Memories

I found out something yesterday talking to my old school friend. I found out that something was not my imagination. I used to go and stay with her sometimes on a week-end or over the summer for a week. She was an only child and I was the youngest of eight. When I would stay, we used to get up early and work on the farm. They worked so hard. Baling hay, picking corn, picking berries, shovelling gravel in the long, hilly driveway. Always something to do on a farm.

My delicate stomach didn't like working like a farmer first thing in the morning with nothing in it. I became sick more times than not. What did I find out yesterday? My friend told me her Mom used to make her call friends to stay over when they had work to do for the free, extra help. She said she hated doing that. All these years, I thought I was just being lazy. Sheesh! I told you I was a sucker. I wish she hadn't told me.

I don't intend to sound languid. A little hard work never hurt anyone. But, bale hay? Shovel gravel? I wasn't used to the manual labor and did become sick to my stomach. I never could stand the hot sun. Headaches, and all.

I like for my daughter and her friends to have fun when they come over to visit. About the last thing on my mind is making them work. How selfish. Don't get me wrong. I make them carry their dishes to the sink from the table, and clean up after themselves. I certainly don't make them mow the grass and rake. Unless they want to help out to earn a ride somewhere or cover charge into a dance. That is different.

I used to think that some people had to know they were rude and selfish. I have come to realize that some of them do not have a clue that they are rude and selfish. They really are living in their own little worlds. How did one counsellor phrase it? "They don't read their environment very well." Yeah, I'd say.

Coming from the speakers: Sail On by The Commodores.

Snow Day?

Will I see my desk at work, or will we get enough snow to have a snow day? Hope, hope, hope. I met an old friend for lunch today.

We talked for 5 1/2 hours at the restaurant. She brought our Senior yearbook and we took a long walk down memory lane. There were a lot of "I never knew that's" and "You're kidding!" And of course we wanted to go back and stand up to all those people that intimidated us. She and I were in a group of ten girls and we called ourselves the "Junior Express" because we were Juniors at the time. As a group we were not very well liked. We did things in a big group and as they say "there is power in numbers".

My daughter is getting along well with her new boyfriend. I wish she could have seen herself happy a month or so ago when she was struggling with the old boyfriend. You can't tell them, they have to find these things out for themselves.

Coming from the speakers: Not a damn thing, but this bird is screeching like a banshee. Oy vey!

My favorite part of the movie was....

...THE END! This is about how I felt about Sky Captain. Jude's character mutters "lens cover" and it closes. Thank God. I had trouble swallowing this movie. I have never wanted to scream so much while watching a movie. Scream for it to end. What did my daughter call it? Hard light? I think they tried to make it look mid-1930's or 40's. Something like that. Ah, 1939.

One day, while unrolling a reel of cat5 cable, I marked up the wall in the hall outside of my office. I apologized and asked the custodian to paint over it. I had tried to erase it with a gum eraser, 409, and other things. Most of it came off, but there was still some markings. The cover-up never got done. Not wanting to "wear out my welcome" I covered it up with the following display.



Well, that corner really needed something, anyway.

Coming from out of the speakers: I Hear You Knocking by Dave Edmunds.

Where've You Been?

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

Little Intestine preschool ???

While looking at school closings on the web this morning sans reading glasses, I came across "The Little Intestine Preschool" .

I thought, 'ewww. Sick.'

I re-read. "The Little Einstein Preschool". Oh.

I Can't Believe I did this

This from: Me and My Vampire's blog:

Book Game

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

One patient, after what -- as she described it to me -- was clearly consensual sex, said, "I didn't consent to it; he assaulted me." Often hiding this way behind a shield of professional innocence becomes insufficient. Now the individual goes on to become a litigious paranoid individual who publicly accuses his or her presumed victimizer of sexual assault in order to make his or her point clear and his or her position public and therefore more widely known, while simultaneously attempting to get others to share his or her delusion in order to gain consensual validation for the false accusations as well as support along the lines of "There, there, you are innocent, and you deserve justice, and recompense."

Back to me (Peruby):

Oh, my good God. I am so taking this book back to the library tomorrow. I can't read this crap. What was I thinking? That third line was the longest damn line I have ever read in any book. Any book! I am way too lazy to read books where I have to keep looking up the words, such as "litigious"and "recompense". Sheesh!

In all honesty I could have just as easily reached up instead of down, and chose this book:

It had a rag on the end and the boy stood waving the stick in circles.
Another flock of pigeons was flying around in a circle.
One of them left the group to follow the flying rag.

Now, wasn't that much better? Can you tell which book is "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" and which one is "Understanding Paranoia"? Looks like I don't understand. Not this go round.

Insomnia Sucks!

Here is a photo of my daughter and her friend at the mall after my daughter's latest doctor visit where she got her stitches out. And, the news that more moles are to be removed. I felt the mall was a good place to exorcise that frustration. From the smiles above, I think it worked.

This may also be why her friend did not have the two dollars for lunch the next day. Now, I am feeling guilty for saying anything to her about it. Look at the memories we have in pictures. Sometimes I can be such a schmuck. Or, maybe I was reacting from lack of sleep. I probably didn't get much sleep worrying about my daughter's surgeries.

My daughter wants me to meet her new boyfriend this week-end. She is grounded from the Friday night dance, but she is having T. over on Saturday. I also have a friend coming over from grade school. She is bringing me her computer. From the error message and the sound it is making, I am guessing it is experiencing hard drive failure. I told her that I want to be sure. We will have lunch and visit, catch up. I haven't seen her in a while. Before Christmas, I think.

Then, Sunday I am meeting my other old friend from high school. She is the one who had to move out of her house because it began to slide down the hill from the torrential rains in September. She moved in with her beau of twenty-some years. I wonder how that is going. That would be some adjustment, n'est pas?

Well, I am going to go back to bed and try to get an hour of sleep or so. I have been awake since 2:15 a.m. Why, I don't know. It could be the prednisone. I began taking it yesterday, but have had severe early morning insomnia since the day before yesterday. With Monday being a day off from work for me, I have lost a day. I feel out of sorts. Again, could be the medication. Many side effects. Won't take it long enough to adjust, either. It is a three day medication.

And so, my world turns.

Not your Mother's inhaler

My inhaler is not your normal looking inhaler. The only inhaler I ever saw was the one that Mikey used on The Goonies. I have lived a sheltered life as far as asthma goes.

This inhaler reminds me of the flicker shavers that came out in maybe the early 80's. I am guessing here. Where you used the razor and then turned it for a new one. That is how this inhaler works. You open it and close it after you are done. Snazzy purple, too.

My daughter is angry with me because I grounded her from going to the dance on Friday night. She has Saturday detention. I have never heard of this practice. Is it what the kids had in The Breakfast Club? I didn't watch many movies in the 80's or much television. I was with a guy who liked wrestling. I recall Randy Savage, Jake the Snake, Dusty Rhodes, Andre the Giant, Ric Flair, and last but certainly not least - remember Rowdy Roddy Piper? There is another one, that I can't recall the name of. He was the partner of Dusty Rhodes for a while, but had a serious car accident during his heyday. He was from Chesapeake, Virginia or there abouts.

I found it. Tragic. Magnum TA.

Happy 18th Birthday

My niece turns 18 today. I obtained legal custody of her on January 28th, 2002. She has been with us for three years. I was the first family to see her after she was born. It was instant recognition. It was kind of a jolt that I wasn't expecting when I looked at her as they wheeled her past me. My sister came to stay with me in Chesapeake, Virginia as she and her husband were going through a divorce.

February 22, 1987. Some dates you just never forget. Eighteen years. Eighteen long years. Another lifetime ago for me. Another state, another job, another boyfriend, other co-workers, other neighbors. I spent most of those days as the monkey in the middle between my sister and boyfriend. They didn't get along. Ah, life. Sometimes I drove home from work, wanting to go anywhere but home. My sister vied for my attention and my boyfriend would get angry - go out and get drunk. I am pretty sure my sister did this on purpose. Live and learn.

So, I call up my doctor's office today and tell them I have this lingering cough that won't go away. I had the flu/cold about two weeks ago and all symptoms are gone except this nasty cough. They said to come in at 4:30. I did. My doctor listened and then said one simple word. One I would have never thought of because I am unfamiliar with it. Now, I have been suffering from migraines, acid reflux, indigestion, heartburn, headaches, lingering cough, sensitivity to cigarette smoke, sensitivity to perfumes, and I was thinking of allergies. When she said it. One word. And all the pieces seem to be falling into place:

asthma.

Well. She gave me an inhaler for thirty days and some prednisone. I went home and hit the Internet for information. The only exposure I have had to asthma is a couple of school mates had it and I haven't seen them in over twenty-five years. Hmmmm, let's see. Asthma causes :

1. gasping (I have that from the cough)
2. wheezing (I don't think I have that)
3. chest tightness (I have that and attributed it to heartburn)
4. headaches (oh, Lord yes, I have those)
5. waking up three times or more during the night (have always done that)
6. fatigue (yawn)

Attacks can be triggered by perfume, animal dander, dust, cigarette smoke, cold air, laughing, talking, over exertion, too much heat. This is interesting. I always tried to walk my dog, for health reasons and it is supposed to give you more energy. I was always too embarrassed to tell my doctor that walking made me feel like hell. I thought I was being a sissy. Well, one of the problems with asthma is that walking can irritate the bronchial tubes and makes breathing more difficult. Especially in this cold winter air. And, if anyone has read my blog longer than two weeks you probably know that I despise cigarette smoke and strong perfumes.

Though I don't want to have asthma, it would be some sort of relief if medicine for that ailment will help me with my migraines and the tightness I have been having in my chest. And the gasping/coughing, and the waking up during the night. Oh yes, I hope I can start spelling relief.

The Migraine Monkey

Back to the screaming migraine monkey today. Two days in a row. Haven't had that in a while. I waited this one out too long before taking my medicine. I get six migraine pills a month. That is one prescription. Because of insurance I cannot refill more often than every thirty days. They have not been enough recently. My next doctor's appointment is in March and I am trying to hold off until then so I can talk to her about them and either get a new prescription or an alternative one. Oh, well.

I had a lot to do today and when I am getting a migraine I tend to do my errands or chores very quickly. This is because when I quit or slow down I can no longer ignore the migraine pain. I am also usually sick to my stomach.

Since the schools are closed today I get today off from work. I thought myself rather fortunate that no mom's called me to watch their children today. I thought too soon. I purposely made an appointment with my counselor today just for that reason.

My daughter's friend had been here since Friday at 5 p.m. and her mom called at eleven a.m. today, wanting me to watch the six year-old also. I stood my ground. I had her Mother "P" pick up her 14 year-old at noon and told her "no" to watching the six year old. Enough is enough. My counselor was so proud. She said that people like "P" seek out people like me to use. I am taking baby steps, but I am getting there.

A big No to my sister when she wants to borrow money, even though she makes ten grand more a year than I do; a big No to my half-uncle who wants to spend ten free days at my house each and every summer; a big No to people who want me to watch their kids. No, no, no! It is getting easier. I am trying, people, I am trying.

But, I have another sister who is just as bad as I am. If not worse. She cleans the apartment of an obese friend of her mother-in-law's. She also gets her groceries for her and runs other errands for her. Her mother-in-law keeps hinting that she should be cleaning her house. I am trying to help my sister be able to say "no." It is a sickness. I recognize that I have the sickness and am trying to do something about it. I want to change.

Alfred E. Neuman lives

Just dye his hair red and there you have it. Alfred E. Neuman in the flesh. Am I right or am I right?

Actually, I took this picture in August 2004 at our park. My sister was visiting with her pre-school kids (inner-city). They were a riot. I am very thankful that I only had to spend an afternoon with them. What a handful. This kid reminds me of the character depicted on Mad Magazine.

Answers to Friday's literature fun will be posted in the comment section of this blog. I got attacked by the busy monkey on Saturday and the migraine monkey on Sunday (today). Medicine kicked in around 6 p.m. Then I had to deal with more of the busy monkey and just now am getting the chance to blog. Whew!

Some Friday Literature Fun

Okay. It's Friday and I feel like frolicking. I have come up with some books that were my fav's over the years and I am giving the name of the author plus a picture for a clue. See if you can come up with the name of the book. I will post the answers tomorrow.

I'll do an example.

The author's name is George Orwell. Here is the picture:



Okay, easy. It is "1984"

Here are the rest of them:

1. Richard Powell


2. Sydney J. Harris



3. Nigel Calder



4. Richard Bach



5. William Golding



6. Evelyn Waugh



7. Charlotte Bronte



8. Ian Fleming



9. Wilkie Collins



10. Colin Wilson



11. Karen Blixen or Isak Dinesen



12. Scott O'Dell



Some of the books above are mentioned in my profile as my favorites. Some are not because I didn't think of them when I created my profile. Have fun. I know I did.

Three days

I put a three day limit on company. We are in the middle of the three day stayover with my daughter's friend. My daughter is very annoyed with her. The friend rubbed mashed potatoes into my daughter's face. I thought we were looking at an all-out food fight. My dog was hoping for one. But, the moment passed.



My flowers have stayed fresh and lovely for three days. I had to move them to a high counter in the kitchen because my cats began to eat them. Sheesh!

Today my world is flat

Flat. And full of rage. I do not see anything beyond the horizon. I am so angry, I can't see past the nose on my face. My daughter has to have two more moles cut out on her back and the one needs to be re-done on her ankle. My daughter is angrier than I am. She is fed up with it. She doesn't want to go back. I scheduled for March 22nd. She needs some time in between.

I want to kick and stomp on something. Preferably, something living. On second thought, I couldn't. How about a pillow? Just doesn't get it. I wish I would clean during my anger stages. I would get a lot done. Maybe I will do that this week-end. Store up my anger and turn it into cleaning energy.

My niece got her first check from Social Security that didn't deposit directly into a bank account. Since she turns eighteen this month she begins to get her checks directly to her in the mail. She didn't go to school today. You know what this reminds me of? One of my loser boyfriends that I mentioned in yesterday's post. He would get paid and not go back to work until he had spent all his money in a drunken stupor.

Now, don't misunderstand. I guess I may be exaggerating. This didn't happen every pay day. It did happen more and more, though. I usually had a lot invested into the relationship by this time so that I balked at cutting my losses. Until my senses got the better of me and out the door I went. For good. I was a 'clean slice break up' individual. My sister was a 'saw the relationship apart with a dull knife' person. She kept going back to her exes. I made a clean slice. I never went back. Same way with a job. Once I am done, I am done.

So, how long should I wait until I remind my niece that she needs to pay me rent money? A week, two? I'll say something to her tonight. Her birthday is in 5 days. She graduates on June 3rd.

My daughter's little friend is staying with us for three days while her grandparents are in Arizona. The girl asked me for lunch money today. She had spent all her money on earrings last night at the mall. Here is how she put it:

"Are you supposed to give me lunch money?"

"I am? No one told me to. You spent all your money?" (hell, I don't even have phone numbers in case of an emergency. I had to remind the girl to take her medicine, which I am going to look up on the Internet tonight. I think she is being treated for some form of attention deficit disorder).

"Yeah."

I ask how much. She said two dollars. I hand it over. I repeated that no one told me I was supposed to give her lunch money. I catch her eye in the rear-view mirror of the car. Her eyes narrow.

"Never again," she says. I gave her the look of 'Don't mess with me, sweetheart.'

Memo to myself: "Never again goes for you too, Miss Doormat"

Here there be monsters

I awoke early this morning. An hour before the alarm. Upon awakening, sometimes I have the clearest thoughts about life. My daughter is going through a difficult time with her boyfriend and it brings back many painful memories.

For some reason, I was reminded of a time when I was about twenty-seven years old. I was living in the Virginia Beach area in the mid-eighties. It was a booming time for building. I worked in a lumber company in the office, my boyfriend worked in construction. There was oodles of work. What I didn't know, was the work was seasonal (for my boyfriend).

I recall one very desolate Sunday morning. We were in the process of moving from one small rental house into another with friends. Winter was coming and the construction business had slowed dramatically. A co-worker had given us her old bedroom set and I did not have a way to pick it up. I only had a small Pontiac Sunbird. (God, I loved that car). Bright yellow. Hey, I am straying off the subject.

Anyway, my boyfriend decided he didn't want to look for a truck to help me move the bedroom set. He wanted to party with the couple we were moving in with. We didn't have the money to keep our place. I left my boyfriend with his new friends, and I drove south on route 168 towards North Carolina. I was searching for my boyfriend's old boss who had a truck. I found him at his girlfriend's house (not with his wife). They were drinking and smoking pot. I was depressed and began drinking with them. Since he wasn't with his wife, I didn't want to ask him for the favor of using his truck.

I made my way back sometime later to our old little rental house to continue packing my car and moving things. There was the wife of my boyfriend's old boss at her Mother's house next door to me. She came over to talk to me, and I was a bit wasted. I told her about her husband and his girlfriend. I remember her just sitting on the couch and staring into space. She had suspected him. Now, she knew for sure. My co-worker eventually got the guys in the lumber yard to bring me my bedroom set. I felt defeated, unable to do things for myself. I did not like the feeling.

This was how life was for me in my late twenties. Broken hearts, broken dreams and unreliable men. Total losers. My boyfriend never helped move once. I did all the work. These are the type of men I chose during my twenties. I didn't seem to be able to break the pattern. I appeared to be drawn to my polar opposites. I was too serious, the dependable one. I was attracted to their irresponsibility, their carefree ways, their light and easy living. I wanted some of that.

As I lay in bed this morning thinking about getting up, I tried to drive down that same route. I get to Great Bridge and somewhere the scenery becomes hazy. I have forgotten. I get to a certain turn in the road and - nothing. It reminds me of the old maps when the world was flat. In the margins, where the old time mariners had no idea what lay beyond the borders of the map, they would write:

"Here there be monsters"

Oh, yes. There be monsters alright. Beyond this point in memory are monsters galore. I fear that my daughter is only beginning to draw hers.

Warm and cozy is orange

My good friend painted the walls in her living and dining rooms with a rich, golden orange. Personally, I loved it. This coming from the cool-colors girl. It is so cozy.

I really need to get back to posting real pictures here and not things I just google up. Yecch, that sounds kind of like "throw up". To Google up a picture. Okay, I am putting the camera battery into the charger. Placing the camera right next to my purse so I don't forget it tomorrow.

My daughter gets her stitches out tomorrow evening. She said she heard the doctor say there were six inside and six outside. I just hope that I took care of the incision properly. It does appear to be a bit red around the area. I dread hearing what the doctor is going to say about the odds.

Missing an angel

This is a niece that I don't get to see very often. This photo was taken probably ten years ago or more. She is an angelic child. She is also autistic. The breakup between her father and my sister was not a pleasant one. She resides with her father and his new wife. They are bitter towards my family and are gruff with us when we come to visit or call.

I think of my niece from time to time. She is about sixteen months younger than my daughter. I gave her all our Barney tapes when my daughter had grown tired of them. My niece loved Barney. Most autistic children do.

I got my daughter and niece (the one who lives with me) the pretty popular neck scarves that are the rage these days. The ones that are made out of the softest feather-like material. They remind you of boa feathers. I think they are called magic scarves. They shape into five or so different scarf styles.

I got my daughter a black one flecked with bright colors and my niece a powder blue one. My niece put hers on as a dress and laughed that she would wear it to the prom. They stretch out and then go back to long neck scarf shape.

Jasper keeping sentry

Ha. Lost my previous post, and I don't feel like re-writing it. I, Robot was okay. Reminded me of Planet of the Apes. I am off to my sister's for a birthday celebration and to work on their computer.

Somebody, Pinch Me!

This above picture was taken about an hour ago outside. It is a deciduous bush in front of an evergreen shrub. There is still some snow on the ground, but mostly everything is bare and cold. Not much color, either.

I can't believe that all of this is happening today. First of all, I found a credit card that I thought I had lost. Second, I balanced my checkbook in less than one minute. To the "T"! I was reeling. Then, at lunch I got a call from a friend and my plans were cancelled for Saturday evening. Don't misunderstand, I like to visit with friends; it is just that I wanted a quiet couple of days.

And, this evening I was supposed to work on my brother's PC, but he isn't home. So.... I think I will treat myself to a Pepsi and a movie. I have the house to myself. If you live by yourself, you just wouldn't understand what this means. Remember, I also was the youngest of eight children and to have alone time was like, well, NEVER! I am so giddy my toes are tapping. Well, that could be the chocolate that I ate, too.

My niece walked out the door with Without A Paddle and White Castle, so I am left with I, Robot. I'll letcha know.

Scanning for Spyware

Giving Microsoft's beta version of spyware a go. I have been using it at work for about a week, and just tonight downloaded it to my home PC. I am so glad I don't have any illegal software or download any music illegally to my computer, I might feel a bit nervous. MS is so nosy.

The medical term is dysplastic nevus. Separated, the word dysplasia means abnormal skin growth and nevus means mole or birthmark. So, it all just boils down to abnormal mole. I will wait until I speak with my daughter's dermatologist, but what I read on the Internet means that she is at a higher risk than normal for skin cancer. Sunscreen spf15 or higher on a daily basis and wide-brimmed hats.

I went to my daughter's freshman orientation tonight at the school. Me and a friend made sure to get there early so we could get a good seat. As it turns out they had more people attending than what they ever expected. It appeared that the lecture hall was going to be too small. So, they let all the people who were still standing out in the hallway (the ones who came late) go to the cafeteria. Then, we (the people sitting in the lecture hall) were told to go to the cafeteria. And, guess who had no chairs, now? Bullshit! I ended up getting a coughing fit halfway though the meeting and had to leave anyway.

I feel so - so....so...I don't know what the word is that I want. So pissed about everything. I am irritated with my cough. I despise cough medicine. I am irritated with my co-worker. My daughter is mouthy. She took pre-algebra this year. She is getting B's. She rarely studies. She refuses to take algebra I next year. She is taking General Math. What?! The pre-algebra teacher is teasing her. I just found this out tonight. All my math teachers did this to me, too. We just didn't get math. I lean more towards art, poetry, writing, singing, spelling, and I always liked science. I bit my tongue so many times trying not to tell my daughter that I HATED math so she wouldn't get the wrong impression.

But, I do. I hate it. I hated all my math teachers. If you are a math teacher reading this, do the world a favor. Don't pick on students. You always call on the ones who you know don't have the answer or have the correct answer. We just don't get it! And, this may come as a big surprise to you, but we don't want to get it, either!

And, here's a newsflash! You DO NOT have to be good in math to work with computers. There is plenty, plenty, plenty of computer work to do that does not require the logical side of the brain. Nah, nah, nah, nah nah! Not all computer work involves programming. Most everything is so automated anymore, you don't need those math skills.

Oh, I am just rambling. My daughter just told me at dinner tonight that the pre-algebra teacher always teases her about not speaking loudly enough. She is afraid (as I was) to say the wrong answer. My math teachers would make such an ordeal out of my wrong answers. It was torture! I swear they actually liked to see us squirm. I am afraid my daughter is going through the same ordeal. I don't know if my math teacher liked me (like some boys will tease girls in a mean way, when actually they like them), or whether he really hated me.

I only know that I was thirteen years old. I did not get math. I still don't and now my daughter is going through the exact same dilemma that I did. My sentiment was "just give me the test, I will pass or fail, and then let me the hell out of this class so I can get on with my life!"

I want to take all the math teachers into a room and make them draw a portrait. Then, I want to hold it up for all the class to see and everyone laugh at it. Ha, ha, ha, ha! What is this? A nose? Now, can someone show me what a real nose is supposed to look like? Someone who actually gets art?! Screw it!

Oh, bother. Pooh!