Put Out to Pasture

I have been "put out to pasture".  Not by my choice.  

Retirement starts

All the paperwork, phone calls, scheduling appointments, internet lookups, research, comparing insurance packages. Sigh.  Retirement starts out busy busy.  I am the youngest of 8 children.  

My siblings are all still living (thankful).  They have all retired.  Two were teachers in the education system.  I was in Technology in the education system so I was able to pay into that retirement program instead of Social Security. 

I started in the education industry when I was 35 so I had 15 years in private industry with 15 years of contributing to social security.  

In the state of Ohio (one of the few states) we lose 60%  (or thereabouts) of our social security check because we paid into the education retirement program. Why?  I have no idea. Do I have the energy to research this?  Not right now. My brain is fried from just filling out applications, paperwork, phone calls appointments, researching insurance...
 

Moses is not real happy

 The image is dated January 2019.  I wrapped him up in left over paper and was able to obtain a picture. he is perturbed, I can tell.

My Moses thinks he is a dog. I was telling some friends about him this evening. I came to the conclusion that he is a bully. He is just a big old bully to my dogs. He bosses them around and blocks them from walking. I yell at him and he moves, but what a little shit.

Do you ever look at a date and wish you could go back to then? And try to think about how you would handle things differently if you had to do over?

I've had a setback. I'm retiring a bit earlier than I intended. I was pushed out. Not a great feeling, I have to say. 

Eclipse is coming...

 Okay, so I just read an autobiography of one of the singers from Three Dog Night.  The song Eli's Coming... came to mind when I wrote the title to this post.  And so the big eclipse is coming April 8th. My home is just a sliver away from full totality but my niece is having her daughter's first birthday party that day and she decided to host the family eclipse party. My issue will be getting to her house because from past experiences (my sister sat in bumper to bumper traffic on an Interstate in KY in August 2017 and that wasn't even a total eclipse) the roads might be gridlocked. Both of us have purchased several glasses for safe viewing.

It took me a few minutes to remember the link to my blog and then I had to look up my password. Fortunately, I had it written down.  I don't write my passwords right out - I use a code. Like the first two numbers of childhood land line plus OS of the mainframe I worked on in 1988 and then a dot and then how old I was when I first moved to VA or the year I lived in TX.  Things like that.

Have recently read:

The Sixth Extinction by Elizabeth Kolbert

The Heat will Kill you First by Jeff Goodell

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote  (I can't believe I'd never read this one)

The Great Fire by Jim Murphy  (Chicago fire - where they blamed it on the cow)

An American Plague (Yellow Fever) by Jim Murphy

The Silver Star by Jeannette Walls

Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann (and watched the movie, Netflix I believe?)

...and autobiographies of Madonna, Lillian Roth, Barbra Streisand, Elliot Page, David Cassidy and Chuck Negron (Three Dog Night).

Oh, and I can't forget "Leave the World Behind" by Rumaan Alam.  I had watched the Netflix showing with Julia Roberts and Ethan Hawke.  

Fiction to Me

 I've seen so many advertisements about the movie "House of Gucky" coming out, that I had to look into the book it was based on. I am currently reading it.  It may as well be fiction for all I know. That lifestyle is so far out of my world, it might even be science fiction. Or how about Fiscal Fiction? 

I was never one to wear "names".  I could care less. I guess it does bring it all together for me to read about their horrible fighting and greed. One of the hardest parts for me is keeping the names straight. The book does give you a little family tree to keep track of who was married to whom and what children they had, etc.

Still, I find myself seething at the loopholes the rich and famous use/have to evade what the law requires from them. I've heard folks say "I wish I had his money!"  No, you don't.  Unless you are a Narcissist with no empathy for others - you don't want that lifestyle.  Even worse, if you are a person with morals and empathy - having that volume of money and wealth fall into your lap creates in you a monster.

Now, I am not a total idiot. I like a little extra money every now and again to smooth things over when appliances break down or the car does. It keeps me real. But the lifestyle of this family is beyond my imagination.  And, I am not a socialist. There may be certain aspects of the philosophy I can lean towards but I'm not sure there is any overall answer for anybody.

I picture a caveman bringing home a Gucky pocketbook for his mate that he has found. I suppose they would burn it or try to eat it. Yucky Gucky.

Currently Reading

 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs.  Slow going. Busy doing other things. Sometimes when I get in the mood to read, I'll read and read and read. Only about 2 books at a time but I just finish one and go right to the next one.

The same happened with the New York Times and The Washington Post. I read them for about a year and then - nothing. I stopped. Didn't get back to it.

This story is hard. It is about her life. Sometimes I have to close the computer screen and either walk away or go to another web site like Facebook or Reddit to try to erase the image(s) that have entered into my mind.

I'd like to say we have progressed and it doesn't happen anymore. But it does. Somewhere somebody or somebody(s) are enslaved and suffering. At the hands of their fellow man.

I am not sure why I am attracted to books like this. I do like non-fiction and I do like autobiographies so I guess they fall perfectly into that category.  I don't want to be somebody who does not care about what happened (and still happens) to others. A story such as this reminds me of how hard it was for some.

And how easy I have it. It makes me appreciate my life a bit more. To scoff at what was bothering me yesterday or last week. Small potatoes!

 I went to a school today to replace a piece of equipment. The wiring closet it on the 3rd floor. No elevator in this building. I had to haul the equipment up three flights of stairs. I was a sweaty mess even before we started. The tech guy was late so I could not access the closet as it was locked.

When we did enter we were hit by a wave of heat that just slayed me. Looks as though the A/C had quit working quite some time ago. The tech said he never goes in here. I guess nobody does. The custodian was right there and he found something and fixed it. 

It was a rough hour in that hot box. Heavy equipment, screwing it into a wiring rack, following cables, watching lights blink, blink, blink.

By the time we were finished the A/C was barely blowing any cold air.

This is the second school I've been to where they are not cooling their computer equipment properly. It is hard on the equipment to run at this temperature for a long period of time.

It was hard for me to run at that temperature for a short period of time. I was ready to get out of there!

On a side note, I watched a documentary about female scientists and what they had to put up with while working in a "mostly" men's field. As I waited for the tech to arrive, I asked the custodian if he had a key to that room. He said "Oh, that's only the server room."  I said "I know. That's what I do. I need to get into the server room."

I guess since I was female, he figured I had no business in there. Eh, he didn't have a key after all.

Meet Rudy

No, I did not get another critter. This one (a blue and gold macaw) belongs to a former co-worker. A few of us had dinner at her house last week. Macaws can live for 65 - 70 years. She said when they got Rudy (about 15 years ago) they believe he was 8 or 9. When they got him, she was working full time but her husband was retired so Rudy bonded more with him. Rudy was not comfortable enough with us to come very close to him. He has an entire sun room for his "cage".  Then he has a big cage in the sun room for his bedroom at night. He is a very spoiled bird.

For work today, I am going to an "Attention Center" (not detention any longer). I am replacing equipment. It is for students who misbehave. More security at this location, but I made sure they are well aware that I am coming and what I am doing there. I'm taking their Internet down. Yep. That's what I do. LOL!

 

Like a Ghost town.

 I had an Amazon return and I have a Kohl's only 2 miles away. It is so easy to return something, now. No more packaging the item. No more arranging for a pick up. I am horrible. I would just keep the damn thing. Well, this one I could not keep. It was from work, for work. A shelving unit - too small. I guess I was supposed to measure. I don't care. I have a bit of work equipment in my garage, but not enough where it is a nuisance. And it usually doesn't stay long. We are installing new firepower devices at the districts. And UPSs. UPSes. Whatever.  Heavy suckers, they are. 

Oh, the picture. I always get sidetracked. The mall was like a Ghost town. I never, ever, EVER liked shopping. Well, electronics and paper products,yet - but clothes, perfume, stuff like that - No thank you. I do sort of like purses and totes and some jewelry. Even though I never wear it.  If all the malls closed down it wouldn't bother me one bit.

Did you lose touch with some friends over the pandemic time period?  I did. I just don't feel like starting back up again. They seem a little miffed. Some curt responses in e-mail and on Facebook. Could be and probably is my imagination. I'll wish them a Happy Birthday and comment on a post once in a while. But getting together as often as we did - I just can't.

Shelly

 I did not name her. I did not obtain her. She came to my house when my daughter moved back in. She had adopted Shelly (a yellow bellied slider water turtle) from her beau's friend who was neglecting the poor thing. My daughter read up on the critter and took over her (his) care.

Now it's kind of my thing. This little bugger is ornery to say the least. While cleaning out her tank the other day, I found something under the filter of the air pump. It happened to be the end of the thermometer. I looked over at the cable dangling in the water with no end to it. Just some frayed wire. She had bitten clean through it. Sigh. I threw it away.

She is constantly knocking the filter over. She tries to get to the suction cups so she can eat them or chew them up. I check on her quite often to make sure all is as it should be.

Tonight I am sitting here reading blogs and can see her out of the corner of my eye. She does a quick flick of her front left foot and splashes water upwards. I clean her glass in her tank after I add water because it splashes all over. Well, it is covered with splashes again - from Shelly flicking her water up .  

I then noticed that the water was aimed straight up and into her heat lamp. The top of the tank is wire mesh and I have a heat lamp and a sun lamp both that shine down on her 14 hours a day or so. I know that the sun lamp is splash proof, but I'm not so sure about the heat lamp. I'll make sure the next ones I order for her are splash proof. The little imp.

I walked over and turned both lamps off. Who knows? Maybe this is her way of saying "Hey lady!  It's past my bedtime - turn the lamps off!"  Well, she isn't flicking the water any longer. Sometimes these creatures are a bit uncanny and make me rub my chin and go 'hmmmm.....'

What The Future Holds for Them

 A week or so ago I went to a birthday party for a one-year-old. I work from home now, and my house is Air conditioned. The A/C went out in my car. I've been meaning to have it serviced but things change when you are home all the time. It used to be when I made an appointment for my car, I would schedule for after work on one of the garage's late evenings. This way, I could stop after work and go to the appointment before I went home.  I HATE to leave the house after I come home. I'm one of those people who stop off and do little or big errands on the way home from work. But once I'm home, I'm home.

This Saturday, I step out of my house at 2:30 p.m. and back into my house at 6:30 p.m. For four hours I was in 93º F heat. When I am not used to it. The baby above is my nephew's child. My nephew works outside doing landscaping every work day and outside work and activities on the week-ends. And he has not one ounce of fat on his body. I am a different story. I won't go into detail about all the extra ounces of fat I have on my body, suffice to say - a good bit. 

My older sister (the child's grandmother) was there and she was overly warm also. My nephew put a fan on each of us, but it just blew hot air at us. We caught up and watched the wee one open his presents and enjoy his "smash" cake. I can honestly say (since I found out about this tradition of giving a baby a small cake all of their own to smash, grab, squish and eat on their first birthday) I've never witnessed a wee one eat ALL of their smash cake. Until that day.  I admit, a good bit fell down between his legs and the high chair so perhaps it wasn't all that bad. I kept saying "Please give him a drink of water or something." It fell on deaf ears.

My plan for that day (before I found out my A/C had quit in my car) was to go to this birthday party, go shopping for a bit and meet up with my daughter and her beau later as his band was playing at a pub in that vicinity.  This was an hour from home, so instead of driving all the way back home (after the party)  and then back into this area (for the band show),  I decided to kill time shopping around. It had been a while since I had been to the stores in that area. It did not happen that way. 

After this birthday party and getting in my hot car, I stopped at the crossroad. Turn left to go home or turn right to continue on until 11 p.m. I couldn't do it. I headed home. What made my mind up was not how hot and tired I was. I figured shopping in a cool air-conditioned store might bring my energy back. It was my legs. I have been fighting eczema on my legs for a long while now. And they get especially irritated when my legs get hot. I don't wear shorts due to the eczema. I was in agony. So, home it was and I skipped out on the band show. It didn't even occur to me that the band may have played outside that night. It was inside, but if I had decided to stay and met them and they played outside - ugh! I would have been miserable again.

My daughter is 30 years old. I remember her first birthday party very well. I was not aware of the tradition of the "smash" cake yet, so she did not get one. It was a small party with just a few family members. I had a yellow duck on her cake. I'll have to dig up that photo and take a picture of it and post it. Or, I could get my scanner out of the garage and set it up.

One strange incident (I thought) was a girl that came to the party sat at my table. I'd say she was twenty-something. Maybe in her early 30's. She was dressed like a lumberjack. No lie! She had boots on, blue jeans, a top and one of those red-checked lumberjack long-sleeved shirts on over her top. I said a couple of words to her, she acknowledged, but mostly she was quiet and did not say much. I did not see her perspire and she never complained about the heat. She did have her hair up in a half pony-tail/bun. 

Ah, I almost forgot. The title of this post. What DOES the future hold for little ones like this one-year old? What suffering will they go through because of our greed and acts of entitlement? Our shallow, inconsiderate exploitation of the world? So far my daughter has decided not to have children. We all know that can change in the blink of an eye. Then I won't only wonder, I will worry. About my grandchild and what the future holds for them.

Fear

 Fear. We've all experienced fear. To what degree differs. What do I fear most?  You hear this question asked often. For me, a Mother - it will always be something related to my child. When they were little I feared abduction, now that she is older - sickness and disease and accidents. As we all know, nothing compares with health. It matters not who you are, how much money you have, where you live or what you do - without your health - everything pales in the background.

I try to imagine the fear a person must feel being in Afghanistan if they don't wish to be there. I shudder to think of the people who are in danger there. And their families. I know this has happened in history all over the world, all through time. It doesn't make me feel any better. Worse, in fact. And I wonder, what determines how much fear a person is going to experience in life?  Or, what degree of fear? Is fear just fear?

I'm going to try to recall a time in my life when I had the most fear. I'm thinking driving/riding in a vehicle? A roller coaster?  One of those chair lifts that take you out over land and water? The one or two times I rode in one of those, I was young and not so fearful as I am now. Losing my daughter when she was six in a Sears? That lasted all but 10 minutes. Waiting to hear the news of how surgery went for a loved one? Wondering while racing to the hospital if my Mom was alright after a vehicle accident. She died. But I wasn't so fearful as I was hopeful. I usually think positive.

As for me, I've been lucky. Is that what you call it? It's possible that I have something yet to feel really fearful about. I know I have not thought of everything that has happened to make me feel fear. The one and only time (that I am aware of) I had an anxiety attack was when I was blocked in a room and somebody stood in the doorway. I felt threatened. I did not realize it was a panic attack until 3 days later when I researched the symptoms. Nothing happened - all ended well there. I never want to go through that again! I felt WAVES of what I imagine was adrenaline surging through my bloodstream?

Ha, ha! I just did some panic attack researching and one article described exactly how I felt during a time when I dropped acid.  How did that phrase ever come about.  "dropped" acid.?  Where or how did you "drop" it. Ah, well. The online dictionary says it is slang for taking an illicit drug. I was not having a panic attack when I took the acid. It was an "okay" experience. Nothing horrible happened and nothing fantastic either. Just my senses intensified and my sense of time was warped.

But, back to fear. I was not afraid to hear the news from my doctor when I was diagnosed with cancer. Is it because I kind of "knew it" in the back of my mind?  I had been having a very serious symptom for a couple of years that I had ignored. Well, you couldn't ignore this symptom, I guess I just put up with it and ignored the fact that I should have it looked into. I remember when the doctor told me, he never exactly said the words; so during the conversation he made the remark "I've never had anybody take the news they had cancer as calmly as you are."  My first split second thought was "Is that what you are telling me?"  Then, I said "It is, what it is."  I guess I did not comprehend or absorb the news right away.

So, for those people left in Afghanistan. I can't imagine. I guess what mystifies me is why them? Why children? I'm not a religious person so "God's will" does not come into it. I don't care what anybody else believes or thinks - I feel they need or practice whatever belief they need to - to get them through the day or life. One of the times I dislike a religion is when it causes harm to others. Such as war in the name of religion. Since time immemorial. I don't suppose things are going to change in that respect. It seems the harder we try to "civilize" the human population, the more savage it becomes. So, I'll relish the times when I hear/experience good stories/deeds that humans have performed. And let that sustain me.

Leaving

 I read that the US Troops plan to get as many people out as they can, even leaving behind their equipment. Supposedly, they are not to waste valuable airplane space on equipment. 

 Then they will blow it up after they leave so the Taliban won't get it.

How is that going to work?  Who is going to make sure they don't blow up  innocent people still at the airport?

Car sick

 The above image is a snapshot of a video I watched on Reddit.  The post said it was around 1913.  I wanted to point out the girl in the front with her hand over her eyes and forehead. This was me when we went on car trips when I was young. I was like "Ugh. I'm going to be sick."    One time I even threw up BEFORE I got in the car. That was a long drive. My family is so big, we always had to take two cars when traveling. Needless to say nobody wanted to ride in the car with me.

More hydrangea

 I had to chuckle when I saw my last post was also about the hydrangea.  The above photo was taken early this week at my doctor's office.  They are kind of hidden between two brick walls but they are breathtaking in their beauty.

Looks like near perfect conditions exist in that spot for the hydrangea. My plant is alive but it is not going to produce any blooms this year.

A Lilac Hydrangea

 I have saved the hydrangea (the above photo is about 5 years old). This is the color I get when I add nothing to the soil. Not pink, not blue, just lilac.  I prefer blue so I add sulfur. If you want more pink, add lime. 

My hydrangeas were whittled down to nubs by a well-meaning nephew. Who also happened to whittle down my lilac tree to nubs. I managed to save both of them. It was probably the absolute best thing for them. So I won't have blooms for a couple of years. They are still alive. He has a degree in Natural Resources and Conservation so perhaps he knew what he was doing. Nah. His work lets him travel all over. Currently he is somewhere in the state of New York testing water for a crew. It's probably a fracking company or something similar and the water can't have a certain amount of pollution or chemicals in it.

I am still on my reading kick. For some odd reason I am hooked on books about serial killers. Currently I'm reading "The A to Z Encyclopedia of Serial Killers" by Harold Schechter.  When that subject gets to me and I need a break I switch over to a Jackson Browne biography by Rich Wiseman. I also like to read autobiographies and biographies. Browne is one of my two favorite singers from the late 70's and early 80's. Bob Seger being the other one.  Vern Gosdin pulls a close third from my life in Virginia in the mid 80's. And Neil Diamond gets an honorable mention.

 I throw in a fiction story now and then. I get my recommended book titles from Goodreads. I do not like Fantasy, dystopia, zombie, vampire or science fiction. Mystery is my favored category for fiction. I also can't handle romance very much. I'll tolerate it if it is in the story but only if it is not the main part of the plot.  Don't get me wrong. I love romance as much as the next person. My best friend and I joined the Harlequin Romance Book club and we shared their books. I laugh at them, now. But we were 14 years old. 

The bearded dragon is doing well. A new UVB light and he sheds about a week later. I figure a new bulb (like tanning booths) is strong and gives him a beardie sunburn?  So he sheds. Just my thoughts, don't know if it is actual fact. I am learning more about the water turtle. She is not friendly (my daughter rescued her from a negligent friend of her beau). She does like the splashy bubbles from the filter to hit her shell. Earlier today I thought she was kicking the hell out of the filter. (I had changed the carbon filter inside and I figured I made her mad). But later I saw that she enjoys letting the bubbles massage her shell. My daughter said some turtles like to have their shell scratched/rubbed. I rub it but all she does is try to get away from me. At least she quit hissing at me. She knows who gives her blueberries and strawberries and apples. And worms. I share the beardie's worms with her.

Shells

 Where are the shells?  Does the Mother eat them?

Good Weather, Bad Weather

 Went to the park yesterday to visit with some family. We had a small (quickly threw together) picnic. One of the little ones dropped their sandwich and this squirrel grabbed the piece of bun. And this is how s/he at it. Stretched out upside-down on a tree. We think s/he was showing off.

The weather was beautiful yesterday. Currently our weather for one week can be summed up as such: run the furnace for 3 days, run the A/C for two days and two days open the windows. 

Books:

 Hell's Princess by Harold Schechter.  Non-fiction. True story about female serial killer in Indiana in late 1800's early 1900's.

Before She Was Helen by Caroline B Cooney. Fiction. I actually enjoyed this one. The writing style.

Blood and Money by Thomas Thompson. More non-fiction about a socialite from Texas possibly murdered by her doctor husband.

And, The Babysitter by Liza Rodman.  True story of a young girl who hung out with a  motel handyman during the summer breaks between school and it was discovered that he was a serial killer of young women in the Cape Cod area.

Update on the water turtle. Discovered her shell "pyramiding" (not sure of the spelling there). Anyway, the shell begins to lift and separate from the body because the turtle is getting too fat. Uh oh. Perubee hangs her head in shame.  It was only greens for crying out loud!  Some apple, carrots, greens, squash, lots of blueberries....How can she get fat from that?  So, I have to sit at my computer and watch her "beg" for food. I give her two tiny pieces of vegetable or fruit a day, now. It's hard.

 On the other hand - the beardie is eating his greens more than the squash and carrots.  I guess their tastes change like ours. The fun thing is -- it is dandelion season. The bearded dragon loves the flower part of the dandelion. I've tried to get him to eat the greens, but he does not. We do not treat our lawn with any pesticides.  Once I rinsed the flowers off but they drooped and looked all wilted and he didn't eat them. When I put them in there when they are nice, plump and yellow he goes right for them.

Books & Things

 Let me update you before I go into the book details. My cat returned!  All of a sudden my neighbor said he saw him on his patio around midnight. The next night my daughter opened our door at midnight and in he ran. He was a lot lighter but his fur was clean and smooth - he did not seem to suffer out there. My daughter thinks somebody had him  and he escaped or they let him out or he was caught in a garage or shed somewhere.

The book I'm currently reading is about the insane blizzard that hit eastern Nebraska in 1888. Children are the main story here because the blizzard hit when the little one room school houses were just letting out and they were walking home. A mile to five miles for some.

It is a book of fiction but the author uses the factual events in her story. She just embellishes on them and mixes them up a bit.  I can tell you this much. I never want to go to Nebraska after reading this.

 

Other good reads in March. "Nomadland" by Jessica Bruder. This one has been made into a movie with the same name starring Frances McDormand. It is an eye opener for what is happening to a large group of senior citizens who have found themselves lacking in their senior years. Especially after the big economy hit of 2008.  Another good book was "The Hiroshima Cover Up" by Lesley M M Blume. I prefer non-fiction over fiction.  Still another - "90 Minutes at Entebbe" by William Stevenson.

The remodel is mostly done in the basement. Enough that they could move in. Carpet is down and the flooring on the "kitchen" side is complete. Bedroom and living area are set up and daughter's beau's music room is complete. Still needs a few touches.  Next we purchase a small refrigerator (already picked out) and order a grill and two burner set up. They have and love their air fryer and of course have a microwave. Currently they set everything on a large oak table I had in the basement, but my daughter wants to have cabinets installed eventually.

The dog situation did not get better. I purchased a muzzle for the pit bull but they have only had her wear it once. She has attacked both of my dogs (one of them twice) and so far the cat has avoided her because they keep both their dogs downstairs. It is not ideal but for now it works.

One of my sisters have moved into my town. She lost her license years ago and I will drive her here and there if I am available. She lives about three miles from me, maybe 5. She is big on walking. She walks and walks. I told her I would help her and for her to call me anytime EXCEPT when she is drunk or drinking. So far so good.

I have the green light from work to "work from home" permanently now. I have to pick up a few things from the office but I will get to that. I am re-arranging my upstairs (due to excess household items that moved in) and I have a work desk in the garage I need to have brought in and set up.

This water turtle my daughter brought with her is a yellow-bellied slider. I am fascinated. I am learning how to clean and take care of it's tank. But the best part is I can feed her!  I certainly must come from a long line of women who have to feed everyone and every living soul.  For the most part the bearded dragon turns his nose up at the greens I cut up for him but this turtle will eat everything!  Well, except carrot tops. She didn't like those. Previous owner named her Shelley (Shelly) and mostly abandoned her so when my daughter moved in a couple of years ago, she adopted her. The owner was neglecting the reptile and my daughter can't stand that.  The turtle is not friendly so I keep my fingers away from her sharp beak-like mouth.

I just read where they can live up to 40 years in captivity. Holy cow!

Life is Not Fair

 Life is not fair. We all have to learn that at some time or another. 

Growing up we lived close to a road. Several of our pets were hit by a car and rushed to a vet or died. Back in the 60's nobody cared if you chained a dog up to a barrel outside and fed them once a day. What a life!  I've become very aware of how important it is to care for your pets and act responsibly.

I am a sucker for a rescue. A couple of years ago my co-worker brought in this kitten she found on the road (cars were passing over it - it was just a matter of time).  It had no tail and was just a tiny kitten. I held him with me that night in bed and began feeding him goats milk (all I could find at the time). He promptly chewed the rubber nipple off the little tiny bottle. I had been trying to get him to eat top shelf canned and pouches of cat food. He turned up his nose. I tried dry food and we were off and running.

Later we did switch to wet food (urinary tract issues) so that he could get more water into his system. He was different than any cat I have ever owned. He certainly doles out attention on his terms. In the above photo he is in my bathroom destroying my trash I just bagged up from the bin.

Now, to the "not fair" part. I've been remodeling the basement for my daughter and her beau to move in. Due to some communication and weather issues the carpet did not get installed so they moved in with me upstairs. My daughter has a huge Pyraneese dog and her beau a medium sized pit bull. My cat went nuts. Moses (my cat) has been around Cheech and Chong for two years. I'd often say "He thinks he's a dog." Moses hid downstairs in the ceiling above the downstairs bathroom.

I went down several times trying to coax him out and I brought him cans of cat food. He barely ate. I also have a litter box downstairs. My daughter and I argued about this, about her beau's dog, but as a parent you probably know and understand that you pick your battles in this life. And I wanted peace. I felt that when they moved to the basement, Moses would come back upstairs and all would work itself out.

I was wrong. While letting Chong out one evening, Moses came upstairs (I did not expect this) and shot out the door. I tried to go get him - he took off. He has done this before (when it was just Cheech and Chong here with me) but he comes back. It was late and I went to bed. My daughter said she heard him outside later and tried to get him inside, but he was having none of it. He probably still smelled the pit bull. This is a very sweet and friendly dog if you know her. She adores you when you feed her and will follow you everywhere and lick you until you tell her to stop. She was curious about the cat and it was probably completely normal for the cat to freak out.

It has been a week and my Moses has not returned. I walked the neighborhood. I asked everybody I saw and they all said they would keep an eye out. Moses is afraid of everything. I doubt that he could have been caught by somebody and taken inside their house. I posted in our paper's lost and found. They posted it on their facebook page. I posted to my page. The last I looked, it had been shared over 30 times.

Of course my daughter is extra nice to me now. She and her beau feel awful. I grieve (but not in front of them). I say nothing because I know and understand that life is not fair. Why make them feel worse than they do? My daughter is getting flyers printed and wants to go door to door. I will when the weather warms up (today and tomorrow). This is just one of life's lessons that we all have to swallow sooner or later.

I want to tell Moses that I am sorry. I want to tell him that I did not mean to abandon him if that is how he felt. I worry - is he cold? Is he in pain? Where is he? Is he scared? I think of the old movie "Come Back little Sheba" and I play the song from the 2017 version of "Murder on the Orient Express"  titled "Never Forget". Sung by Michelle Pfeiffer, music by Patrick Doyle and lyrics by Kenneth Branagh. Yes, the Kenneth Branagh the actor who stars in this version of Agatha Christie's mystery. 

It starts out "Please, would you come home? Would you stay with me?"  If you know the story it is about a murder on the infamous train and the detective who solves it. The story takes you back in time when a young girl was kidnapped from her home and murdered and the people in the household that were suspect. There is a 1974 version, which I saw in the theater and this version with Michelle Pfeiffer and K Branagh. It is a haunting melody and one I hum and sing to myself often.

I was an Agatha Christie fan in middle school. My favorite of course was "And Then There Were None" aka "Ten Little Indians."  I've tried to watch every version of the story I can find. 

I won't elaborate on how I feel any more than I already have. Hope for the best and put one foot in front of the other. Life is not fair. Nobody said it would be. I never promised you a rose garden (which reminds me of another movie....) - oh, and a song.