasty. At least mine were. The only setting that Google has now (they must have changed it) is to choose "Filter Explicit Results" and when you do that, depending on what subject matter you searched for you may get nothing. That is what happened to me. I typed the upper female body part in Google and got quite an eye full. When I changed the setting to "Filter Explicit Results" Google told me it could not find any images for my request. YAY!

How Vending Machines Kill People

It is a cold, rainy night.

Troy is a lonely salesman, checking into a small, dingy motel. No other buildings or houses around.

Creepy guy at the desk takes his money, gives him a key for a room at the end of a long row of rooms.

They are all dark, eerie, quiet.

Middle of the night, Troy can't sleep. He gets up to get a snack from the vending machine he saw in a little alcove between the rooms and the office.

The office is empty. One little dim light on but nobody around.

Troy steps into the alcove - not much light here, and looks at the machine.
Chips, crackers, cookies, the usual stuff.

He puts his money in, pushes his selection.

Nothing.

He punches the button a couple more times. The machine gives a little shiver.

He is irritated. He has a headache, he is tired but can't sleep and he wants something salty .

He gives the machine a shove.

It starts to rain really hard. So hard the sound is almost deafening.

Troy is really mad knowing he will probably get soaked walking back to his room.

He gives the machine a mighty shove.

The machines is jostled.

Troy really starts smacking the machine....

"How vending machines kill people"

**********************************************************************************

Of course this is a phrase I saw on my "suspicious search" report. Somebody actually searched for the phrase "How vending machines kill people".

My first thought was a machine falling over on somebody (of course), then I thought 'well...unhealthy eating habits, like snacks you find in a vending machine - could kill you over time'.

Then I thought the macabre.  A vending machine gets tired of getting smacked and punched and jostled. It has had enough. This one cold, rainy night it takes it's first victim....