With love, to my fair city

I shoveled by hand to the stop sign

I pay my city taxes. I have the tax forms and the direct deposit slips to prove it. Why my alley did not get plowed is a mystery. I called them being very careful not to piss off the lady who answered the telephone. You know if you piss them off, they will go out of their way to make sure you don't get anything. Well, that's what I heard.

She said that the city was going to take care of the alley ways today. I tried to give her my address but she gave me the brush off. They were doing the best that they could. I thought to myself, maybe they have had to cut back just like the schools have. Everybody is feeling the pinch. So, I began to shovel. I wasn't going to wait for the city.

Most cars can ride over the icy snow. My car (trying to be global conscientious and purchasing a Civic) is way too light of a car and the icy buildup lifts my car up and it is stuck. I tried to get out last night but was forced to retreat back into my garage. My daughter had been picked up by her boyfriend's father so that they could spend Valentine's Day together. I mistakenly thought that they would bring her back home. She called at 9:30 and this is why I attempted to get out of my alley.

Since I failed (read all the little evil voices you ever hear about not being good enough, not being a good parent, not providing adequate equipment to raise a daughter in the state of Ohio, I should have been more prepared etc, etc, etc...) I had to call my daughter admitting defeat and she had to "beg" a ride home from her boyfriend's Mother.

I say this because:

1. My daughter had to wait until the Mother watched her favorite television show, and

2. On the way driving her she sarcastically told my daughter "It's a good thing I like you!"

My daughter was so upset. Thus adding to my overall feeling of I'm just not good enough. Who am I trying to kid? Why am I not able to get my vehicle out on the roads when everybody else can? Now, as I type this I want to call that Mother and give her a piece of my mind. I guess at the time I was feeling pretty lame because of some other chaos that was going on.

I suppose I could have called a private snow removal business. But, do they touch city alley ways? It appears so because when I was 3/4 of the way done, I saw a truck with a plow clear the alley up the hill from me. I wasn't sure if it was a city truck or not, but it didn't have any writing on the side. It had a huge salt/sand/cinder container on the back so it was at least a professional.

They kept plowing and re-plowing that one little stretch of alley and it occurred to me that they may do mine next. I sniffed. Figures. Wait until I am almost done. I didn't need to hold my breath. After ten minutes or so they were no longer to be seen. Unfortunately I took the long route because the shorter end of the alley was completely blocked by a four foot wall of rock solid snow (thanks to the city when they plowed the secondary street).

Anyway, I got my car out and onto the street. Now, I can get milk and bread and go to work tomorrow. As I drove to the store to get milk, I noticed that there were a lot of other alley ways that had not been cleared but the people living in the surrounding houses had heavier cars than I or trucks/SUV's/jeeps. So there you have it. I try to do the right thing and buy a small economical car. I can hear my brothers and brother-in-law's laughing now. As they drive their gas guzzling, Ford four-wheel-drive vehicles. When they lived on the farm and their drive way was a mile long I can see the need for one. But, I am in town. I drive my own vehicle for work and I am not about to get a four wheel drive. It only happens every few years anyway, right?

When I was younger (under 20), I can remember getting my car stuck in a ditch. I will never ever forget my brother cussing the entire time he shoveled my car out. It made me feel bad. Really bad. Another time I got stuck on ice. (I had a light car back then, too. I just froze up with fear). My brother-in-law and my brother laughed at me. There were other times, too. I remember each and every one like it was yesterday. It doesn't happen anymore. I don't call them. Oh, I get stuck. Like today. But, nobody hears about it. Nobody that will belittle me, anyway. I don't need anybody anymore. I make sure of that. I really must apologize for this negativity, but I exhausted myself outside shovelling and I don't have a lot of reserve in me right now.

I am also in the middle of a big family mess that I won't go into because I believe that my family has found this blog and are reading it. I'll just say this. I didn't do a damn thing, but send e-mail. If somebody wants to misinterpret what I wrote and jump to the wrong conclusions, then that is their problem. It is making me as angry as a wet hornet. Hey, if they want to pin me for the mess, go ahead - if that makes them feel better. So be it. I'm not hurting anyone. That damn swinging bridge that I dreamt about a month or so ago has done snapped and flown back to hit me smack between the eyeballs.

I've had a really bad 24 hours. It is all I can do to keep from throwing up. I imagine the migraine will hit next. After the turbulent storm of emotions has run it's gamut.